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just need a shoulder to cry on

My story is long but I will shorten it up a bit. I hurt my back at work (I have a very physically demanding job that I miss) and yesterday was my one year "anniversary" of my injury.. Part of my story is that with my back injury I did have an annular tear that they expected was leaking. Did the epidurals and still had horrible sciatic pain that no one could figure out why it was so bad. Mylogram, no root sleeve cut off, EMG did show acute issue but mild. Still debilitating pain. Now I know I'm only a year into this but truthfully you come to a point that you will sell your soul to the devil to get better. I was just so desperate. I did one of those prepay chiropractic service things because they said i would get 50 percent better if I signed on dotted line....and I did. So as luck would have it, I did not get better, I am actually worse now. Then I come to find out, I actually have piriformis syndrome which is why I just had debilitating sciatic pain. My marriage, love life could be written on a post it, my husband has to pick up extra hours since I'm off. As if this isn't enough, my father somehow got an infection in his spine. Last trip to ER, they rescanned his back and found infection spread. He had emergency surgery but they only removed half the infection because if they removed it all, they would of had to do a fusion. They are hoping antibiotics will remove rest. So here I lay because I can't sit just felling depressed( no I'm not suicidal). I'm in debilitating pain, my dad who is my rock is worse off than me and also in debilitating pain. Truthfully, how do you get out of the depression cycle? I have to be strong for my dad, which I am, but it is just so hard, physically. Mentally I am all in. Why is it so hard to feel sorry for yourself?


  • Sheri76Sheri76 Michigan Posts: 497
    Grieving the loss of something we once had, like a life without pain, is something we should allow ourselves to go through....and I mean through, we can't stay there forever, or our grieving will open up our hearts to destructive behavior, possibly turning our hearts bitter, hardening it such a way we become blind to things we still have to be thankful for.

    I would talk with your Dr about your feelings of depression, you may get some insight or further help there. Probably people are tired of me saying this, but your Dr may want to do a blood work up for you, for low vitamin levels, or something else. I had that after my fusion (high blood calcium level), and that was the worst depression I've ever experienced.

    Sorry to hear about your father, I pray he recovers soon. My mom helped me after my fusion, but she had a knee replacement soon after....it was already scheduled.

    I'm hoping you find relief soon....
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