I have been in chronic pain since 2004, manageable until 2011 when another injury damaged my central nervous system and changed my life forever. I met many people during my spinal issues from 2004-2011 that had very bad , terrible suffering and now I have met people with central nervous system damage from spine injuries or other causes and diagnosed with central pain and their suffering is beyond what I could have even believed possible. Suffering in a way no human should, a pain so great it changes your hormone production, endocrine production, homeostasis of your body and relentless pain 24/7 that actually can kill you by damage to your heart and internals. If I healed today I would be left with the scars of the children i have met with this relentless pain and the humans that have lost everything ( friends , family, income, job, indentity, emotion, feelings and many more). So even if somehow i all of a sudden healed, I could never look at the world the same or believe the same things I used to about religion, hard work, faith, never giving up and the medical field. I cannot stand the suffering some endure in this life and my heart breaks for each and everyone suffering that way, its inhumane to me. If I healed I would be crushed by a huge guilt that those people are still suffering immensely and I don't know that I could ever be truly happy because I would not understand why I get to be and they have to suffer, I have never once thanked god or anyone that I am not like someone worse, you are thanking at expense of others to feel better. Maybe it's just me and of course I would rather be healed , but I am forever changed by the suffering I have seen and met. I can never begin to understand it. What about you guys? I feel overwhelmed by the stories I have come across and just questioning suffering right now because some of it does not make you any stronger, it just makes you not your true self. I guess if I healed I would try to dedicate my life and time to helping those people suffer a bit less.
Do your due dilegence, trust you know your body and question everything if it does not fit. Advocate for yourself and you will be suprised what will be revealed trusting your body and instinct.