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I’m still not admitting that I’m depressed,

jj-from montrealjjj-from montreal Posts: 60
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:19 AM in Chronic Pain
I am a logically thinking person, in my mind things have to make sense or I don’t except them. I am aware of my present situation, I’m aware of what my limitations are , I know what’s a head of me;. All this, “I…nbsp; have come to terms with, is this so impossible to believe. Why do people keep asking me how I live with pain all the time, I can’t stand when people feel sorry for me, I especially hate when they offer to help me or do things for me , I go out of my way not to show that I’m disabled, I don’t walk with a Cain and I refuse to get a handicap sign for my car, and I only cry in silence
Tell me; do I sound like I’m depressed?

Im a 48yrs old male, I have moderate to severe chronic pain everyday of my life for the past10 years,
I was diagnosed with sever stinosis in the neck, severe D.D.D
At 37 I had to have a lamanectomy from C3 to C7 inclusive, do to herniated disc that affected my spinal cord. The doctors have made it very clear that there is real nothing left to try, medically to get rid of the pain.
Presently I can not feel with my hands, no sensation, I have pain from my head to my toes. I have been on every type of pain medication and all stopped working after a while
Now I take Lyrica and and medical marijuana


  • You sound frustrated! ">image You can't help how you feel. Be thankful that you have people that care about you and TRY to not finding it insulting when they want to help you. You could be trying to muddle through it alone!! (not trying to sound mean, but rather encouraging)
  • I am sure we all are in one way or another. After my last fusion in 2006, we moved 600 miles away from friends & family...my DH worked all the time. It wasn't until about 3 months ago that I finally admitted I was depressed. I have been in pain for over 10 years & have had 7 surgeries in the past 8 years. To me this is a way of life. I hardly complain & just live with it...this is "normal" to me. I have been on meds a few months for the depression & it has helped.

    I had to stop trying to be "stronge" in order to get better. It's OK....this crap will take a toll on you...I did get a handicap card for parking. People always give me funny looks (I appear "normal") I sometimes even feel guilty...when I do I look at my x-rays!

    Be kind to yourself. :)
  • the sad part of it is,besides alienating all the good helping hearts around you..is,
    that by stating.. that you hate when people feel sorry for you.. and by stating you hate when they offer to help,or do things for you,your using those very terms to draw attention to yourself.kinda self defeating no?
    Yes, to be honest,it sounds like a plea for help.

    Having less abilitys doesnt mean your any less of a person,or that you are somehow demeaned, your actions to society at large will judge your actions,not me
    your actions speak to the larger world of the perceptions that people have of people with issues,and if negative connotations is what you give to the world,then they will b e less sympathetic to a person later down the line.

    But as i said i wont judge you, you will judge you,you seem to be a fighter willing to step up to any problem head on and try to overcome! luck to your emtional battle
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • I like you am 48 and you are a fighter and have eternal hope. I have several close relatives ask me daily how I am doing. If I say the same (post-surg by 1 month) they think something must be wrong with recovery. Give me a break living with pain in silence can be damaging that is why we come here because everyone here is in some sort of pain and looking for comforting support. JJ keep coming here when you are down and I am sure someone will help your cause. We all want a better life and with hope and faith it can occur. Hang in there. :)
  • Keeping it all in and not ever asking for help isn't always the best way to go, a person can only take all this pain and sadness to themselves, it's kind of like a river that is starting to flood the water can only stay in there during the storm before it swells out and causes havoc, i wish you luck my friend~

  • you do sound depressed. Depression can present itself as angry as well as sad. It also sounds like you are trying to isolate yourself and just do not want to be bothered by people in general. You really may want to mention these feelings to your doc as depression is more easily treated in the early stages than the latter. Good luck to you.
  • Hi, I have to say that I have tried the same thing for years, I have denied that I was depressed, that I can handle my deperession, however I am what I call a Workers Compensation reject, they sent me to a head doctor trying to prove that I was nuts and that my pain was all in my head so I guess for the last 5 years I have spent trying to prove to them that It is not all in my head it is true pain. However recently I have discovered that I am loosing the battle, I have found my self very depressed, and feeling very sorry for my self I guess you can say. But I figure after 5 years of pain, and having to play the part of great employee and no matter what happen to me, I am a happy person. Well I am not happy about it any more, I miss the person that I use to be and find that I am angry too because all I have ever wanted is to have my life back like it was,, or to at least have them to say , hey we understand now, the pain that you have been in and we are going to do everything possible to help you.. BUt that is only a world that we dream of.. I only seek my faith in god because without him, I can tell you I would have lost it long time ago., Hang in there and hang on to God. He suffered for us far worse then we have ever suffered and he did it willing, we didnt ask for this and i never remember signing up at my job and signing on to my life to be turnned up side down but it was , I will survive this and in the end God will see me through as well as everyone else who has suffered..

  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,859
    Hi jj from Montreal

    In one post, I've already taken a positive view on you.
    You know what you have, you know what you have to deal with and you will deal with the way you know how to.

    Sometimes the most difficult part in dealing with chronic pain is what others say or do to you:

    1- You dont look so good, it must hurt
    2- Oh, you are smiling, that must mean your problems are gone
    3- Can I do this, that, this , thst for you. Oh, dont get up
    4- Dont Pick that up
    5- and so much more

    I know I get very irritated when people keep harping on my situation and almost try to treat me like a baby or something. Heck, I have what I have and I know it and I appreciate anyone that expresses their concern and well wishes on me.. But that does not mean I have stopped living!

    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
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