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Feeling hopeless for any relief.

Tonyb1010TTonyb1010 Posts: 2
edited 01/16/2016 - 9:17 PM in Lower Back Pain
I'm new to this but as I have gone through so much with my back issues I have found myself getting closer and closer to that dreaded point where the pain and stress and utter exhaustion physically and mentally have me thinking that I'm just a burden and drain to everyone I love.

I had a spinal fusion in 2010 and was in pain management for almost 2 years and then this pain medicine epidemic came about and I opted to try to go without it and within a year found I just couldn't do it without help. I did however try all other firms of relief albeit herbal supplements and obviously the tons of prescription medicines but have had no relieve come from it.

I don't know exactly what I expect from this but I know that even though my support system is great they just don't understand the pain and depression and the feelings that come with the very real chance that I will never get to be a normal, out at least normal for people like us, and I just feel myself slipping into that dark place.

I was such a intelligent person, so sharp, witty, happy, optimistic and loving. Now I'm just a lump on the bed even writing this is a task and I was a writer prior to this. My mental and physical condition are deteriorating so fast now and I just don't want to exist, at least not like this anymore. Not that I'm going to hurt myself, id never do that but I feel like if I had a massive heart attack from the strain this has put on me, it wouldn't be the wurst thing that could happen.

At any rate I just needed to vent I suppose, I don't want to scare my family with these thoughts but I needed to get them out. Thanks for listening and I wish the very best to all in here. I've read some stores on here and I feel your pain and truly hope that all of us one day don't need to use a place like this and can be one of the people out there that can just have a day, even just one that we don't have to feel all these feelings on top of the pain.

Thanks for listening
Tony b


  • LizLiz Posts: 7,832
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    Liz, Spine-health Moderator

    Liz, Spine-health Moderator

    Spinal stenosis since 1995
    Lumber decompression surgery S1 L5-L3[1996]
    Cervical stenosis, so far avoided surgery
  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,476
    I may have missed it, but im not sure why you do not want to take medication for your pain?

    Also, have you spoken to your doctors about your feelings?
    I've heard of some meds that may helpful with depression and pain.
    Or seeing therapist for support as transition and living with pain is not easy. It doesn't need to be a forever thing.

    I took myself to psychiatrist, as initially the chronic pain lifestyle was like a shock to my entire system.
    ...something of another world.
    I still benefit from my time in therapy and myself, I take antidepressants and anti anxiety meds still.

    Although my feelings and thinking SO improved, I choose antidepressants and anti anxiety meds to help keep me as is.

    I also had severe sleeplessness....days without sleep.
    That also messed with my thinking and I was so irritable, to say the least.
    My sleep is not normal by most peoples' standards, but huge relief and good for me.

    So now with my pain management Doctor keeping the edge off my pain, helping manage my sleep and continues to address my symptoms regularly, I feel so much better and able to cope!
    And with my psychiatrist continuing monitoring my thinking and emotions, my days, my life are filled with hope!

    I also read the post here on this site called...The Blend. It's more of a concept and helped me realize I'm more than my pain, and also helped me with learning healthy distractions from my pain.

    Spine-Health Moderator
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • I'm not against pain medication at all, I don't want to be on a high dosage of anything as I don't want to be a zombie but I live in an area where doctors, even pain management doctors will tell you before your even seen that they do not prescribe narcotic pain medicines and as I said I have tried all other forms of medicines with no results. I have just recently started going to a psychiatrist for the sleeplessness and depression/anxiety but I feel like it's like taking your TV to the car repair man. All those issues stem from the pain and I explained to my therapist, when they offered medicine to help me sleep, I don't want to be put to sleep I just want the pain to be eased enough that I can go to sleep naturally.

    I have done extensive research on home remedies and so on but given my situation even the doctors have all said that this surgery was not to help with the pain so much as to structurally protect my back and with pain management being such an issue these days it's just left me with no options.

    I hope this better explains the situation and thank you for your feedback I welcome any suggestions.
    Tony b
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