Just got results of latest MRI. Scarring from Epidural Fibrosis is spreading. My Pain doctor confirmed that I am feeling more pain. Sometimes with constant pain, I am not sure if I am just having a bad pain day or if it is actually getting worse.
Today I noticed that my legs are getting weaker. They burned after only a short distance of walking. Before this, I wouldnt think twice about walking the length of time I did. I did it everyday. Its part of my job. Today told me that my body is changing. I dont get any less thorough exercise than I had before. I would walk in our yard at my job...it is quite big, maybe 5 acres. I would walk across it like nothing. Today I walked about 75 yards and I noticed I am getting tired and legs are getting heavy. I recently stopped wearing steel toe boots, thinking that maybe I am straining my back. But now I am in tennis shoes and its no different.
Been missing a lot of work time. Missing some sleep. Sleep schedule is very strange. Some days I will go to bed at 9:30pm exhausted, and I wake up every few hours during the night. And other days, I cant seem to get to sleep until after 1:30 am and sleeping hard for like 3 hours and get up for work drained. Some days I cant get out of bed without severe discomfort. I go into work later or not at all depending on my pain level.
My doctor also told me in same appointment that I will need to start thinking about disability income. As my health and pain gets worse, I may start losing mobility and thats when we will start looking into other options. He mentioned that spinal stimulator thing. He said we wont do that until I start losing mobility. Hmmm interesting. Chances are, it may not work for me he says. I dont think he is telling me this to bring me down but every single option I have tried failed. I continue to get worse. He said he doesnt want to do another surgery on me until I get much worse. He doesnt want to increase my scarring. He also mentioned, in the next few years, there could be some new treatment to help. I guess he is right. Lets not get too invasive until it needs to be done or maybe he wants to see if something comes out before I get the stimulator thing.
I asked my pain doctor if there was some where I can go or someone I can see to learn how to deal with the emotional distress I am going thru. Is there some kind of psychological therapist? So he will check for me. As for me, I am not doing well. I dont go anywhere unless I absolutely need to. I try to stay upbeat but when pain is all there is, it is hard to keep a smile on my face. I cant always act like nothing is wrong. I am tired all the time. It seems that holding this pain in is very energy expensive. I am so tired. I want this to stop. I felt that I have paid for my imperfections and selfish actions already. I cant imagine how it will be when I get much older, if I get older. If it hurts this bad now, how bad will it be later?
Well, thats all I have to say for now. Just having a bad pain day and it completely screws my mood up. At least I can still work and walk and drive. It gets harder everyday.