Welcome, Friend!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Veritas-Health LLC has recently released patient forums to our Arthritis-Health web site.

Please visit http://www.arthritis-health.com/forum

There are several patient story videos on Spine-Health that talk about Arthritis. Search on Patient stories
Protect anonymity
We strongly suggest that members do not include their email addresses. Once that is published , your email address is available to anyone on the internet , including hackers.

All discussions and comments that contain an external URL will be automatically moved to the spam queue. No external URL pointing to a medical web site is permitted. Forum rules also indicate that you need prior moderator approval. If you are going to post an external URL, contact one of the moderators to get their approval.
Attention New Members
Your initial discussion or comment automatically is sent to a moderator's approval queue before it can be published.
There are no medical professionals on this forum side of the site. Therefore, no one is capable or permitted to provide any type of medical advice.
This includes any analysis, interpretation, or advice based on any diagnostic test

Dealing with guilt

So I had a lumbar fusion 4 months ago. It went really well, but I'm definitely not up to speed yet. Why do Ifeel guilty? Anyone else feel the same? Guilty for not healing faster, that i can't perform my job without aching, guilty that my energy is still low. Blah.


  • I am always apologizing to my family when I can't do something or have to rest, by no fault of mine or theirs-my husband laughs when I say sorry because he knows I have no control over spasming muscles or nerve pain. For me it is the added work it brings to them that makes me feel so guilty, which is funny because it is all the stuff I used to do all by myself without a thought.
    For me a healthy amount keeps me motivated and humble about my limitations, but keeping it in check and acknowledging that you have no control over healing time is important too, especially when you can seriously hurt yourself by jumping in too soon!
  • I just started talking with a professional who deals with chronic pain because the guilt I feel on a daily bases is eating me alive. I am waiting to have a fusion from my C5-C7. The advise I was given was to make a list of everything I feel I can accomplish for the day depending on how my pain is. I am an account manager for my family business and I am supposed to be taking the company over and in the last 3 months I do not remember how many full weeks of work I have actually worked due to pain. I am lucky because I have the option to work from home but that still does not take my guilt away from not being in the office. I know my guilt is even going to get worse when I do have the surgery because my surgeon said I will be in a hard neck collar for 6-8 weeks and I am not allowed to go into the office at all. I try and keep reminding myself that I am doing the best that I can and if I keep pushing it I will set myself back even more.

    Dealing with all of this I am starting to realize that if my health is not good I am not going to be good to my customers.

    Just remember that what your went through is a big surgery and you deserve the proper time to heal. Take baby steps and you will get to the finish line.
  • I think just about everyone has some guilt problems. It sure doesn't help the issues but you cant make your body not feel something at that level.
    My neck and back issues have caused me guilt also. My family has had to do most of the chores that I cant do. Some days I am just so tired and don't want to do anything. I want to get out and exercise and have fun. Most of the time I am too tired or in too much pain. Or I am worried that my legs will start acting up and the nerve pains running through my legs will cause my legs to give out.
    Tracie C
  • It is an unavoidable issue we all go through and is especially acute when we are recovering from surgery. What matters is how we deal with it and go from being paralyzed by guilt to finding a way to work around it.
    2015: Thoracic protrusions C7-T1, T3-4, T6-8
    Dec'13: 360FusionL4-S1 w/bone graft
    2013: 3x2-level disc injections: 12mo surgery postponement
    Dec'12: DiscogramL4-S1
    Sep/Oct'12: Bi-lateral Rhizo AblationsL4- S1
  • Thank you for posting this. I have had a tremendous amount of guilt myself. Having to depend on friends and family to do chores I normally knock out on my own. Feeling bad, Im not back at work, knowing my team is really thing. Feeling as if the littlest things exhaust me. Or my current guilt being in pain, and feeling guilty for still being in pain almost 4 months post op of cervical disk replacement.

    Known of us asked for this, and I think that adds to it. I agree with a previous poster. Try finding a professional who deals in chronic pain. This is likely going to be a daily challenge for a short period of time, or a lifetime challenge. Either we want to develop tools to help us deal with this guilty feeling, as unjust as it may be.
  • I understand the guilt feelings and im sorry for those that feel that way. What i feel is more frustration. I dont think any of us caused our conditions. I get frustrated due to not being able to do alot during recovery. Waiting to see if the fusion took. I get frustrated thinking about future back issues that may arise. But I gotta tell you, the pain I was in before surgery was insane. So, left with only looking up and being positive, i try not to think about things too long because thats when depression sets in. I guess a little part of me feels quilty, but people that dont have this condition or pain and worry are better off than me...so I dont feel guilty much. Lol. I feel defeated, but i still have hope after surgery because it just might fix me!!!! Fingers crossed and prayers for us all!!!
  • It feels good to hear I am not the only one. I had spinal fusion 4 weeks ago and was starting to feel a little normal again.. Well at least my insision was starting to heal I could lay on my back then Monday they had to go back in and remove one of my screws so now I feel like I am back to square one... And the guilt about my boyfriend and mom doing everything for me is horrible. I can't work I am back to not doing much of anything ... Again. Every time I apologize they tell me to stop that none of this is my fault but I can't help it. I hope we all get back to ourselves soon.
  • Thanks so much for the post. I guess many of us feel this way. Not doing the things you use to take granted and having to have someone "pick up the slack" is a sure recipe for guilt. Just remember, you didn't have any control over this.
Sign In or Register to comment.