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Worried or Idk..

splendidonessplendidone Posts: 3
edited 05/12/2015 - 10:08 PM in Depression and Coping
Hello, I am a 17 year old male. 2 years ago I had spinal fusion surgery due to a curved spine. I have been judged in school due to the way I walked which made me a very nervous person. I would shake from head to toe. Even when exercising I would shake. After the surgery I'm not as flexible as I used to be. If I try to stretch too far anything would shake. As of now I'm not in school due to anxiety I guess. I would think about the past events that I find very negative that have happened. I used to get called dumb, gay, or anything like that. I basically have a hard time being myself. I share a room with my brother who is 2 years older than me and I try my best to avoid him because he can be very annoying. He is more outgoing than me. There's nothing like being in my own bedroom and in the house. Once I step outside I lose character. I have trouble focusing on everyday life. I'm too worried about what other people think. Once I walk pass a person staring I would start to shake as I am walking by. Once I hear a negative comment or a laugh I would probably snap my neck or take the jab and then I would go home feeling awful for the rest of the day. I'm trying to get rid of the nerves but they just won't go away. I've been drinking lots and lots of water and taking gummy vitamins. Even after drinking a soda or juice I would drink water right after it. I would get called a loner by my own brother because I don't have any friends when I basically have God and a family. Once I lose control there goes the nerves. I can't do push ups, curl ups, or anything that bends the spine. I would still itch in the upper part of my back or still feel pain if anyone punches it. If I'm doing anything that considers a lot of sweat I start to get this weird feeling in my back. I have trouble communicating with random people that I don't know or I don't hang around with as much. If I do this, my head and neck would start to shake. Sometimes I feel pain in my neck. Once I turn 18 this year I don't want to carry all of this with me. I want it all to go down the drain. I want to feel very strong. I love the body that I am in but I just don't have no control over it. Any advice please?


  • LizLiz Posts: 7,832
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    Liz, Spine-health Moderator

    Spinal stenosis since 1995
    Lumber decompression surgery S1 L5-L3[1996]
    Cervical stenosis, so far avoided surgery
  • You shouldn't be worried about being you and what people think about you...We all face different challenges in life one time or the other but at the end of the day life goes on...Be happy that you are alive as much as you suffer.
    I may not have the same problem but i too have a problem...I am a 21years lady and i know im beautiful because i have seen my mother(thats what i tell myself)...i have a problem with my spine too and i always find myself limping because of the pain that comes with the spine...at first i thought my life is over and the fact that people around discourage me...some tell me i need to get babies as early as now because i may not manage in the coming future...i have no mans attention anymore because i limp and the meds i have been using have messed my face with acnes...
    i have fought a battle of self appreciation for a long time but i think im really making it now...

    Try control your anger, if you initially used to have friends meaning you have a past good social life and can still make some and get company...have some self confidence each dawning day...even the very healthy people out there have people who hate on them,mock them and all...so keep in mind that not everyone will appreciate you for you...its part of everyones daily life.

    the bottom line is ALWAYS BE YOURSELF...
    Remember people like Stephen Hawkins live amongst us and they survive.

    My brother once dedicated me the ''DESIDERATA''...you need the words too coz they have been a part behind me feeling alive again...

    About the pain, i would advice an answer coming from your doctor...

    all the best pal...
    you can always count on me for words and somebody to talk to...
    feel free to PM
  • I exercise every 3rd day of the week. For example: I would skip Mon, Tues, then exercise Wed and so on. I would do exercises like sumo crunches, squats, or triceps bench dips. I can't do any exercises that works the torso when laying down which will make me shake. Like I said I can't reach very far or bend very far. Everyday I just play video games. I would go outside and jog but I would think there's going to be too much distraction. It's so hard for African Americans. I can't even get along with the people of the same race as me. Jealousy is one big word. I try to avoid the people I can't stand. If I run into a bunch of people I don't know I would get heart burn or my heart would start pounding very fast.
  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,476
    That is great name you chose for this site! Sounds very optimistic, which is good. :)

    Dealing with any kind of medical issue at such a young age can open such an opportunity for ignorant, unknowing people, to make jest or look down upon. Often times when young, we are so self centered ...not thinking of how other people live..esp those with medical issues. When young and healthy, one often times thinks they will live forever and nothing will touch them...as in driving fast, and other risks one takes when young.

    I find my shaking to increase with my anxiety....and that can pop up any time. I just push through it. I know people notice, but I hope they are kind enough to ignore it.

    As you become older, I hope you to be open to new people, relationships, friendships. Adults can still be ignorant, but many people can be kind and understanding. You have an amazing future waiting for you!

    Have you spoken with your doctor about your increased shaking?

    Not all people think much of any kind of psychological help......but I found talking to a therapist very helpful, esp going through transitions in life. My therapist helpful with perspectives I never thought of, or little tips on how to keep my thinking positive as I endured difficult encounters.

    That maybe helpful to you during your transition into into the manhood occurring with your 18th birthday....to help you let all of your suffering to go down the drain, as you said.

    I speak to you as a fellow sufferer .....and as someone speaking to a grandson with a bright future ahead of him!
    Good luck to you!
    Spine-Health Moderator
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • I haven't seen a doctor since August 2013. My doctor did give me some nerve pills to keep me from shaking. They are gone though. I'm basically hiding. I still haven't seen a dentist to get my wisdom teeth pulled. I just don't get how people can be so bothered with me when they're the ones living their life to the fullest not giving a care what everyone else thinks of them. But they're messing with other people. I have people in the family that basically think I'm weak and just want to see me fall. I say to myself everyday "you can't survive like this.". I play alot of sad songs. Then I would play music that will make me feel very aggressive and stronger than the life drainers in my head. I would stay up late everynight and not go to sleep until like 3-4 am.

    Another thing is... I have been masturbating alot. I've been thinking about sex awfully too much. Could that be the problem?
  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,476
    edited 05/13/2015 - 12:41 PM
    From everything you have said .....I would say, yes, could be a problem. You are describing mood issues, anger and focusing on anything too much can be an issue.

    I think if you are truly wanting to get better....you would move heaven and earth to go see a doctor.

    There can't be any excuse to not care for yourself, esp when you are so young and you could help yourself to feel better.
    You have physical symptoms that need attention.....not just a nerve pill.

    Your daily self talk of and music choices may not be the best for your already withdrawn and not positive feelings.
    It is not something you can just try to talk yourself out of.....as you have probably discovered your way hasn't been to successful.

    At doctor appointment, the need to talk about how you are feeling and thinking, also.

    Everyone in life needs to have people in their life. We were meant for community.
    Learning from a doctor or therapists on how to develop more healthy self talk is......priceless!
    And learning how to have a healthy ways of relating with others will evolve.
    Spine-Health Moderator
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • I was, rather accidentally, diagnosed with broken spine and mild scoliosis at age of 13 since I experienced severe pain in LS region that was suspected to be a kidney problem. However, the tests showed that kidneys were actually affected by the spine. I started taking pain killers about that age and was not able to finish elementary school regularly, since of not being able to sit at the classes. Combined with that I was bullied by my peers, who would wait for me after leaving the school to beat me up because I was "strange", so basically I was beaten up most of the time, until I discovered the way how to escape from the school before the bell rings and then to go to my home via huge meadow and hiding under the tunnel of the creek, waiting for kids to go home so I would safely arrive. I was so happy when my mother said I don't have to go to school when I reach age of 15 and I just waited for that day to come. When it came, I quit the school and never came back; I finished elementary school privately and that was it.

    Then; the situation was pretty similar as you describe. I had no friends, no one to talk with, was afraid of people until one day, and that was when I was at your age now, I decided to go out and seek some people. I met a doctor who had a support group of people with different kind of problems and there I made some friendships. However, these were not people of my age and at that time my best friend was a person that was 40 years older than I was. But this "old" woman kept me "socially alive".

    Except elementary school, I did not ever gain any other formal education. However, after I started not being afraid of other people I devoted my life to human rights activism and have spent last 12 years in different fields. I was working for United Nations, have traveled around the world and today I am recognized as a "lawyer from experience", am writing books and scientific articles (one of them recently published by Oxford University Press) and in June one of my books which I co-authored will be presented to the public. I am legal researcher at the Faculty of Law, I am also a lecturer, amicus curiae (something like a friend of the Court) of the European Court on Human Rights and have a pretty fulfilled and happy social life.

    Why I am saying this is not because I want to show how successful I am but rather to say that if you open your mind and heart to other people the result may be better than you expect, even though the body sometimes can and does make your life miserable. My condition is uncertain, I am taking narcotics to be able to walk and function as many people here do, I am exercising and do whatever possible to survive with that thing. You can do the same, but if you won't have contact with people than it is far less probable that you'll have a better life. The medicine is not advanced enough to solve any kind of problems we face, but as human beings we are advanced enough to go a step forward.

    I advise you first to see the doctor and also to talk about your anxiety issues, because even with some medications and adequate psychotherapy, these issues can be relatively easily solved. The doctor may propose you to seek support from some group of people with similar problems and there you can even find someone who understands better than your immediate social circle. That's at least for the beginning. And, regardless how it may look difficult you need to try to make social connections and friendships. They may not last for a life (in fact, only few people stay with you for a whole life), but you need other people to live. And then, in 20 years, you'll look back at your 17's and say how your life was really beautiful!
    Scoliosis vertebrae THL
    Sy CC et CB
    Sy THS
    Sy LS chr
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