Today I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Today my body experienced the most pain that I could feel without audibly crying out and begging for the pain to stop. I truly do not know how I got through today. I know that I am NOT supposed to mix alcohol with my medications, however, when I do it helps to put the pain on a level thats about three feet away from me physically. I still have the pain but its far enough away that I can almost distract myself enough to not care that it is there. And with that, I have to figure out a way to send that information to my doctor to let him know that my daily quality of life is pure garbage. Because I never know when I'm going to hurt so bad that my arms shake, my body trembles, I sweat and I moan in my deepest levels. I have no idea how I am supposed to carry on with my life knowing that this will only get worse. And to make things even better, I am starting to notice fatigue in my legs after walking short distances. Everything feels like I am walking uphill in a high altitude environment. My hips strain I am out of breath my body gets stiff and I feel as though if I don't stop my legs my hips and my pelvis will fail me. I am so lost I have no idea what I am supposed to do. My doctor has told me that exercising could help but it could also cause more complications. I have tried doing more only to cause me more pain. So today I am here fatter than I have ever been, in a worse state than I've ever been in my entire life. And the only thing my doctors can tell me is " i am sorry". I have had every procedure that could eliminate my pain. However, each one has failed me. With this information and the MRI scans, my doctor says it will only get worse. I have one last treatment to look forward to, however it won't be given until I start losing range of motion or lose my ability to move. My thoughts on this are that when I am in a wheelchair, that's when I will be able to be helped next.
So far, that is what I have to look forward to. It's so unfair to me and so unfair to my wife and daughter. I don't believe I did anything to deserve this. But nothing in my life was over easy so why should things get any easier?
Here is all procedures I have had that are shown one paper: L4-5-S1, LUMBAR LAMINECTOMY, DISECTOMY, CAGES, BONE GROWTH STIMULATOR, RF nerve ABLATION, CORTIZONE SHOTS, ALL HARDWARE REMOVED, MORE INJECTIONS TO CUT OUT THE PAIN.