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On the verge of giving up

This is just a message reply I wrote to a kind member on this forum, It is not very detailed, but I have been to easily more than 30 drs and specialists since finding out i def needed surgery, waiting as long as possible because the neurosurgeon I first spoke with said he would give me surgery in a couple days if I wanted it, but when I asked what he would do in my situation he said that since I was barely 25 that I deal with the pain and the arms being temporarily paralyzed etc, until I could no longer take it because he said once I get it, which was a for sure thing he said, it would only get worse, that I would need more and that with how much damage I had and how young I was that even as a last option he said surgery may not help. And he was right, it helped with the length of time my arms are paralyzed but the pain became extremely worse about 5-8 weeks after surgery. The two years leading up to surgery I did PT for three months each year and was able to stay on low doses of pain meds, muscle relaxers, etc. But as time went on and especially weeks following my surgery my pain sky rocketed, and now just over two years later I have been on just about everything between my breakthrough meds and my maintenance meds. I have seen 4 pain specialists, all who after looking at my mir before and after surgery said there wasn't much they could do etc, but I tried the meds, the shots, the electric shocks etc, and some of the meds work better than other but none come close to even cutting my pain in half etc. and things just keep getting worse. I am sorry I do not mean to bitch or waste anyone's time, I guess I am writing this because I have no other way of venting and am stressed and in pain beyond most people's comprehension, But I assume many in here understand. I apologize for my typing and grammar ahead of time as i can barely move my fingers in either hand this morning. But just for some background, my surgery was from my c4-c5, c5-c6, and c6-c7. By the time I had surgery two of the discs were completely gone due to how bad my degenerative disc disease was and one had about 20% left, but it was removed and I had tantalum plates put in where I should have had my discs, almost exactly 2 inches worth of the metal. Between the broken necks I had but did not know and everything else, I had shrunk over an inch to 5'11" and after surgery I was over 6 foot again. But anyways I will post my reply and maybe anyone who has some ideas or anything could help me out if you have time. Thanks for reading, I am sorry it is such a lengthy and poorly written page of scratch, but thanks for letting me vent some.

message below

Sorry, I forgot to come back and check for messages. Yes I have had 4 or 5 pain doctors over the last few years and they, well most, cannot believe I am even walking. I have been on everything almost, been on everything but not all forms. The fent patch was working the best with 30 oxycodone for breakthrough but just recently I have developed an allergy to the glue on the patch and I am not having much luck finding a replacement maintenance pain med Sad Currently my Dr has me on the 60 mg oxycontin ER non crushable for maintenance and took the oxycdone away so I was not on both at the same time in hopes i would not develop as much or as quick of a tolerance so she put me back on 8mg dilaudid, which I have been on before but are not working as good as the oxycdone and the oxycontin is still not coming close towering as well as the rent patch was. So I do not know what to do, but my dr is trying and is helping to keep me hopeful, but with the failed 3 level surgery over 2 years ago, and the pain being much worse than before, but the paralysis in my arms does not last many months at a time any more, usually less than a day but still quite frequent. I just do not know what to do, and disability is trying to not let m win etc, even with proof of severe nerve damage 2 years after the surgery, the pain, etc. I hate life right now as I can barely even stand up and am on bed rest the majority of the time. I was hoping PA would have passed the medicinal mj law this year but looks like it will not happen until the beginning of 2016, but I think it will help when I can get it. But right now other than the dilaudid and the oxy, i am also on 4mg of xanax a day, flexeril, ambian, etc, and still have almost 5 days right now of no sleep at all. I just do not know what to do and am losing hope. I really appreciate your reply and thank you very much. I am told I will need more surgery down the road if not already, but I most certainly do not want it, but once I am paralyzed in the arms again I will have no choice. I have been through or tried everything that over 20 drs and specialists have thought of or tried except for acupuncture which I really want to try. Thanks again, it means a lot. I worked with these conditions 2 jobs 60-90 hours a week, was a college and hs athlete and also boxed after college and ignored the injuries thinking it was not too bad if I could still work or lift with it and just have some pain, etc. But when I started having paralyzation in my arms I decided to go to the dr. I once wrestled a tournament in hs 2 matches with a completely broken sternum. I had swelling the size of a softball at the top of my pec so I thought I tore it and just wrestled to try to help the team out. I guess I am just trying to say I have a very large pain tolerance. I have never filled a prescription for pain, despite over 25 broken bones and 5 or 6 tendon and ligament tears. But the pain I now have after this 3 level cervical spine surgery I had is absurd, I would rather re-break my sternum every day for the rest of my life with no pain meds than live another week like I am now Sad

Thanks again, it means a lot,

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