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What can I do?

AllNewToMeAAllNewToMe Posts: 2
edited 11/27/2015 - 6:29 PM in Matters of the Heart
Hi. Thank you in advance for any advice.
I recently began seeing someone with Spinal Stenosis. The exact details of his injuries I dont fully understand. We are both in the 35-45 range. He has been dealing with his injuries and its side affects for years. The side affects include bowel issues. Ive finally convinced him I'm unlikely to be "grossed out" by the issues. I feel this was a major victory.
I know that as I don't suffer from the ailments I will need to plan and make adjustments to "normal" activities. I am probably more okay with this than he is. But I like him and think getting to know him better is worth it. I applaud his independence and appreciate the strength in that...However as forthright with each other as we try to be, he won't ask or tell me what could help.

So maybe you can give suggestions to make things easier without going to far.
Here is what I know....
Lower Spinal Injury
Numbness and Tingle Fires in Feet
Bladder/bowel issues
Physically as fit as possible.....works out and walks
On a Pain Management Regimen ( altered w/in our time of knowing)
Difficulty sleeping
Can drive but ........ distance vs pain

I live 2.5 hours away from him. When he comes to see me i know to plan some (fetal position) decompression time. I use this as catch up time. But, is there anything i can unobtrusively do to help him? I don't want to treat him as a "patient". If that makes any sense.
Any other advice (i.e furniture placement, items to have on hand) or signs to look for when hes hiding pain, etc.

Hopefully this makes sense.... Thanks for any advice.

Welcome to Spine-Health

One of the most important things that members can do is to provide the rest of the community with as much information about themselves as possible. It is so very difficult for anyone to respond when we do not have enough information to go on. This is not meant to indicate that you are doing anything wrong or violated any rule, we are just trying to be pro-active and get the information upfront so that people can start responding and your thread is more effective.

So many times we read about members who have different tests and they all come back negative. The more clues and information you provide, the better chances in finding out what is wrong, The fact that your test results are negative does not mean that you are fine and without any concerns. Many times it takes several diagnostic tests and procedures to isolate a specific condition.

Here are some questions that you should answer:

  • - When did this first start?

    . Year, Your age, etc
- Was it the result of an accident or trauma?
- Are there others in your family with similar medication conditions?
- What doctors have you seen? (Orthopedic, Neurosurgeon, Spine Specialist, etc)

  • . Which doctor did you start with? Ie Primary Care Physician
    . Who are you currently seeing?
- What Conservative treatments have you had? Which ones?

  • . Physical Therapy
    . Ultrasound / Tens unit
    . Spinal Injections
    . Acupuncture
    . Massage Therapy
- What diagnostic tests have you had? And their results (MRI, CTScan, XRay, EMG, etc)

  • . Summarize the results, please do not post all details, we cannot analyze them
    . How many different tests have you had over the years? Similar results?
- What medications are you currently using? (details, dosage, frequency, etc)

  • . Name of Medication
    . How long have you been using this?
    . Results
- Has surgery been discussed as an option? (If so, what kind)
- Is there any nerve pain/damage associated?
- What is your doctor’s action plan for treating you?

Providing answers to questions like this will give the member community here a better understanding
of your situation and make it easier to respond.

Please take a look at our forum rules: Forum Rules

I also strongly suggest that you take a look at our FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) which can be found at the top of the forum menu tab or by going to FAQ There you will find much information that will

  • - Help you better utilize the Spine-Health system
    - Provide pointers on how to make your threads / posts
    - Tips on how to create your avatar (your picture), posting images, etc
    - General pieces of valuable information

Please remember that no one at Spine-Health is a formally trained medical professional.
Everything that is posted here is based on personal experiences and perhaps additional research.
As such, no member is permitted to provide

  • - Analysis or interpretation of any diagnostic test (ie MRI, CTscan, Xray, etc)
    - Medical advice of any kind
    - Recommendations in terms of Medications, Treatments, Exercises, etc

What could be good for someone could spell disaster for another.
You should also consult your doctor to better understand your condition and the do’s and don’t’s.

It is very important that new members (or even seasoned members) provide others with details about their condition(s). It is virtually impossible to help another member when all the details we have are

I’ve had this for years, it hurts, I cant move my shoulder – what could this be, what treatment should I get?

Diagnosing spinal problems can be very difficult. In many ways it’s like a game of clue. Especially, when the diagnostic tests come back negative – no trouble found! Then it’s up to the patient and the doctor to start digging deeper. The doctor is like a detective. They need clues to help them move along. So, you as the patient need to provide the doctor with all sorts of clues. That is like it is here. Without having information about a condition, its impossible for anyone here to try to help.

Specific comments :

Personal Opinion, not medical advice :

--- Ron DiLauro, Spine-Health System Moderator : 11/28/15 00:29 est

Thank You


  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,427
    Any healthy adult relationship depends on good communication.
    I would not want someone anticipating their idea of my perceived needs.

    I would not want someone to prepare my "fetal position" time.
    Just understanding when I bow out of any activity for any amount of time.
    Unless, you are saying he already notified you of needing this down time.

    One diagnosis is not same symptoms for all people.
    He needs to speak for himself.

    He already shared bowel issues with you. And I agree that must have been huge step in your relationship.
    Let other information come from the man himself, who happens to have spinal issues.

    In my humble opinion.

    Spine-Health Moderator
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • I agree communication is the key to everything. And we are very blunt and matter of fact with each other. Its great.
    The "fp" time is something he has stated he needs. I understand each person is different and needs are different. But this is something he has dealt with alone for years. At this point we are both learning. He what having someone willing to help/be there can do. Me what if anything I can do.
    Telling me not to try and anticipate needs is unrealistic. I am just the type of person who does. I never want to make a big production of anything. I just want to give him ways to be comfortable in my space. I have researched as much as possible the treatments hes told me hes been on, future surgery options, etc. Research is great for clinical what to expect information. Its the other stuff... the placing a chair near the bed so he has something to grab after that first step or two in the morning. The day to day others have tried and learned that I would like to know. He knows I do research and am willing to ask others for help. So this isn't about (spinal proofing) our relationship. Its about trial and error. For me its about what do you do for your significant other or what do they do for you. What have you learned together that has helped?
    Thank You
  • William GarzaWilliam Garza TexasPosts: 2,358
    edited 11/28/2015 - 3:34 PM
    You hit it on the head
    He,will come,round,as he is rready and,sees fit to trust you.
    Huge steps are behind you!
    He is learning to trust, as is normal..but his trust is also going to be dependent on his perception of himself.
    Doubt. Will creep in..its inevitable
    What may seem,as,rejection..may be,his own being projected.
    Be patient, be kind witn yourself,as,well..dont feel as if you have failed in something..this feedback loop will manifest and grow quickly.

    Any relationship with a foundation of trust
    Of being unafraid to voice your fears..for fear,of rejection
    Of with holding the sharp word to keep the,peace..and the sheepish recognition..not keeping score..ectc

    Be open
    Be willing
    Bw Blessed!
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

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