I'm new to this but as I have gone through so much with my back issues I have found myself getting closer and closer to that dreaded point where the pain and stress and utter exhaustion physically and mentally have me thinking that I'm just a burden and drain to everyone I love.
I had a spinal fusion in 2010 and was in pain management for almost 2 years and then this pain medicine epidemic came about and I opted to try to go without it and within a year found I just couldn't do it without help. I did however try all other firms of relief albeit herbal supplements and obviously the tons of prescription medicines but have had no relieve come from it.
I don't know exactly what I expect from this but I know that even though my support system is great they just don't understand the pain and depression and the feelings that come with the very real chance that I will never get to be a normal, out at least normal for people like us, and I just feel myself slipping into that dark place.
I was such a intelligent person, so sharp, witty, happy, optimistic and loving. Now I'm just a lump on the bed even writing this is a task and I was a writer prior to this. My mental and physical condition are deteriorating so fast now and I just don't want to exist, at least not like this anymore. Not that I'm going to hurt myself, id never do that but I feel like if I had a massive heart attack from the strain this has put on me, it wouldn't be the wurst thing that could happen.
At any rate I just needed to vent I suppose, I don't want to scare my family with these thoughts but I needed to get them out. Thanks for listening and I wish the very best to all in here. I've read some stores on here and I feel your pain and truly hope that all of us one day don't need to use a place like this and can be one of the people out there that can just have a day, even just one that we don't have to feel all these feelings on top of the pain.
Thanks for listening