Hey all, new to the forums and boy do I wish I would've seen them years ago. Ugh. In any case here's my story: I'm a mom of 2 and been with my pm dr for about 6 years now. I have DDD, progressing spinal stenosis and various disc bulges and herniations at my L3 L4 L5 S1 with significant encroachment causing, what I'm sure you're all aware significant lumbar and leg pain. I've tried it all; PT, TENS, epidural injections every few months, low impact exercise..you name it ive done it all. Within the past few years I have seen about 4 surgeons that all have the same opinion, 'Yes you need surgery but you're too young and technology isn't there to guarantee your back for as long as we need it to.' Personally I think it might be my crap insurance but hey I'm not judging. My PM began prescribing me norco 5mg twice a day in addition to the injections to manage pain. I honestly never cared to be on much more than that and with changing routines at home it was working enough to not fuss. I'm not making excuses for myself, believe me, I'm an idiot. Plain and simple. I signed the pain contract a couple years ago before ever being prescribed anything and followed my knowledge of it (I never received a copy, stupid on my part I know) and basically used the thought process of 'when it doubt call the office'. I've never accepted med scripts from another dr, never filled early, never called the office and made a pain of myself, never used a different pharmacy, never asked for heightening of my dosage, passed every pee test known to man. In December of this past year my pharmacy said they were unsure as to when they'd be able to fill my script due to the rescheduling of norco they were out. I called my pm docs office to ask if I would be allowed to fill it elsewhere and let them know they could verify with my local pharmacy. I have never gone to a different pharmacy and was unsure of the rules. Once again 'when in doubt call the office'. This particular inquiry went unanswered for a few weeks. I waited it out. My pharmacy had actually gotten the meds in and filled it about a week before I received a call back. No big deal I told the girl on the phone it wasn't an issue and I was good and didn't have to use a different pharmacy. Fast forward to January of this year. I had an appointment scheduled for the 13th. Up to this point my husband, God bless him, helps more than he ever needs to. He helps with the kids and much of the time I feel like I am quite a burden on him. I know we have probably all gotten the looks from our significant others that basically says 'ugh, really? Can't you do anything anymore?' It's very heartbreaking. It almost gives you a worthless sort of feeling. So on January 9th of this year my husbands stepfather, my father in law passed away. He was diagnosed with brain cancer on Christmas and passed away on January 9th. My mother in law was beside herself. My husband spent a vast majority of the days preceding and following days with his mother and sisters. I was on my own with everything but felt as though with everything he does on a daily basis it was my turn to step up to the plate and hold down the fort while he spent the much needed time with his mother. A few days in I was reeling in pain. I couldn't sleep at night and by the 11th I could barely function. I couldn't sit, stand, lay down or kneel to give my youngest a bath without tears. But once again pride took over and I felt that I couldn't just call him and tell him to come home bc he needed to be with his family. I took the 'I am woman hear me roar' mentality and powered through the best I could. The night of the 11th and morning of the 12th was a different ball game. I could hardly move and every step was that much worse. So here's where the stupidity comes into play, I called office and it went straight to voicemail. I had an appointment the following day and thought it to be no big deal and I took a Percocet that I had from an ER visit for my back before my dr began prescribing me meds that at the time was ok with him bc I hadn't been prescribed any med by him. Yep I took it and I've never made more of a mistake in my whole life. I went to my appointment on the 13th and right out of the gate I told the PA that I was seeing what had happened. I thought I've never stepped out of line before, it was prescribed to me and for my back just be honest and hope they understand. So about a minute later a nurse comes in and I'm issued a random test. No problem I thought bc I had already been upfront and was upfront with the nurse when asked what I had taken. My PA came back in with two hard copy refills basically shrugged off that I had taken it and said to make a follow up in two months. Ok, not a problem I apologize. So I'm sitting at home on the 11th of this month, February, and I get a knock on the door. It's my mail lady and there's a certified letter from my docs office. I was horrified, but I did it to myself. I hung my head and realized what an idiot I am. I honestly was not aware of the trouble my physician could get into over this and the thought of letting them down tears me up. The thought of being labeled after 6 years of being a model patient down the drain is crushing me. I just sent out a certified letter of apology to my PM's office. I take full ownership of what I've done and it is absolutely gut wrenching. So now yesterday and today I keep getting phone calls from my pharmacy saying that I have a script ready, I'm assuming it was February's refill that I dropped off prior to receiving the letter. Now the letter states all future appts have been cancelled and all future meds are discontinued. I've tried calling the office yesterday and today and have not spoken to anyone yet or received a call back. Does this mean my February refill is my last one? Or does it mean if I pick up this script I will be in some sort of trouble? I'm terribly confused and unsure what to do. I'm hoping my PM doc can forgive me for such an idiotic mistake but I'm doubting that there is anything he can do. It's not his fault at all and I do not blame him for protecting himself. I'm just not sure what else to do or where to go from here. Thanks for hearing me out, it helps just to talk it out.