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Well............if things couldn't get any worse

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,671
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:19 AM in Depression and Coping


  • Geesh what ever happened to for better or worse, in sickness & in health to love honer & cheerish?

    Just seems to me anymore that there is less & less stick toitiveness (is that a word?). It's just easier to throw in the towel & call it quits when things aren't going acording to planned.

    I'm sorry for what your going thru Cherry. Keep your head up girl. Things have a way of working out & sometimes for the better. My wife always says when things are going wrong that "this to shall pass".

    Good luck & we will say a little prayer for you & your kids.

  • I am sorry for what you are going through,maybe time will heal the breach?
    luck to ya
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • So sorry to hear it. I *do* think things happen for a reason, I don't believe in coincidence. Who knows, perhaps there is something better waiting for you around the corner (?) In the meantime, stay strong and take care of yourself.
  • So very sorry to hear, I hope your alright and have friends around to talk with.I will have you in my prayers.
  • I appreciate the nice words, and your right tankeryanker these days marriage seems to be taken so lightly these days, the sh*tty thing is 10 years ago when he had a life threatening accident and it took years upon years to get better I was by his side every d*mn minute supporting him! I just don't get it! :sick:
  • I don't have words soothing enough for you. I have a skewed view on men these days and don't think that most of them have the level of sympathy or grit to deal with problems like ours long term.

    From reading your posts on here I know that you're a survivor. I know that you will find a way to make it through this. We're all here for you, good times and bad, you know that.

    I'm here to listen whenever you need it. Hang in there lady.

  • I am so sorry to hear of this...if there is anything that I can do at all then please PM me. Please keep us posted as to how you and the kids are doing....take care sweetie....Miki
  • I'm so sorry that you are going through this. My husband just decided our marriage was over as well. I don't know how long you were married, or how old your children are but dealing with this is difficult no matter what your circumstances are.

    I don't understand the attitude some people have toward marriage. Did they miss the "for better or worse" part or maybe they just weren't paying attention?

    I wish I could be of more tangible help, but if you want to vent, just PM me. I'm here anytime.

    My thoughts are with you.
  • I am so sorry to hear this. Use that serenity prayer whenever you need to. I do love that prayer.I too hope you have a lot of family and friends around you at this time. Also remember who knows what will happen, nothing today will change, except in your shock everything has changed. So stay close and know that besides friends we are here. Please keep us posted.

    Take care of yourself and your kids,love one another.
  • Any hints you can give me on how you made it thru this please send em' my way, were you working at the time? I'm notand haven't in 4 years and still can't so this whole thing just blows me away, I feel like a kat kicked to the curb! :O
  • Thanx for helping me just knowing someone is listening to me is helpful at this point!
  • While I don't know you, I do know that you are always upbeat and cheerful for everyone. I wanted to lend my support. None of us knows what our future holds; our lives can change so quickly! I am sorry you are going thru this. You have lotsa friends and moral support here.---Mazy
  • I'm not working and haven't been able to work in a year now. I don't know when or if I'll be able to go back to work so I understand the financial worries, especially when your spouse and sole support decides to leave. It's scary.

    I wish I could give you my hard earned wisdom but I'm still in the middle of this too. My husband dropped the bomb on me 3 weeks ago. So, I'm still working on it. One thing I'm trying to keep in mind is that although my disability may be a little more evident, he's disabled too. If we had to wear signs around our necks to let others know what our disabilities were (all of us) mine would say spine problems but his would say "insensitive to others", or maybe "exclusively self-centered". When I look at it that way, I think I prefer my disability, thank you very much. :)

    So, keep your chin up and hang in there. I'm here for you anytime.

  • Cherry,

    I'm so sorry you are going though this. Keep posting and know that you always have a shoulder here.

  • I believe that with our inner strength and the support form those around us we can all get through anything. We support each other and gain strength from the network of our friends.

    I always thought that sort of statement sounded so crass and hollow until I was in a dire situation.

    First hubby started knocking me around but when he held a knife to our sons throat a little switch went off inside of me and I KNEW I could stand up to him. I felt like superwoman the day I went to court and got an injunction to get him out of the house and to stop hitting me. It wasnt smooth sailing but within 18 months we were divorced and I was settled into a new life with my son.

    I then met another guy and we married a year after having number 2 son. I had 3 miscarrages within 18 months and my head was very screwed up. His answer was to walk out which he did 3 times in all till i made sure he wouldnt come back.
    He is a postman at the local sorting office and texts me with details of what letters i have been sent just to show he has power over me. As this is only very illegal he has been warned that if this continues he will be out of a job. He forgot i work with his bosses wife!!

    Since then i have met the most wonderful man who has shown me nothing but respect and love since we have been together (2 yrs). His family are some of the nicest people i have ever met. Without them, and my boys i would never be able to get through the upcomming custody battle as well as the back surgery complications I am dealing with now. (and he got made redundant last week)

    I suppose what I am trying to say is dont give up. Vent when you need to. Dont be afaid to ask for help when you need it or too proud to accept what is given from the heart.


  • I'm so sorry.
    I can only imagine what you are going through right now. It is a fear of mine that my husband will get tired of me and all my medical problems and up and leave me too.
    "For better and for worse" surely don't have the same meaning as they did when our parents took their vows.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you.
  • I hate to say it's funny! but the way you describe it is funny! and that is how my hubby is, he was disabled too years back a life threatening accident almost took his life, he was told he'd never walk again...........but I was there for him every minute never once thinking he was a burden........but with therapy and quite a few operations he healed but obviously his mental state did not because he is very insensitive and almost callous to my issues! what are you doing for money? will you have to move?
  • Would you PM me please hun I'd really like to chat with you!
  • I dont understand how people can just up and walk out and turn their backs on years and years of marriage. I am only 38, but i have been married for almost 11 years now; and we have been through our share of b.s and not once did my wife turn and walk;thought she had many times to be able to.. i am so sorry CHERRY and if there is anything that i can do to make ya feel just a little better; keep your head up, lean on family, and have faith in God, and you will make it through this.. I feel for you so much; it just makes me so sad to hear that people are like this; Cherry, you have been through so much physically. and now your mental load is being worked on.. i will pray for you and i hope that all will work out for you.. you may add me as a "buddy" if ya want and we can PM if that will make you feel better... take care
  • I am going to be able to get disability - I had long term disability insurance that I bought through my employer and they just approved my claim 2 days before my husband dropped the bomb! Looking back now, I wonder if he wasn't waiting to find out if I was going to be approved before he made his move. I am still going to have to move though, because my disability will only be 60% of a full time paycheck. And that won't cover rent, living expenses and medical expenses! So, I am fortunate enough to have a daughter who is 100% supportive and wants me to come and live with her. It means quite a move, but my husband is so ready to get this over with that he is willing to pay the traveling expenses. I'll be moving to Hawaii on August 26 - me and my little dog. I have a lot to get done between now and then but I am trying to keep my focus on the positive and not dwell on everything else.

    I don't know where you live but many states will set spousal support in addition to child support and often you don't have to wait until the divorce is final to get it set up. Usually they look at the abilities of both parties to earn an income and the impact the separation is going to have on the quality of living for the other spouse. It isn't usually indefinite support, but since you can't work and you have children to support and this will definitely impact the quality of life for you and your children it is worth looking into. Additionally, at least until your divorce is final, your husband cannot cancel your insurance coverage - legally those changes can only be made with a change in family status and the insurance company will require proof before cancelling your coverage. Also, the insurance company will be required to offer you COBRA coverage, which is usually good for an additional 18 months. Now, here is an interesting tidbit for you. Your husband will probably not be able to keep you on his regular (employer provided) insurance once you are divorced, but given your circumstances, he can be required as part of your divorce to pay your COBRA insurance payments. Just have the court order that and explain that you can't afford the payments on your own (they can be quite expensive) but that your health conditions require that you have insurance coverage. Also, the court will usually require that he continue to cover your children on his insurance. I can't imagine that you would not be able to get those things for yourself.

    Additionally, if he is the one that wants out, you may be able to stay in your home (at his expense) at least until the divorce is final and possibly for a set amount of time after the divorce, at the very least. Just because he wants out does not mean that his responsibilities to you or your children end on the day he decided he was done. You don't deserve this and you need to take every step to protect yourself and your children.

    I hope this is TMI, but I am learning these things as I go along and want to share the wisdom. :)

    I hope you are doing well. Take care of yourself.
  • I love my husband so much. He is such a wonderful strong person, and everyday I fear he's going to give up on me. I hate the days when he comes home from work, and all I've been able to manage around the house is dinner. The laundry is backing up again. Thats my biggest fear, one day he's just going to give up.

    I can't even begin to imagine what you all are going through, and to add this on top of your physical pain. I wish I had the cure-all answer, to help each and every one of you.

    Until the day I find it for you, I am always here to listen.

    Keep your head up ladies!
  • I'm so sorry that you're going thru such a hard time right now.I do hope that things get better for you very soon...
    Keep your head up girl!!
  • I am with what so many others have already said, just really sorry to hear everything you are going through. I certainly agree with them that you are always so cheerful, and one of the first to welcome new members to the Board, always here when someone is hurting or down and here when a member needs to talk to someone.

    I know you've been going thru some bad times too, now this, and yet you were still here for others, so, honey, we are here for you now. Of course, none of us know all the circumstances, but we can sure listen and give you any advice we think you need. He just may need to get away and think, who knows? This does happens ..... many times us gals and even guys have spouses who have been ill and this very thing happens, so you will get thru this.

    I know you are worried about so many things right now, I can just hear it in your words . . .what are you going to do? Well, right now, he will be taking care of you, financially, he has to, he walked out on you, so I know it's easy for others to say, but try to take one day day at a time, one step at a time. I don't know how many children you have, their ages, all that will be taken into account.

    Tony, your words just flowed, such a nice post, and I know meant so very much to Cherry, she is such a sweetheart to everyone here, so Cherry, please remember, stress causes more PAIN, so come here and vent, we are here for you.

    Everything works out, and usually for the best. Hang in there!!

  • :( But it's tears of thankfulness for all the sweet words from everyone!!! On most boards ppl. don't take the time to even notice who welcomes ppl. and is cheery and happy but you all must really take the time to read my posts and notice which means so much to me right now!!!!!! Big smooches :)
  • I just sent you a PM -- stay strong and know that you are not alone.

  • Well he came by the house today while I was at my NS appt. and left $200 and that is suppose to cover rent due in 2 weeks and phone, cable and gas! ROTFLMAO and then left a bag for my daughter it was a cute wallet and some perfume she likes but she wanted nothing to do with what was in the bag! But on an up point my "WONDERFUL" parents took us grocery shopping, bought me 2 new scripts and took me to sign up for SSI and SSD and out for a nice lunch!
    At my 3 month visit they took 4 X-rays the usual and then 1 bending forward and 1 bending back (wow did that feel weird) she said it looks good however............i am still on strict restrictions, I can go "BRACELESS" yippppeeee but she told me to ween if it feels sore and it sure does! She gave me a signed letter saying no PT for 2-3 more months, and no work for up to a year!!!!!!!!
  • I'm so sorry to hear about your uncaring husband. Mabe he should pull his head out of his a** and think about someone other than himself.
    I'm glad your family is there to help you out. I feel so bad for you.
    I know its hard but try not to let everything pile up on you and drag you down into a depression. You'll get through this, youre a tough lady. Look at everything you've gone through so far. You can do it.

    Christina :)
  • Cherry,

    It totally stinks that your husband decided to leave, but my hope is that there's a silver lining in that big old black cloud and you just haven't discovered it yet. Give yourself some time and get yourself a lawyer to make sure you are getting financial help (if your husband has the means to help) for yourself and the kids as soon as possible.

    Our daughter's 14 year marriage ended last year and it has been very hard for her, their 6 year old child, and for the whole family. She and her husband were never a good match because they were completely different in so many ways and when their child came along, it got even worse. She put so much effort into the marriage, but he wanted everything to be "his" way and she finally got sick of it. Anyway, her dad and I have helped with her struggles since the divorce and I hope you have friends and family who can help and support you in this time that you need them so much.

    Take care and send me a pm if you ever want to talk.
  • He sure does need to pul his head out of his a**, it would be different if he told me he didn't love me anymore, or cheated on me or we didn't get along~ but NO none of those were the excuse, he just can't handle taking care of me, and wants to be free to come and go as he pleases! So pathetic!!!!!! :jawdrop:
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