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Scared and at the end of my rope

jph726jjph726 Posts: 1
edited 06/14/2015 - 8:55 PM in Chronic Pain
This is my first time reaching out for support. I have suffered with pain for almost 20 years now. It started as Psoriatic arthritis progressed to neck surgery then after being on strong meds that weakened my immune system I suffered from fungal pneumonia for 1 1/2 years which almost killed me. Through all of this I have a wife who has been there for me through it all and is my angel. I work in home remodeling and despite the pain I continued to work trying to wait until I was older before filing for Social Security. So self employed I continued and did my best all the while gobbiling down pain meds to get through the day. My pride said you are to young to be on S.S. Now when I can not do it any more I find out that being self employed and not knowing the law about contributing to your S.S. for 5 of the last 10 years I am not eligible for help. So by waiting until I was basicly unable to work and not wanting to take advantage of S.S. when I could still work I am now unable to receive help. I have tried many times and get turned down . I have the credit but because I waited to long to ask for it its not there any more. I went back to school and am 3/4 of the way to a associates degree and cannot afford to finish the schooling. I am close to losing my home and everything we have worked so hard to achieve. My future is nothing but pain if I new I would have a home which is on a 15 year mortgage and 5 years from being paid off it would be easier to cope with but now I don't even know if I can pay next months mortgage. I realize there are many, many, many others who are in the same or even worse situation out there but it is just therapeutic to tell my story. I have no family besides my wife and because I am pretty much unable to live an active life no friends to speak of I do not expect a miracle but I am tired of praying and asking for guidance and help or direction maybe a sign or even a $50 winner on a scratch off lotto which I am ashamed to say I spent $5 on hoping for a miracle. I do not know what I expect to come from this but I had to tell someone how I feel I can not burden my wife anymore I try to keep a strong front for her not to worry her anymore than I have. Well hats it thanks for reading this and God Bless all who are in pain and I pray for your peace and recovery soon JPH
James P. H.


  • LizLiz Posts: 7,832
    Please take the time to read this post and refer to it when you have questions

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    Doug Hell


    Also working with us very closely is Allison Walsh from the Spine-Health company


    Liz, Spine-health Moderator

    Spinal stenosis since 1995
    Lumber decompression surgery S1 L5-L3[1996]
    Cervical stenosis, so far avoided surgery
  • Even though you don't qualify for SSD, you may qualify for SSI, which is based on your income. It is often the alternative for people who do not have enough work credits to qualify for SSD. You can go to the SS website and apply I believe.
    Also contact your mortgage company and file the paperwork for HAMP or a modification .

  • Red1966RRed1966 Posts: 2
    edited 06/16/2015 - 4:47 PM
    I just want you to know that there is someone out there who cares very much about you. You are carrying a heavy load and I hope and pray that life gets easier for you. You are heroic in your strength. Best of luck.
  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,427
    There are resources out there you may not be aware of.
    Have you seen a social worker?
    No cost to you, and I have found them very helpful in thinking of ways to making my life easier.

    As is the saying," You don't know what you don't know!"

    My friend was ineligible for Disability because he did not work enough to have enough quarters in the system.
    He had kidney transplants and complications, first transplant at five years old.

    He was on Medicaid. He received money, he did live in section eight housing, but it was not what stigma may imply.
    He had very nice apartment, had his medical bill and medications paid for and money for living expenses.

    I do not know how all that works, but may be worth looking into.
    I know you are disappointed in putting aside some of your plans for the future.
    i think many of us here can relate in needing to shift gears and change direction.

    Spine-Health Moderator
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • oh my goodness, your letter touched me so. I can relate to so much of what you are saying. ive come to learn that depression plays a big part of this. I have been living with pain it seems like forever. with no solution and a brick wall every w here I turn, I can offer you only this; hope. you need it and you must believe that it will not be like this forever. talk to your dr. if he is not the kind of guy you can talk to, go to another. tell your story, be heard. tell the dr what you told us. I have yet to find a dr such as this, but continue on what seems to be the only way. frankly, I am just not healthy. I have worsening copd(God d arn cigarettes) which has developed into a cardio issue and I still haven't quit smoking! so much pressure, I could cry. yet, something puts my feet on the ground every day., and I thank God I have yet another opportunity to help myself. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make your worries go away. life is hard enough, let alone doing it in pain. your wife sounds like an angel and I bet youll agree, my husband and her deserve an award, even if its just for listening to me :(. anyway, keep sharing with us and update me on how things are going. prayers for you,,,,Kathy

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