The past two days have been extreme with pain. Due to my own doing. I have the "think I can attitude and no one can tell me different". So I overdid myself. Pretended I didn't have limits. Pretended I didn't have pain. Well pain showed it's ugly self and I had to use a cane yesterday. I sat and cried. Thinking of all I want to do and can't. I became really down. My kids noticed and reacted to it. They went on their best behavior. One of my boys even learned how to run the washer. Then I remembered.... I forgot to count!
I learned in December that I have to look for the positives in life, because sometimes those postives don't just fall in my lap.
Last November our daughter was murdered by an ex-boyfriend. I crawled in a hole. I wanted to be in the hole next to her. For not only was she my daughter, but she was my best friend. December rolled around and I woke up one day. I had to crawl out of this hole. I had to for my children. I needed to be there for them. They needed me. So I started looking for the positives in life. Then it struck me, the years we had with our daughter was a blessing in itself, for some loose their children at birth. I know my pain--but can't imagine theirs. We have incredible memories and she will always be with us.
The week before Christmas I lost my job. Having always been employed, this was a new way of life for me. I now didn't have to make the decision to take time off from work for my hubby's up-coming hip operation in January. Instead I took that blessing and learned how to conserve money. I spent much more time with my kids--good quailty time. Healing time together.
Now I sit here thinking about the blessings over the past couple of days. To see nine kids taking care of things in the house. To see how my son learned to use the washer. To know I can see and hear my children. That my children can work together as a team. To see my youngest son pick a cucumber from the garden--his very first one. Only because I couldn't bend over to pick it myself. To see the excitement in his face.. To enjoy their smiles--because I wasn't "too busy" doing something.
Sometimes I have to look for those blessings. But you know what? They are always there.