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Family Not Understanding My New Life

MissMyLifeMMissMyLife Posts: 1
edited 01/01/2015 - 9:05 PM in Fibromyalgia
I have been diagnosed with FIbromyalgia within the last 6 months. I am learning to cope with this new illness easier than my family and friends are. I have gone through the cycle for this is not the first chronic illness I was blessed with, but this time seems to be much harder than previous times. I have tried everything to pretend I am healthy and feel great because my parents continually say if I don't get better then I won't be going off to college next fall. No matter how many times I try to explain that I am not going to just get better and be healthy again they never understand. They make it sound like I am dying when they explain it to other people. I never thought that I wouldn't want my parents to care, at least not so much. If anyone has any advice on how to handle this it would be greatly appreciated...

Also, I understand it could be the hard time everyone is having knowing I am leaving soon. The same thing most parents go through when they lose their first child to the world.
It has become hard to cope at home with everything because of the added stress put on by my parents. I have tried multiple times talking to them but they always get overly offended when I try... I am to the point I no longer tell anyone when I need help or feel ill, because if my parents find out i can expect to be fussed and lectured for hours on end.


  • LizLiz Posts: 7,832
    edited 01/01/2015 - 9:05 PM
    I am sorry to hear what you are going through I hope the link helps, you have come to the right place to get support from other members.

    Welcome Message


    Liz, Spine-health Moderator

    Spinal stenosis since 1995
    Lumber decompression surgery S1 L5-L3[1996]
    Cervical stenosis, so far avoided surgery
  • Hello,
    Don't be discouraged. They don't understand because they do not feel what you feel. Be patient with them this sickness is tough on everyone involved.
    I was diagnosed back in 2000 and I felt relieved that there was an answer for the pain I was feeling. The biggest mistake I made was taking pain medication and telling people when I was hurting. It doesn't make you feel better it will only make you feel worse. Trust me...
    Pain meds actually magnify the pain and even though in the beginning you feel better...in time the pain will worsen and you will need more meds to feel better. You will then start the cycle of trying different and "new" meds to try and fix the pain. Trust me...when I stopped all the pain medication and started eating more fruits and veggies plus exercising more my pain decreased so much it was as if I was cured. I will always have good days and bad but I have more good than bad now. I work, I play and I live like everyone else. I have my life back. Hang in there, research and help yourself feel better.
  • Hello,

    I have been diagnosed recently as well ,after dealing with some symptoms for two years now. While I am still unconvinced this is what I have, I still suffer from chronic pain and fatigue. I am also young, although not as young as you, I'm 28. I also had a really hard time, and still do, getting those in my life to understand what life with fibro is like. I do the same pretending that you do. I try to not tell others around me if I'm in pain or having a bad day, because what they say is actually worse than them not knowing. It is a constant, day to day struggle.

    While I don't know your parents personally, you are probably hitting close to home when you talk about them losing their child. That can be a lot for them to deal with, so try to be patient as you can with them.

    The only advice I have to give you is something that I have been doing lately to help with coping-always think before you speak. Before you ever say anything, try to imagine to yourself what their reaction/reply will be. Then decide whether or not it's worth saying, or if there might be a better way to word it. I hate to be a "debbie Downer", but most of the time I find it's just better to not say anything at all, and I end up being the only person who knows about my suffering. It's something you have to learn to accept. Acceptance isn't something that comes easy, but I have learned to accept that people will never understand, unless they have gone through it themselves.
  • itsautonomicitsautonomic LouisianaPosts: 1,807
    Jjam86 Unless you have been tested for many, many things I would always question a fibro diagnosis. Ithere are a lot of things that cause similar symptoms, there is a diagnosis criteria for fibro if you do not have that you should seek second opinions. This is many times what a doctor diagnosis When they can't figure out issue. I
    Do your due dilegence, trust you know your body and question everything if it does not fit. Advocate for yourself and you will be suprised what will be revealed trusting your body and instinct.
  • Your parents only care. Most of us here are dealing with a spouse and/or family that don't support us at all! Be thankful! You are blessed with good Parents!

    We all know that Parents tend to embarrass on every level.... We also know that sometimes they make things worse than what they even seem, but that`s Parents. I`m a parent, but I`m also a Son, so I get it!

    Bottom line, you need to worry less about what they say and more about the fact that they care about you. People will say what they want to say any way, regardless of what you think about it. My advice is to turn a deaf ear to it if you want to avoid making your life more complicated than what it has already become. Focus on the things you can change. Focus on yourself and this condition you will be faced with for life.

    Realize that FEAR is our worst enemy. Get up & get out in that stormy weather of the real world & kick fear in the teeth. Stare at it dead in the eyes & walk right through it into the storm; because once you're wet, you won’t fear the rain anymore
  • I'm 21 and also have fibromyalgia,. and being young makes it harder for people to understand what kind of sick you are. People dont understand that pain doesn't discriminate. The best thing I can tell you to do, is go online and pick out some good articles about fibro and print them for your family to read. I can send you some linkstuff if you'd like them, I know it's hard and I'm going through similar things, so you aren't alone. If that makes you feel any better...
  • Hi
    I am sorry you are dealing with that it can be really tough to cope with.
    I have to say I don't have much support at all and that can be really hard. It would be
    nice to have someone care a little once in awhile instead of blowing it off.
    I don't like be smothered very independent person but there are those times
    a warm caring person would be nice.
    Like someone said do your homework learn all there is to about that illness.
    Who was the one who said you had it anyway? The reason I asked is I was
    labeled with it by a Therapist and never got a second opinion until recently
    and now it is questioned and it has effected my other care for back issues
    etc. So as suggested get another opinion it never hurts and is so important for
    your care.
    You will get such great help here and there are tons of really great information too.
    Maybe you could take your Mom and Dad to the Doctor's with you and then it
    would give them a better understanding and they could explain it better to others
    or they could understand that their actions are putting stress on you without them
    meaning to. That stress is a huge part of Fibromyalgia and they sound like they love
    you tons and maybe with that love they would change how they approach you and others.
    Just some thoughts I know you are hurting and I hope it improves for you.
    Take care and wish you the best.
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