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This can't be my life...

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,671
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:19 AM in Depression and Coping
Today I hate my life. I hate my limitations, I hate the pain, I hate not being able to work, I hate being stuck at home. I'm very tired of it all and I really want my old life back now.

Boy that sounds like a pity party and I guess it is.

It's just been a bad day.



  • Sounds like you have a case of cabin fever... find something to go and do, like maybe getting some ice cream (I'm always looking for a reason to go get ice cream) to get you out of the house, if possible. When you feel so crappy for such a long time it's easy to have a pity party for yourself. Don't beat yourself up over it!
    Hang in there!!
  • I met a friend of mine for lunch and I was already feeling blue and having a rough day pain wise. I almost cancelled but I thought maybe getting out would help take my mind off of the pain for a little while. Instead I got a lecture from her about how I should just "put all this behind me". She said I just need to get back to work and quit wallowing in this, that it probably only seems bad because I dwell on it. Generally, I try to stay upbeat or at least on an even keel, but sometimes it's just one of those days when it is difficult for me to deal with the total change in my life. And then to have someone who doesn't even care enough to ask how I'm doing lecture me on what I "should" be doing, was about all I could take for today.
  • Cathy,

    Don't you just want to scream that from the highest mountain? ENOUGH! I'VE HAD ENOUGH! Trust me, in the last swear I've had more days like that than good days and I've often wondered how my once wonderful life got to be this way.

    This entire process is akin to a kind of death. We literally have to go through that greiving process and all of the steps of it to come to the final stage- acceptance.
    My biggest hurdle in this is realizing that, no matter what I did or said, I was not going to make anyone else realize how I felt. They simply won't put themselves in your shoes because it's too real, too scary, too close to home and it's easier for them to sit back, deny your misery or, often times even worse, advise you on how you can "get over it or get it all back". Blech....stop it people!

    All we can do Cathy is go on and try to make the best of our lives with the tools that we're left with. In the start that's hard- we don't know how much we'll really be able to do. It's getting easier for me now to see myself doing life in a different way. You know why? Because, after sitting here having NO life for so long I've given up begging for the old one back. I'll take ANY life now, work any job, have any fun, drive any distance that I'm now capable of. I'm given up mourning my kennel full of hunting dogs and spending days in the field with them and am now happy to be able to walk 2 of the ones I have left down my lane- I couldn't even walk a dog for 6 months. It becomes a matter of perspective and hopefully it will change for you. I never thought I'd get there either.

    Don't give up trying. There is always hope. And don't underestimate will and the human spirit. Nothing happened to take away your beautiful mind so try not to allow your injury to corrupt that too.

    Hugs to you,


  • Sorry to hear you got a lecture instead of support....it's SO hard for people who are NOT in chronic pain to understand our frustrations and anxieties. I'm glad you went out of the house, but am sorry you had to deal with that.

    I think it's healthier to recognize the days we feel cr*ppy instead of pretending they don't happen; at least we can REALLY appreciate the good days when they come.

    Take care, be kind to yourself, and I hope there are better days ahead for you.

  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,855
    Hi Cathy, you wouldn't be normal if you didn't have some bad days. Days in which everything looks so dark, nothing seems or feels to be going right. You don't even know how you go into that mood.
    Probably the last thing you wanted to hear is what your friend was lecturing to yo about.
    I find it very sad and rude when people who do not have a clue to what chronic pain is start to tell you That you should do this, or that you should do that and just get over it
    I think that the only people that you can listen to when they start in on that, are people who have been in your shoes and understand what pain is all about.
    Most importantly for your own sanity is to figure out how to deal with everything. For different people there are different ways to come out of those downward spirals. Anyone dealing with chronic pain will go through this roller-coaster ride. You know you are going to have bad days, days when everything just seems to be going wrong. And then you will have those better days, when you feel that things are going in the right direction.
    If we all knew the secret on how to hold on to those good times, we would all be much happier.
    Good luck, All things must pass
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • I feel EXACTLY how your feeling!!!!!!!!

  • cathyS

    We all want an element of our old life back, to be that person we once we and that is very understandable. We all have bad days and this is pain if venting works for you that is ok and we are all entitled to a good SHOUT.

    Wishes never changed anything, and the key thing is to look at what you can do and unfortunately having to develop that, my son is disabled and my role is to help support him in achieving things and feeling good about himself, caring for him when he needs me and helping him to help himself.

    Feeling pity is good in that it defines in us that we are unhappy with our lot, the key is to pay it respectful homage and then move on, and otherwise it is just a wasted life and energy. I hate all the things you and we all hate I also have a love list which in my able bodied days never existed in this form, life passed by very busy and just with concern for myself.

    I have a short term goals list which is part of a bigger objective, I will never do the thing I did and as you that element of my life have now gone, lost and it is sad. More sad is not doing the things that I can do, my wants list now forms parts of my needs list and is becoming shorter. I have adapted and found the good things in what I do now, or I could sit down and wish things were different, none of this is easy and as you may take all my effort and skill at my disposal. I will never give in and my last breath will be consumed doing what I want, not wishing I had done it. It will not be what I perceived in my healthy days but it will mean something to me.

    Have a good vent then move on, life is for living.

    Taka care John

    Ps My sister died from cancer in January, she will be watching !.
  • It just burns my buns to think that a friend would say this to you!! I wish I could hug you, and tell you it's all ok, or sit there with you, and say nothing at all, just listen. I even wish that we could just spend the day moping around the house, vegging on the couch, watching nothing on TV and pigging out on Ice cream.

    I've come to find through the last few tough years, there are not many people who want, or can understand our pain, let alone the depression that comes with it.

    A few years ago, I found myself pregnant, 3,000 miles away from home, and in a very bad situation with my husbands family. I was so depressed, I couldn't get out of bed to eat, or even talk to anyone without crying. I wanted to go home, I wanted my Mom. My mother and I have always been BEST friends. My midwife referred me to a counselor... to whom I cried to for our entire session. The counselor said she understood my pain. I had left my home to be with my husband, and "I needed to go back" "I NEEDED to get away from my alcoholic mother-in-law" (This is what she said to me) I was so grateful that someone finally understood. I could never tell my husband any of what I was feeling, so she asked that I bring him to my next session, and she would help me. Don't you know that next week, when I brought my husband, and cried it all out to him, the therapist told me I "needed to get over it" that "people move away from their families all the time", and that "I have an unhealthy attachment to my family"!!!!

    I was completely blindsided. I thought this woman understood me, and was trying to help. Even someone whose job it is to understand depression, didn't get it!

    That time did pass. And I am here today to listen to you, and be here for you. Even if I don't understand what you are feeling... I will never judge you, or tell you that what you are feeling is wrong.

    Your feelings are yours, and you have the RIGHT to feel them... even if people try to tell you otherwise.

    I am almost always online, if you ever want to chat, or vent ok darlin?

  • Thanks so much for all the support. It's been a rough couple of weeks and it kind of feels like my entire world has turned upside down but I think I'm just going to decide that like Lionel Richie (don't laugh, I remember him) I'm just going to have to start "dancing on the ceiling".

    I wish I could turn back the clock and have my old life back, but that isn't going to happen. I try to focus on moving forward but sometimes I get bogged down in the feelings of loss for the life I used to live. I saw my PCP and she put me on an antidepressant. I didn't want to need one but I guess I do.

    Griff, my doc said the same thing you did - that it is like dealing with a death and that we have to grieve for the life we no longer have and then move forward.

    All of you, thanks so much for being here and listening to me vent. I'm realizing what all of you said, that people just are not able to understand unless they have been through this.

    Here's to dancing on the ceiling! Maybe this way, things will start looking up!
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