I just had a really bad episode of pain today, and am getting tired of dealing with it all. So, I guess I am just trying find some people to relate to.
About my issues: I have been having back and neck pain off and on since February of 2014. I think it is due to muscle tension in my back and neck. I feel like my muscles never relax, even when sleeping. I have finally gotten my family doctor to take me seriously and refer me to physical therapy, though I could not convince her that I needed an MRI. I have wanted one since April, but have had a hard time of getting any help. My problems are finally bad enough that it is obvious to people that I am around daily, but the only time I am able to force myself to go out to see the doctor is when I feel better, thus the disbelief of my doctor when I tell her of my pain. She keeps trying to convince me that all my pain and health issues are occurring because of anxiety. I even tried the anxiety medicine for two months just to suit her fancy (it had almost no effect and didn't get rid of any of my symptoms, so I stopped taking it). She still thinks I have anxiety and has tried to recommend that I consider a different type of anxiety medicine. I have told a couple of other people of this, and they don't believe that I have anxiety. I am obviously experiencing physical pain that is not made up. I believe that I have had minor pain symptoms throughout adolescence, but whenever I complained about my pain, my mother told me that I was just overreacting. I actually discussed my pain problems in my adolescence with people outside of my family recently, and apparently it is not normal to have the pain that I had at that age. So, I was not overreacting, but I just learned to deal with the pain because I was under the impression that it was "normal" and that any strong reaction to pain is just me overreacting. My pain has gotten increasingly worse over the past year, though, and sometimes I just can't deal with it anymore. I feel like my body is so tight, my muscles in my neck especially feel like they are being overworked. (If I had to compare the sensation to a common thing, it would be the really achy feeling one gets in their legs when running for a long period of time and your legs just can't go on any longer because of the fatigue. Or just the pain/fatigue you feel from minute-long wall-sits) Today was the worst of the neck pain since May of this year (muscle relaxants over the course of two weeks made the tension go away at that time). After the tension was relieved enough to get rid of my sharp, jabbing pains, I felt better, but the tension has slowly been getting worse, and now it is sometimes getting bad enough to send shooting pains down my spine and through my arms again. I am trying to be patient and work with the system, but I feel like I should just assert my concerns to another doctor and try to demand help. Maybe when I see a PT, they will help me more? I am hoping that they can. I also have an appointment to see a neurologist (if my insurance will cover it). My family doctor wouldn't refer me to see a neurologist, but the doctor from urgent care that I saw referred me to one after a back x-ray (I went to urgent care because my left leg was going limp a lot. It was usually just a second or two at a time, but it had gotten so bad that week that I felt like I looked like a special needs person while walking because my foot dragged sometimes) (The x-ray results were chronic L5 spondylolysis, but my family doctor that I saw after getting the x-ray said that she didn't think the x-ray finding was causing my pain, and was just an incidental finding. It probably was since I remember having intense lower back pain in the 8th grade which, again, my mother told me that I was overreacting to it.) The leg weakness is actually better now with the increased tension in my back, so I really don't know what it was about. Maybe it is just an anomaly that affects everyone at some point in life or just happened because I was really tired. Anyway, I am really just hoping to eventually get an MRI (insurance covered since I can't afford one otherwise), though I don't know how to go about it. My mom told me to lie to the family doctor and say that I have excruciating back pain to get an MRI, but that goes against my standards. I am wondering if the reason that my family doctor doesn't believe me is because my mother sees her as well? Or maybe it is just because I am sort of numb to pain by now and handle it better than most people. I honestly don't know what it is like to have no pain. I can't remember a time in my life that was ever pain free. Then again, maybe that is normal. I should really find a support group somewhere to talk to in person, though I don't know if those actually exist for such things as back and neck pain.
If anyone read this, thanks for reading my intro, and I hope that whatever problems are bothering you get better or at least more manageable.