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I need help now

klm2058kklm2058 Posts: 3
edited 07/28/2015 - 10:46 AM in New Member Introductions
Forgive me for getting right to the point of my problems. Im hurting so bad all over, even using my finger tips to post this I have tears running down my face I have cervical hernated disc C5-C7..along with spinal neuropathy due from contracting Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever from tick 4 yrs ago. Wasnt expected to survive but here I am..feeling once Blessed that I lived now sitting wondering why. I have seen a lot of doctors over the years & many trips to ER. Had a pain management Dr. once that got upset due to I removed pain patch in her office due to I had blisters around site..next thing I know im being told Im being discharged for going to have dental surgery & getting pain meds (same ones she had already had me on) but I had called and asked if I could get med filled young lady answered phone said yes as long as it was same meds I was already on. That Dr continued to see me three months later not mentioning anything until the day I took pain patch off..arguing with me that patch wasnt causing the blister. WTH it was around the patch oozing watery blood. Now its on my record DISCHARGED like Im a drug addict. Never failed a test..never missed an appointment..always had more pills than required during pill count. (I hate taking pills). Could not find a doctor to take my daily severe pain over after that. Now I lost my job we are a very low income family..no medical insurance..no meds to help with pain in need of cervical surgery bad..no doctors..hospital says nothing they can do for this that I need surgery. My pain now is debilitating. Even my bed sheets hurt touching me..I sleep 2-4 hrs every night I cry most of day..depressed..came so close taking mylife until my son happened to walk in before I did it. Another few minutes I would not be doing this postm I cant drive..barely can walk..I have fell..I have three sons grown and a girl 11 years old. I love t by email more than anything but my daughter helps me as uf she is my mother. I hear her crying about she wants a normal mom who can do things with her. I no longer have any friends..I have nobidy that emotionally supports me..my family makes me feel as if Im a big burden on them. I have yelled top of my lungs due to Im mad I woke the hell up to endure another long day in this messed up hell I live in. Im 43 yrs old..my life is over..Im the dead breathing. I use to be a loving happy always on the go..full of life..thanking God for another beautiful day..to living in pure hell feeling my body in gulf of fire on a daily basis. Im not living any more Im just here taking up space and suffering. Only peace I get at all from this pit of fire and pain that Im in..is the little few hours I sleep so I figure If I stay sleep..how great the thought not to feel this pain any more. I dont take day to day..its to long for me I pray what seems like every min of every day I can make it through next 60 seconds without putting myself out of this hell. With no insurance..dont qualify in Va for medicade..free clinics booked not taking anyone..dont qualify for credit or make payment arrangements cant afford my bills as it is in hopes right now I can keep lights on..food..roof over our heads...I have contacted everybody I can think of..reached out to The Governor's office..NOTHING!! I HAVE NO MORE FIGHT IN ME NOT EVEN AN OUNCE OF ENERGY TO EVEN CARE..IM TO WEAK AND TIRED.(ANEMIA.M.ASTHMA..CYST ON OVERY...MIGRAINES..ALL I WISH FOR IS HELP SOMEONE TO CARE TO GIVE MY DAUGHTER THE MOM TO SO MUCH DESERVES...I EVEN TAKE BEING PARALIZED AT LEAST I WONT HURT..I PRAY FOR IMMEDIATE SURGERY & PAIN MANAGEMENT..SO I CAN HAVE AND ENJOY MY LIFE..JUST A LITTLE I WILL BE OK..BETTER THAN NO LIFE..THIS PAIN IS BEYOND WHAT I CAN EXPLAIN AND ITS EVERYDAY NOW..ALL DAY..NEVER GIVES ME A BREAK TO JUST TAKE A BREATH..PLEASE SOMEONE IF YOU CAN BE MY MIRACLE OH HOW WILL I BE FOREVER GRWATFUL..WITHOUT A MIRACLE..COMING VERY SOON COULD BE TO LATE FOR ME..GOD FORGIVE ME BUT I CANT TAKE THIS MUCH LONGER!
Tired of hurting


  • LizLiz Posts: 7,832
    Suicide Help Resources

    Suicide Hotline Numbers
    USA: 1-800-784-2433
    UK : 08457 90 90 90
    ROI: 1850 60 90 90

    Suicide Hotline Numbers for Canada (URL Link)

    Please take the time to read this post and refer to it when you have questions

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    Spinal stenosis since 1995
    Lumber decompression surgery S1 L5-L3[1996]
    Cervical stenosis, so far avoided surgery
  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,459
    Have you sought treatment with a psychiatrist?
    I had my battle with depression,... and anger, with my chronic pain.

    I saw a psychiatrist and did some talk therapy. One of my therapists specialized with chronic pain and depression.
    She was most helpful.
    I continue to see psychiatrist every three months for maintenance of my medications.
    Some of medications for depression also treat chronic pain and very effective for some people. It may take time to have proper med and dosage as everyone is so individual with their response to meds.

    The hotline numbers provided above are not to be taken lightly as they can be very helpful.
    During my darkest time, I had hotline number programmed into my phone.
    I would call whenever I had troubling thoughts. That means I would call day or night and just say whatever I wanted.
    It wasn't that I expected any miraculous revelations to change my life, but it was reaching out as in taking it one day, one minute at a time.

    You know taking your life would be devastating to your children, but it bears a reminder. Your attempt to escape your pain would cause them pain for the rest of their lives. Sometimes we think we would give our lives for our children.
    Sometimes that means living ...through our sufferings ...for them.

    Have you spoken with your primary doctor about your situation? Is he able to understand and help you find a different pain management doctor and or clinic?

    It seems you do not have a support system for practical help, as you mentioned, to even help out with the children.
    You do not need to belong to a church, for ex, to reach out to people who may volunteer services, ex, help with shopping or such. Just a thought.

    I also, saw and continue to see a social worker who helps me with available services that I never knew I was able to receive.
    And to help me navigate through the system.
    Your town may provide those services or a local hospital. Some of those services would or could also be for volunteers to help with practical situations, light housekeeping, shopping, meals, driving to,doctor appointments.

    I continued to tell my story to my doctor until I received help. And there is help out there.
    You are not alone in your struggles.
    If you continue with these troubling thoughts, you can even admit yourself to hospital.
    They would definitely be able to work with you!
    Spine-Health Moderator
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • Betty65BBetty65 FloridaPosts: 83
    What a horrible, horrible place you are in but I am so glad you found this site. The members here can surely relate to what you are going through, and many of us I'm sure are praying for each other. I am praying now for you. That one PM doctor....? Wow. I wish you would have taken pictures of the area around the patch so you could show it to another doc. Did you? I wonder if there are any docs out there who specialize in people living with the after effects of Rocky Mountain fever? And do you have someone who can go to the doctor with you as an advocate? I know that when I am in pain I can hardly remember what the doctor says and I can come across a little strong because I am frustrated. Having someone there seems to help.....at least I've noticed they take a little more time with me when I bring someone along.

    I am truly praying for you and will check back to see how you are doing.

  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,856
    I think you should take a lot of their advice.

    Professional help and talking to someone on the Suicide line might be very helpful.

    Unfortunately, there really isn't anything we can do to help your situation, except for what we have already said
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • itsautonomicitsautonomic LouisianaPosts: 1,807
    edited 07/28/2015 - 5:39 AM
    Is rocky mountain fever considered same as Lyme? If so the lasting effects can be devestating and you need to see a lyme literate doctor. Tick borne diseases often have a large neuropathic and autonomic portion. Is the doctor saying you need cervical surgury ? I only ask because neurapathy , especially from an illness, can make the pain so much worse and fool you. You just dont want to have surgury for burning pain when you have neurapathy unless you are for sure that the neck issue is the cause.
    Only a person who is undoubtably in uncontrolled, unmanageable pain would think being paralyzed would be better just not to suffer the pain. I am not judging because I have been there in moment of weakness just begging for the pain to stop or wishing I could trade the pain for a leg etc etc. I am sorry you are dealling with all this and I hope something can be done, even with limited reasources.
    Do your due dilegence, trust you know your body and question everything if it does not fit. Advocate for yourself and you will be suprised what will be revealed trusting your body and instinct.
  • I have a lot of dark thoughts, too. My boy is not quite 1 year old. A couple days ago, I thought about the desperation my wife and I would feel if we went to get him from his crib and he was just lying on his little mattress lifeless. Not that I expect it to happen, but I hate this life and world for even letting such a possibility exist.

    A few days ago, I was looking at my feet and comparing them to my boy's feet. (He has stubby toes like me.) We were all precious babies, and in some ways, we still are. Our bodies and minds are miracles, churning away to make sense of the world we're in. As long as we are loved, somebody still takes delight in us. I think of my wife as an inquisitive little girl, stopping to pick a flower or pinching her fingers together to get something off the floor, working to keep her balance. That is who she is, and the one I love with all my heart, and who I care for until the sky falls apart.

    I was a little guy, too. My spine was better then. I'm older, but the precious little guy is still in me. He's the best part of me. It makes my eyes fill with tears just thinking about it. That is the little guy who would get kicked around by life, his face would be riddled with acne, his spine would be devastated, his self-esteem would plummet, and he would never deserve it. He is too precious,, and I don't understand a world where something so precious could come to such harm. I wonder why I would let my own son into this world, but (again) I love him even as the sky falls down around us (and it will).

    Please take care of yourself.
  • Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond to my post. I cant no longer see doctors of any kind. I no longer have medical insurance. My primary doctor no longer takes me due to the fact I didnt keep appointments after I stated not to make me future ones because I have no insurance. She did anyways and dropped patients who didnt show up. I have a social worker whom I have begged to please come up with something or someone to help me with my situation. Im being told there is nobody to refer me to. I have been told by hospitals and a spine doctor (when I had one and insurance) that I needed cervical surgery. Its making my pain so much worse due to I have spinal neuropathy. That fixing that could reduce pain off my spinal cord that is already causing me pain. I hope I answered everyone's questions. Thank you all for your responses.
    Tired of hurting
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