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Did something I probably shouldn't have

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,622
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:19 AM in Matters of the Heart
And e-mailed the ex about $20 he had lent me and paying him back...Very brief, but this whole things is killing me...My heart hurts so bad and I can't stop crying...Sure, I have my good days, but I've never felt like this before.

Probably won't e-mail back and set myself up for nothing, but I miss him so much. And no, I didn't put that or anything emotional in the e-mail. This whole thing is so dumb and I probably shouldn't have done it, but it was the only thing or way that I could reach out to him without throwing all of my emotions in it...

Nothing will probably come of it, but I did it anyways...Shouldn't have listened to my heart since it gets me in these messes, but I did it anyways...He probably won't even respond anyways...Which will hurt too, either way I'm screwed!

Doesn't matter, either way I'm crying.


  • I feel better having sent the e-mail, even though it was just an attempt to get him talking...
  • I know it hurts. Been there, done that. But IMHO any guy who would do this to you doesn't deserve you. No matter what his issues are, unless he's been in a coma the past few weeks. If he did this to you at this stage of your relationship I can only imagine what else he might do later, when it would hurt you even more. I'm gonna sound like a parent and say "one of these days, when you've found the one who loves and cares for you in the right ways, you will realize what a favor this guy did you by dropping out of your life."
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 10,049
    Nancy, sometimes there is not always rhyme nor reason to what makes you do something. Knowing how this situation with your Ex has been eating at you, its not a real surprise you sent the email that you did. Not even to get a response (which wouldn't hurt) but to make you feel just a little bit better.

    Now isn't that worth it? Now if we could only find a way to dry up those tears
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • I really thought/think he was/is the one...I'd never been like that with anyone in my life...Does that make what he did right? No, not by a long shot, however, I can empathize with him and what he did as I do it myself from time to time, although I wouldn't have shut him out...I know what it's like to have a crazy messed up family, I get it and I know what that can do to a person...We just felt right.

    Everyone gets scared and screws up...He treated me like gold up until he disappeared and he has a huge part of my heart...I don't know anymore, I know I feel better having sent it even though it didn't contain much...I don't know, I just had to do it and managed to find something small to do it with, rather than my feelings...

    Maybe you're right Ranch, I just miss him like crazy...Maybe I'm a fool, but I have a feeling he misses me too.
  • Hey, I wasn't implying you're a fool by any means and I hope you didn't take it that way. I would have done the same thing you did. Really. I hope you get a response outa him and tell us what his trip is! Do you have ANY idea?
  • But there just aren't any. Just over a week ago - at the end of the week where my contract with work was official terminated and then my car was taken away, my boyfriend ended our relationship. It was completely unexpected and he gave no explanation apart from that he doesn't love me anymore. We met on saturday to try and talk but he's sticking to his decision and actually told me that he hadn't even missed me at all during the previous week when we'd had no contact. Ouch! It hurts like crazy. Only 3 or 4 weeks ago he was talking about wanting us to have babies and asking if I'd want to marry him once I've divorced. It's made worse by the fact that my husband did this to me 3 years after we got married - he just sent me a text message and by the time I got back home he was gone. It took me almost 2 years to trust anyone enough to even get into a relationship again and now he's done this to me.

    Like you I feel like I want to email and text all the time just to try and keep the channels of communication open, but it's pointless and I realise that. It's difficult, my heart is broken too and now I'm facing having to go through more surgery alone. But we have to be strong. Allow yourself to grieve but try to allow you to just let go and move on. Like I said, it took me 2 years to do that last time and who knows how long this time, but we are made of tough stuff and we will get through it.

    Sending you some big hugs, Spicey
  • I'm so sorry sweetie! Sending you tons of love and big hugs, you've always been there for me and you're so sweet! You don't deserve that...

    My previous ex broke up with me via text message, telling me he was in another relationship!! Then when I got really angry and called him out for acting like that, he ripped me to shreds! He told me that he never said we were together! I must have misinterpreted it when he told me he needed me! We'd been together for a year and a few months off and on. He's a gigantic jerkwad and is ACTUALLY MARRIED NOW to the girl...We broke up less than a year ago.

    If you need ANYTHING, I'm here for you hon!
  • Is that it had nothing to do with us and our relationship, or his feelings for me...Something happened with his family over Memorial Day weekend that really upset him and threw him. he doesn't really like his family that much, he loves his brother and sister but hates his sister-in-law...I also know that he misses his friends a lot and seeing them was hard on him...Other than that, I don't know, I just know that it had nothing to do with "us" or me...

    And I'm just guessing about the family thing, it's the only thing that makes any sense and I knew something was wrong after that weekend. My heart just can't seem to give up on him, although I wish it would at times...

    Don't worry, I didn't take it that way at all :) ...I know better than that!! ;) I do feel like a fool for caring so much, apparently I fell really hard. But so did he, supposedly, at least according to Kim. He basically told her he wanted to marry me (this was before him crawling in his hole)...I know he cared a very great deal for me, this whole thing just seems like a dumb reason to stay apart...And I also know that his feelings for me freaked him out, he'd been alone for over 3 years. I know I made him happy just like he made me happy, and I feel like he still cares. I don't think feelings like ours just disappear overnight or over these past few weeks. For Pete's sake, we'd even discussed me moving over there! With his prompting of course.
  • What else can I say?

    My last boyfriend lived with me and so did his daughter. We'd been together 4 years, and one day he surprised me and told me he was moving out and had already arranged for his daughter to go live with her mom out-of-state. Shortly before that he'd said we'd always be together. Yeah, right. He seriously broke my heart. That stuff is so hard to get through. There's nothing anyone can say, nothing you can do, to make it feel better. Only time. I tell you, I swore off men after that. Exactly a year later I asked my now husband out and we had known each other as friends for 3 years. Well, he was a fast mover and before long he was talking about getting married and I was scared to death! We've been together 9 1/2 years now and he's been good to me but sometimes my mind wonders when the other shoe's gonna drop.
  • sorry for the men acting like ..well ..any way, My ex Gal of five years told me she was pregnant,and i better go coz her boyf was coming over..go figure i "ran" into him out side uuhh accidently, kinda put the fear of Ranch into him when he bowed up to me and i just kinda gently moved him back a few steps..ooops. nice way ta find out your other half has been cheatin hmm?
    Btw,she was untouched by me up until she got preggers,go figure,I dont believe in sex before marriage,so she swam downstream to spawn,there is a kind of justice though,she will never look me eye to eye,the shame of her actions needle her,
    so hope fully the fools who would throw away a good womans love will feel remorse when you have found the love these heartbreaks were leading to, you know a love and loss is just a practice for when ya find the real forever thing, no?
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • I feel like the luckiest woman in the world, married to a wonderful man for 22 1/2 years. Looking back to when I was 19 and had my heart broken by Mr. tall dark and handsome, I realize what I thought was true love was actually just a small part of love.

    I just wanted to tell spicey and fancy that it will get easier. I was totally head over heels in love with Mr. Tall. I thought we were perfect for each other; we discussed my "waiting" for him while he was gone for 2 years on a church mission, and I thought I would spend eternity with him.

    Just before he left, he dumped me. I thought my world had ended, and I couldn't understand why...what was wrong with me...why didn't he love me as much as I thought he did...what did I do? All kinds of thoughts went through my young mind, and I cried more buckets of tears than my mother thought possible.

    But you know what, life goes on. I now know that I had only scratched the surface of love with Jon. My heart was broken, but I eventually found a better Mr. Short Fair and Handsome whom I adore.

    I wouldn't want to be at that stage of my life again. but I wanted you to know that it will get easier as time goes on. I'm so sorry for your emotional pain right now, and I know it hurts as much as the physical pain we are going through. Try to look at your relationships and pick out things that you can learn from them. And take it one day at a time. You are both young and beautiful, and Mr. Right will come along one day.

    Surviving chronic pain one day at a time, praying for a reprieve because living another 40 years like this doesn't sound too fun!
  • Hi Fancy,

    I don't have any profound philosophical advice for you, sorry.
    Only that I was with a girl for about 4 years and it ended.
    It took me 5 years to get over her.
    I did go out on a bunch of first dates, but my heart just wasn't in to it. So, I took myself out of the dating pool.

    Then, one day, all of a sudden, love walked in again. Wasn't even looking for it. It was magic. Instantaneously erasing all previous sad thoughts and feelings. I was with her 2 years and was getting ready to settle down.

    Then.....kaboom! I caught her in an unethical and unacceptable situation and the relationship instantly ended.
    She called me a few months after to tell me she missed me so much and wanted me back, but was with a new guy.
    Nice. Just twist the knife more, will ya?!
    That was 2 years ago. I am still hung up on her.

    It sux soooooo bad and hurts like hell. But what are we gonna do?
    So anyways, we can at least comiserate here.

    I hope love walks in to your life again. :D

    On the sunny and mild Central Coast of California

    L4-L5 endoscopic transforaminal microdiscectomy June, 2007
    L5-S1 endoscopic transforaminal microdiscectomy May, 2008
  • Well, with Kim working like crazy to try and set me up with every guy in her office, maybe it will happen, lol! She's a great friend, I have no complaints there...I know she's supposed to be like Switzerland and neutral (she's friends with both of us) but I think she's kind of peeved at him for doing what he did...I haven't heard anything yet but he doesn't check his e-mail every day so that doesn't surprise me.

    I'm so sick of playing the dating game I could puke...But it is what it is, so I can't do much about it! And I'm down because my birthday's next Wednesday and I always seem to end up being alone on my birthday...And the 5th wheel as I'm the only one not coupled up, so I go to my dinners alone and sit there while my mom and sister have their SO's and talk about that stuff and I just sit there.
  • Fancy,

    I don't know the whole story of what happened with you and your ex. It did remind me of this wonderful guy who happened to "walk into" my life 9 years ago. I had given up men all together... and actually had no interest in a relationship with him at all. I was tired of giving every part of myself, and ready to have some fun of my own. With full intentions of a one night stand... much to my surprise, he actually called the next day, and the next, and the next. I didn't want a relationship, but he was so sweet, and funny I finally gave in. We quickly became best friends and spent every minute together. Then after six months of new relationship bliss suddenly he stopped calling. Bam! heart broken. He needed "space" "its not you its me" All the usuals. I couldn't believe it had happened to me again. But I wasn't going to allow myself to go through it all again. I continued going out, having fun with my friends, and he and I continued talking on the phone. After a week or two, he showed up at my doorstep in tears, apologizing. We've been together ever since. He had his own stuff he needed to work out, and falling so fast for me was a little scary for him. He was in the airforce at the time, and 3,000 miles away from home. In that short time apart he realized he did want to be with me... and here I am today, married to my "one night stand" (lol) with a beautiful 2 year old son.

    I hope everything works out for you. I know its hard to believe, but everything does happen for a reason. Our heartaches teach us how to love truly...

    Good Luck

    Almost always online if you ever wanna chat =)
  • I know it is hard to have your heart broken, I think that everyone goes through it at some point. I thought that I had met the person for me and was going to marry him. He changed his mind and wanted something different. I was so upset. But who was there to pick me up but my good friend, who I have been happily married to for 14 years. He is my true soul mate and we have always been good friends. I was not looking for him, he just came when I needed him the most. The rest is history.

    It is hard but don't get discouraged. Your someone is out there, maybe right under your nose!

    Hope you are doing better.
  • I know it will get easier, and the same goes for you Fancy. It's not nice to hear that some of you guys have been treated badly too - this awful behaviour is not exclusively a man thing, I guess us ladies just talk about it more and it seems it's always men that are being vile.

    I know that if I could move on from what my husband did to me, then I will certainly move on after this. As we get older we become a little wiser, a little more cynical, a lot less trusting, but one thing for sure is that there WILL come a time when we will love again. And we do this knowing that we will probably get hurt and start the cycle over. I guess it's just part of life, it sucks but we have to learn to live with it. Meanwhile my intention is to look after ME, and try to have some fun along the way :)
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 10,049
    I've been very fortunate to have gotten to know Spicey(Mary) over the past couple of months and now I message Nancy often. Both of them are true good women who have been through a lot physically and surely the dont need the additional emotionally strain placed by their male relationships

    I can not speak from any actual experiences, I've been married since 1972 and was dating my wife back from 1969. But I have known and been involved in dealing with a number of breakups, divorces, cheating, you name it. Not pretty pictures.

    I don't know why, but in all but one of these situations it has been the male to do the actual deed (the text message, the phone call, the note, or just leaving the house). Now there are always two sides to every story, but there are so many patterns. I do believe to an extent that men are basically selfish and self centered. They lack a sense of compassion that comes out so clearly at times. They are also scared, scared by commitments, by doing whatever it takes to make it happen. Heck, I know, I am a man with some many of those negative qualities. I've been very fortunate to have a woman who understands that and knows how to get me to rise above those things.

    Nancy and Mary, my heart goes out to the both of you. As a parent I am totally aware of any relationship my daughter gets into and I will say that I am over cautious but without being over protective. Both Nancy and Mary know that I am just PapaRon and will give them both tons of big bear hugs.

    If there was a way to ease both of your pain, I would do it.
    Time heals a lot of wounds. And things always happen for a reason. Its so hard at times understanding what that reason may be... but someday, sometime it will become all so clear.

    And the person that you will share the rest of your life with, will walk into your life.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • You did exactly what you needed to do at the moment. Don't second guess your self. No regrets, no matter what happens or doesn't happen, okay?

    Hugs from yo Mama,

  • You are the sweetest virtual Papa any girl could possibly ask for :) :)
  • My fiance and I started as a one-night stand, also. My only other "experience" was a one-night stand that was pretty disappointing, and I wasn't expecting much out of this one either, but it's been almost 3 years now. We moved really fast at the beginning (living together after only about 7 months). Now we've been engaged for over a year and people are always asking me why we haven't gotten married yet. Neither of us sees the point, we don't want kids (ever), and we have all the bills and stuff worked out, so money isn't really an issue. And weddings are expensive. We both consider ourselves married anyway, and neither of us is religious. My problem is that I don't want a big wedding, and no matter what we do, some of our friends/family are going to be mad, so we just keep putting it off.
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