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Do you ever feel like just giving up?

I am sure I am not alone, but does anyone here ever feel like the doctors are playing hot potato with you. My depression is getting so bad. I finally wrote a letter to my PM doctor as I just felt like I can never really verbalize my feelings to him about how much pain I am in and how it is affecting me. He read it and said I sounded suicidal... Quite the reaction, which I am of course not at all suicidal. I am just exhausted and frustrated.

In the last 4 months I have been from Family doctor to PM doctor who sent me to my neck surgeon who sent me to an "arm" specialist" then to my neurologist who sent me for yet another EMG then back to my Neurologist then to PM doctor who ordered CT scan and I go back to surgeon on Monday. At $50 copay a pop and no one is really doing anything to help me. I just am so discouraged that no one is helping me I just feel completely lost and alone.

How they can just let people suffer like this is beyond me. I type all day at a desk. 9.5 hours. The pain is so very bad, honestly I cannot even focus half the time. I am a single mom with three kids and I really need my job.

How do you all cope? Anything you can share would be so greatly appreciated. You all helped me through my ACDF a few years back and I just know someone here understands how I am feeling. Sometimes you just need to feel like you someone understands.

Last Scan April 2014
LUMBAR
MULTI LEVEL DEGENERATIVE DISC DISEASE
CHRONIC ENDPLATE REACTIVE MARROW CHANGES – L3/L4 & L4/L5
CENTRAL DISC PROTRUSION THAT INDENTS THE THECAL SAC PROTRUSION IS 3MM DIAMETER L2/L3
TEAR OF ANNULUS FIBERS WITH SLIGHT BULGING DISC L3/L4
FLATTENING OF THE THECAL SAC L3/L4
LIGAMENTUM FLAVUM L3/L4
FACET HYPERTROPHY L3/L4
SLIGHT BULGING DISC WITH FLATTENING OF THE THECAL SAC L4/L5
SEVERE DEGENERATIVE DISC DISEASE WITH LOSS OF DISC HEIGHT L5/S1
SLIGHT BULGING DISC L5/S1

CERVICAL
SPINAL STENOSIS
LEFT UNCOVERTEBRAL ANTROPATHY C4/C5
LEFT NEUTRAL FORAMINAL NARROWING C6/C7
FACET ANTROPATHY C6/C7
MODERATE TO SEVERE FACET ARTHROPATHY C7-T1
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Comments

  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,940
    It seems very good that you wrote to more fully explain to your pain management doctor.
    I hope you mailed it!

    It's important to include our emotional symptoms as well as our physical symptoms!

    I didn't wait for referral.
    I sought treatment with a psychiatrist for my depression and anxiety. I also did some talk therapy.
    It wasn't over night change, but I learned so much about the choices I still have and was able to change my perspective to be more positive.
    Actually, better than ever!...as by nature I was glass half empty person and worrying about worse case scenarios that mostly never occurred.

    There are specialists who treat chronic pain and depression. I found that therapist last and she was most helpful!
    She gave me much more feedback, reminders of the positives, within myself!..etc....
    I also was given paperwork, to monitor myself daily if I wanted, and the information and tools I learned I can easily call upon today.

    Less than a year with this therapist, and we agreed, I felt well enough to stop. Initially, I was suicidal.
    But now, I think about four years now, not a single flutter through my mind of hopelessness or suicidal ideations!

    Being a single mom is tough under the best of circumstances.
    It is good to have people surrounding you and able to support you, help you out at times.
    Friends, family members, church people to help, school friends, etc...

    For me, it was, and still is, difficult for me to ask for assistance. First, I had to become aware of what would even help me.
    Then to let someone know a specific "ask" and I found some friends and family happy to help, they just didn't know how.
    I hate to depend too much on anyone person, or burn them out :) , so I call upon different friends for different things.

    There may be assistance available and you could maybe get information from a social worker, maybe from your local hospital, or your area Dept. of Human Services, or such....
    Again, esp. with you being single parent.

    Seems so good you are not ignoring this part of your over all well being!

    Sue
    Spine-Health Moderator
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • for the response. I am just in a hole I think. I feel like PM doesnt listen to me. I suffer great pain, all day every day. I asked twice over the 2.5 years I have been with him (both times in tears) for something for the pain. I was actively on Pain meds when I got moved from my ortho to pain management due to the laws changing and my need to be on long term pain medication. It has been all down hill. I know I probably need Psy help, but with all the bills and all the doctors they are bouncing me off of I just cannot afford another doctor. Terrible excuse I know but I have one in college with a senior in High school, things are not easy. I try to keep working. Never miss even though some days I cannot even walk to the bathroom in the morning. I just want to know it gets better - that someday someone will help me. I have been in this situation over 12 years and I find myself very very tired and exhausted. Like I would just want to curl up on couch and not clean not cook nothing. I dont want to live like this anymore. I am scared of my appointment with the surgeon on Monday Like if he says surgery that sucks, but if he says there is nothing he can do that sucks more. Its like a loose loose situation. I appreciate you so much. I read all your comments on others posts and you just have a wonderful supportive insight. Thank you! I feel so lost...
  • Sheri76Sheri76 Michigan Posts: 506
    Before I had my lumbar fusion in March, I tried Cymbalta for part of my pain management. It didn't rid me of my pain, but how I mentally and emotionally processed the pain, made the pain more tolerable. I would have continued taking it, but my blood pressure was getting too high, which normally mine is great.

    Having had spondylolisthesis, which in a coupe years went from grade one to three, I do wonder if I would have reached a higher level of spinal instability quicker if I would have been able to continue to take something that helped me tolerate, or something else that helped mask the pain better; the less pain, the more activity on my part, until nothing helped anymore, and I caused more damage.

    I wished I could try the Cymbalta again, but I'm not willing to take the risk again.
  • I have cervical issues and just the last few weeks have had terrible headaches. I am always at work when they are at their worst. I can't continue working so I look for a place to hide or else leave and go home. I get exactly what you are saying. Family and friends say they care and listen for a while then they stop and just don't want to hear about it. I feel like fading away like a summers mist. Waiting for the break that will make it okay. It never comes.
    dmo
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 10,060
    I know that many people will not like my answer here.

    But giving up is the easy way!

    Once we have been diagnosed with a spinal problem, have one, waiting for surgery, having surgery or recovering from surgery, dealing with all of this is never easy.

    There are so many different emotions that come into play. Its easy to understand the physical pain, that is pretty black and white. But the emotional pain is of a different nature. You cant see it, but you can feel it.

    Everyone has different techniques on how to deal with all of this. There isn't one set of playbooks that can outline everything and give the total guidance.

    From a non-medical point of view and without any guidance, the results of your MRI sound more than less. I have always stated the Mild, Moderate and Severe, wording in all MRIs. Those words pretty much sums up the condition and treatment required.

    I don't know the details about the letter you wrote to your doctor, but it seems pretty abrupt to just label you as I sounded suicidal... Those are pretty powerful words.

    I can not see a doctor not trying to help a patient. When there are known documented facts, How they can just let people suffer like this is beyond me. sounds so cold. But we never know all the details behind this.

    I would say and I am confident of this, Working the number of hours you indicate every day typing at a desk is going to be a major contributor to your problems. Desk work is not really the best for any spinal patient. I have written about this time and time again. In many respects, working at a desk all day can be harder on your spine than having a tough physical job. Being a single mom even puts more of a strain on you.

    If you are not comfortable with your doctor, I would look to find another. But always be prepared that they may come back with the same findings and comments as your present doctor. Hopefully not, finding a doctor that is compassionate is so very important. Doctors have earned their degrees, they have established themselves in the medical field, but one attribute that always needs to be added, is their compassion for their patient.
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • William GarzaWilliam Garza TexasPosts: 2,614
    edited 11/28/2015 - 1:43 PM
    Pain is inevitable
    Suffering is optional.

    We are going to be in pain
    We
    Will..have pain.

    But to suffer
    Tnat is where the key to the hidden door is no?

    That door we all search for that may lead to a better state of existence...co-existence with ourselves, the pain and life.

    What is making you suffer?

    The pain?
    The thought of pain?
    Or the fear of pain...

    The pain is,obvious..your job is killing you.
    Long tearfilled semesters at a computor

    Tooth breaking agony at the lava between the shoulders..between my ears every morning as i had to face what was the inevitable..

    Job, sitting before a screen and having to fight for my true conciousness while the body is wanting to shut down.
    Home, to multiple pills, tears and,sadness at the fight with no end, no relief and no way to,win.

    Each and every one,has a polar moment of inertia, or lack of
    When decision must come..
    So you put it off
    Each wave bigger than the last.

    You still wont give up
    Wont give in

    And its killing you.

    There..may lie your suffering?
    It is not the pain
    Is it the giving up?
    Giving in that bothers you?

    If so, you have been above and beyond the call
    And I and so many others appreciate and applaude you.
    Warrior that you are, you dont know when
    To,say when
    Or how.

    Dont give up
    Dont give in

    You are your own best advocate for the care you deserve.

    Pills wont take the pain away
    To think so is a course deviation
    They are a tool..no more, no less

    Pills wont take the suffering away
    They will help give you the tools to Fight
    Along with the inner tools you already have inside.

    Choose to live
    If in pain..so be,it
    But to decide to cease to suffer is brave too

    Be Blessed
    William
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod
    erator

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • Dealing with all you are is hard, you have those precious little ones to take care of and that is a lot for a Mom to handle.
    I feel the pain and frustration in your words and you got great advice here and I hope it gives you some thoughts and ideas on
    what direction you can go.
    Don't give up like they said find another doctor if at all possible and ask others you know of programs available out there to help you.
    It is hard not to get down in the dumps I fight it day and night but each day I read more for ideas on how to help myself. I have too
    been the hot potato and know exactly how you feel with frustration and anger. I have finally got my GP to refer me to a Hospital pain
    clinic when I was at the point of bagging it. You have to keep fighting and depression can really drag you down is there anyway you
    can see someone to help you cause you maybe can find someone who is trained in dealing with pain.
    I have found others on here just a great support when I am at my worst so hopefully you let us know how you are and find the help you
    need.
    Take care
    Sherri
  • MetalneckMetalneck The Island of Misfit toysPosts: 1,615
    Only most everyday -
    when I wake up.

    Seriously ..... I've been in more counseling sessions - with more different kinds of therapist(s) than Sybil!!
    I've been on more anti-depressants - SSRI's - anti - anxieties and a couple pain/depression/med effects suicide watches and ER visits.
    Never had any of these type problems before my neck and lumbar started to fail over 10 years ago.
    In fact both of my parents had PHD,s in psych and I used to provide stress management and bio-feedback training back in my clinical provider days - many many MANY decades ago now (in the early 1980's) (Thermal - GSR - EMG) so I knew a bit about the issues before they laid siege on me.
    I know how you feel - I have felt that way to - and I have found that much like opiate pain meds block pain signals - anti depression meds not only block the lows of depression - with me at least they tended to block my emotions of joy and pleasure also. Today I tend to try to live life on life's terms - not mine. As Ron said giving up is easy - But the true measure of a man or woman is how they choose to deal - when faced with adversity.
    If I had not had the experience of a lot of a lot of counseling (and medication(s) ..... I have no doubt I would not be here today - And a special thank you to Ron and all the Mods and the owners of this site - for providing me another "Forum" of therapy over the past 8 years!!

    Best Regards Recovery and Results to all,

    Dave
    Spine-Health Moderator
    Welcome to Spine-Health  Please read the linked guidelines!!  (Click on Welcome to Spine-Health)
    My Story  - Click below
    http://www.spine-health.com/forum/discussion/44804/pain/neck-pain-cervical/long-and-winding-road
    I am not a doctor nor have I ever played one on TV.  Therefore any comments made are based on my experience.
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