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Date Night???????

I've been suffering with chronic pain for a very long time & my husband has been suffering right along with me! I do everything I can to manage my pain but my level of functioning isn't particularly high. I can't sit through a meal really. Standing for any length of time is agony....if the person before me at the shops checkout has a problem or 'price check' I start to go white, flock sweat, nausea etc. & doing anything different from the very limited 'normal' will leave me dealing with increased pain for a week which is very hard with young kids to take care of all the time.

I know I'm not the only one here living with there kinds of problems. My question is what do you do as a couple? I'm talking date night, fun, excitement? We went to one of those dinner & a movie type cinemas & because of the big low comfortable chairs it worked! Of course I hurt but that wasn't the focus (maybe when I had to stand-up) but my pain was pushed to the side-lines for a couple of really nice hours.
We don't have family or friends to watch the kids so any alone time will involve using a baby-sitting agency & the expense involved (& stress of a stranger. If anyone has any recommendations?) so running off to New York for a romanic weekend is impossible.
We desperately need a life outside of my pain & the routine of my husbands work, home, put kids to bed, watch a show, go to bed. Rinse & repeat...... What do you guys do? What does your weekend involve?
I'm so exhausted with my pain & the kids that all I need to do is rest at the weekend. Do you feel the same? How do you motivate yourself to do more? Do you do stuff every weekend? Am I just thinking 'the grass is greener' & everyone else has discovered fantastic spiney activities?

Please help & share! ;-)
Osteoarthritis & DDD.


  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,476
    Rinse and repeat!
    I think you have such a good attitude :)

    In reality, I know some of us more limited than others.
    But to me, it also seems others may have more activities of fun, grass being greener. Reminds me of that old book, I forget authors name, a woman, __Grass is always greener over the septic tank!_____

    Myself, I'm pretty limited. Dinner out, movies, visiting with group of friends, all that I find to be stressing on my body, at the time and couple days after.
    Visiting with friends, I usually disappear for a time to stretch out on friend's bed to relieve some of the thoracic pain.
    Sometimes they visit with me there! It funny! But they are close friends and they try to understand.
    But I really don't consider it fun.

    If I get invite to party or heaven forbid, a wedding, I just know no way I can go. For a moment I'm excited! I think I can still dance! but then quickly realize, I can barely sit for any length of time. So the fun changes into ordering a gift!

    When thinking of going out, the two of us, I so much enjoyed car rides. Nice time to talk. If seasonal, looking at decorations.
    Or to drive through forest preserve, maybe get out and walk short distance. Driving to the lake and talking and watching others.

    While at home, and this will sound silly, I enjoyed picnics in bed!
    We'd order dinner, some desserts we wouldn't usually splurge on, and we'd eat, talk and laugh! No tv. Just the two of us.

    I no longer have my significant other, but those are some of my fondest memories!

    I realize they may be simple and maybe silly to others, but that was fun for me!

    Spine-Health Moderator
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • itsautonomicitsautonomic LouisianaPosts: 1,807
    A social life, something that the importance of is underestimated. Humans need interaction and not interaction where in so much pain just thinking about leaving
    Do your due dilegence, trust you know your body and question everything if it does not fit. Advocate for yourself and you will be suprised what will be revealed trusting your body and instinct.
  • Thank you Savage. I like the idea of special picnics in bed. I've concentrated so much on keeping a 'normal' life for our kids that I've forgotten to keep some 'spoons' for my marriage. It's so hard to maintain a relationship as the years pass. Chronic pain is so hard on a relationship. We promise "In sickness & health" but we never expect to actually live it. It's been nearly 10 years & my husband confesses to being numb to my pain & problems. There's a fine line between intimacy & sharing everything & keeping my mouth shut & pretending I'm not in pain for the sake of a normal life.
    I've fallen into the trap of rarely leaving the house other than for the essentials & taking the kids to special events. As my husband says, 'I've forgotten how precious weekends are when you work hard long hours all week.' it would be easier if we had a support system. Our kids have never stayed at grandparents or aunts & uncles. It's us 24/7 & that's no fun for the 'normal' one in the relationship...He can still dance at weddings!! We don't have close friends who visit & I can't disappear to rest if we go to others houses. It's usually work acquaintances....
    Do other chronic spineys stay home at the weekends most of the time? Ugh! It's so hard.
    Osteoarthritis & DDD.
  • William GarzaWilliam Garza TexasPosts: 2,391
    edited 06/23/2015 - 8:51 PM
    Was usually sitting outside my villa in the lake district at sundown
    Feet up on the low warm stone wall and a snifter of Brandy
    Then as i wake up from this pleasant diversion with mybneck in flames cramping and sparkly feet and hands,my ex would move away as if all 6 foot of me was gonna break.
    Quietly taking a dose,of painkiller and a smile for the audience oncenwas good enough.

    You know what?
    The simple sensual almost bestest feeling..was laying down on the hot sand at the beach..get all wigglely and make myself a spot and ahhhhh
    As my long gone other half would bake in a chair
    A cold tea in one hand
    A gritty sammy in the other
    That was good
    Or going to the lake,with besties,some dogs,cheeze and big comfy chairs,then goun into zero gravity as much as my chubby butt will allow me to float in warm water..
    Floating face down and hold breath,arms hnging limp
    OMG! the best,untill some,one gets all,worried and comes,to fit you( i go all zen state..for minutes :) l
    the measure of pleasure is worth the pain.
    A marguerita while sitting aside some person was good enough.
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • EnglishGirlEEnglishGirl Posts: 1,825
    edited 06/25/2015 - 6:29 AM
    I'm content with warm company & a little comfort. Trying to maintain some semblance of a 'normal' life for my partner is getting harder as the years pass. I've tried pushing through my pain in the past with some disasterous results! I'm trying to find a middle ground...fun for my husband, survivable for me....is there such a thing?
    Occasional adventures, pushing myself to the limit, traveling somewhere to vacation or attend a special event is one thing. It's the 'normal' week by week things that we can do to keep everyone happy that has me stumped! I'm too comfortable with a soft sofa, good movie & a loving hand to hold.... That's not enough 'life' for my perfectly healthy, young (ish) husband. Chronic pain & a social life don't seem to fit together....
    Osteoarthritis & DDD.
  • itsautonomicitsautonomic LouisianaPosts: 1,807
    It's like oil and water. Chronic pain destroyed what I knew as a social life
    Do your due dilegence, trust you know your body and question everything if it does not fit. Advocate for yourself and you will be suprised what will be revealed trusting your body and instinct.
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