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I don't know which is worse

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,671
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:19 AM in Matters of the Heart
The casual "How are you"? - Do I say OK and then have my co-workers talk behind my back because I leave early because I'm in such pain. Or do I tell the truth and have them say, but you don't look like you're in pain. Really? You know I try really hard for that. Days when I have to sit on the floor to prop my arm on the tub to hold my blowdryer. Maybe I should just come in looking like crap. Then no one would ask.



  • :) i know the casual "how are you" is no place to go into a liteny but perhaps your coworkers hould be informed of your situation ONCE. then, when asked you can be honest and answer with "not so good today!" they know the details and you have been honest and true to yourself without any more explantaions needed. letting them know you are a chronic pain patient is fair to everyone. you don't need to hide how you feel anymore. everone likes honesty! Jenny :)
  • You know, that fibromyalgia commercial where the woman says "If I looked like I felt, then would people believe me?" and then they show her sore areas and they are all bruised-looking? - well that sucker hits the nail on the head. I am thinking it's a good da*#ed thing we don't look like we feel! Personally speaking, I guess. Usually, when people ask me how I'm doing, I say either "...been better; been worse" or "It must be a good day because I was able to get out of bed today!" :P

    My boss asked me a few weeks ago how I manage when I am in constant pain. And she was genuinely interested, not just blurting rhetoric. Those on this site know that we do what we must, and try to leave the rest.

  • My boy is disabled and many people used to look, which is OK because he looks different, my objection was when they stare or think they have the answer to his problems, or say he does not know any difference so then it must be ok. The dilemma here is that some people will ask and you will not be able to tell everyone, I am selective who I tell about my condition and the problem is with them and not me. My recently deceased sister had cancer and initially told everyone, again this they thought gave them an option to have every opinion going from the tabloid view to the best diet for improvement, which was frankly insulting.

    Her all clear, turn to secondary bone cancer and this time she told nobody and I was proud of her tenacity, she had learned from her initial mistake which was not her fault anyway. I have a spectrum of replies dependent on how I am feeling at the time, from a smile to I am fine, or you could get the full unedited version. As patients we sometime complain at not being asked or asked and this is not necessarily the question it is in the mode of the question that can be inconsiderate or offensive. I don’t particularly want to walk about with a flashing light on my head, expectant that anyone else has the right to question my integrity, they are not living my life, I am doing a good job and do not need the comment of these individuals to elude to my unseen condition.

    You have the right to make the decision for yourself and that is your choice, be it right or wrong, people can have opinions but they cannot have mine.

    Rest in peace my beloved sister, now an angel of some distinction and just do it attitude.

    John x

  • John, i am sorry for the loss of your sister but the situation is a little different. she will be working daily, possibly for years, with these same people. i cannot see what is wrong with a one time explanation to them. the "letter to normals" would work as well. i can understand your point but i do feel there is a very big difference. i hope you are resting easier with your loss. Jenny :)
  • My PT - Jim said he didn't know how I did it and managed to keep a smile on my face. I told him it was all a public facade. I'm different when I'm alone.
  • Since I started this job I've had a walking boot for 3 months from a fall, abdominal surgery in Jan. , tennis elbow and now all of this with surgery coming. I've been here since 10/06. Before I came I had menengitis and was out of work for 2 years. I'm just going to tell people I don't feel good if I don't feel good.
    One of the guys I work with knows if I'm quiet then somethings wrong. Unfortunately, that's more often than not lately.
  • I think how I take their questions tone is sometimes based upon my level of pain.
    I also teeter on the "why don't they ask" to "why don't they leave me alone" teeter-totter a lot! There are days when I wish I could transfer my pain to the sarcastic for 5 minutes.
  • If only people could see our pain. I wish I had the answers for you but I just don't. I hope that you can find a way to keep your spirits up. I know it's draining keeping that public "face" on, so make sure that you find a way to vent too or else it will all build up.

    Good luck with everything. Hugs, Spicey :)
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