Hello. I need to talk with others about my predicament, because I feel so frustrated and hopeless that I just need someone to understand me. I'll TRY and keep this short, but it takes some splainin'...
I have chronic low back pain, as well as arthritis. I was seeing a pain mgmt place for several years, but we didn't get along that well because I felt they singled me out for being a "young" male patient. They harassed me every month, and belittled me for not magically getting better. They forced me to get shots and always pushed Long acting pain meds, like Kadian or Suboxone. While I obviously sometimes benefit from long acting meds, my body does not tolerate them for long periods, and I need instant release meds to use to skip/stop the long acting ones when I'm having a good day, or to take as needed on bad days. My nurse kept saying that was "drug seeking" behavior, which only irritated me more. So I missed an appointment one day, and they used that as an excuse to terminate our relationship instantly. No refills, no nothing. So I started taking some leftover Suboxone for pain, which works, but it is long acting, and makes me sick.
Fast forward a whole year later. Miraculously, I still have a few Suboxone left, since I've been getting by on a quarter pill per day. Before I run out, I want a new pain mgmt doctor, but I've tried two and both have given me the same shtick. They treat me like a full-on addict. They do a urinalysis on every single visit. Won't prescribe so much as a single Vicodin, and treat me horribly, as if I am some sort of street urchin, begging for pills. And, yes, I have begged them, because I'm in pain, and desperate for even temporary relief--that's the main reason I need to see them, for immediate assistance, but they give none. They treat me like I'm subhuman, and assume that Suboxone is only for addicts. I couldn't even get a hip surgeon to take me as a patient because he was freaked out by the Suboxone. They all have one thing in common, a blank compassion less stare, and shrug of the shoulders when the topic of dealing with pain comes up. It is a topic they can avoid, but one that I must cope with at almost all times.
So that is my predicament. I really don't know what to do because until I get a hip and/or back surgery, I am going to be in a lot of pain. Even if I was a total addict, shouldn't I get some relief? I would never ask if I weren't in real pain. If I am flagged in their systems as an addict or something, then I sure wish someone would talk to me about that, or ask my side of the story. None of the doctors will even listen to me. Are they all just arseholes? Is it just because I'm on Suboxone? Is it just because I'm coming off as too desperate? But why don't they understand my desperation, at least a little bit? How do I go about finding help when every turn is like a hostile environment?