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New on Here,but Not to Pain

I've often came on here and read many forums, but I've never shared my own.
I am 27 years old, at the age of 12 I started having chronic back/sciatic nerve pain down my right leg. Multiple MRI's, cortisone shots, and leary doctors later, I was left to deal with the pain.
At the age of 24, I was wait listed to have a discectomy (1 year wait list), but at 25 I was rushed to emerg with pain so bad I couldn't stand, walk, barely even stay away. The next day I received a double discectomy (L4-L5 region).
6 months after my surgery, I knew something was wrong, I was still in so much pain. I went to the my surgeon..since I could lift my legs, he said I was fine and didn't want to see me again. Well, a year and a half later, the pain has worsened, I've been hospitalized, back on all my pain medication. Tramadol, Baclofen, Dicolfenac, Cyclobenzaprine.
I requested another MRI and meeting with my surgeon and it was discovered that I now need a Double Fusion.
I am still working, I am a hairstylist in my own home. But I don't think I can go on. I have been wait listed again for another year for surgery, and sitting here, I cannot lift my leg or sit up straight. The pain is so bad that I often find myself lost in another world.

My question is, what does one do to help control this pain? I can't hardly breathe sometimes its so bad. Between the nerve pain down both my legs, the muscle spasms that make me cry out in agony, and the constant throbbing in my left and right lower back, I don't know what to do.

I'm terrified to have surgery again. I have read success and failed surgeries. Even a family member of my own had a failed surgery. So much that the surgeon themselves slipped up in the OR and she is now ventilated quadriplegic. I can't sleep at night from pain and from nightmares of the surgery. How do you prepare yourself for something like this?

This is my first time on here, and I have gone and on..but, I feel as if maybe out there, somewhere, someone can give me some insight, some optimistic views, someone who has dealt with and is maybe going through something similar. Nobody around me knows my pain and doesn't understand.

I look forward to hearing from someone, anyone. At my young age, I feel as if I haven't had enough life to live yet, having no kids (we are waiting until after surgery), and can't enjoy physical activity that I have always dreamed of. I have literally lived my life with this...

To anyone for reading, thank you, with wide open arms.


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