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No one else understands what I'm going through

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,671
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:21 AM in Neck Pain: Cervical
I had a cervical fusion 6/07 and in February 08 found that the screws came out and migrated, caused infection and have had to have three surgeries. It's a really long and dreadful story. Two surgeries to remove the hardware and one to re-fuse at c 5-6 and c 6-7. I'm staying with relatives as I've been out of work for more than a year. My last surgery was 6/27 and I'm definitely doing better. This has been horrible and I think I'm going crazy. My family is losing patience with me, I'm divorced so I don't have a spouse to lean on right now and have been splitting my time between my brother and my sisters home. My life is sitting in a storage unit and I feel completely homeless and totally alone right now. The battle with insurance and lawyers is draining and only makes me angry but I obscess over it. I want justice and I really just want my life back. Does anyone understand? anyone going through similar?


  • Hi Jan
    Welcome to spine-health. There are many on these boards with multiple surgeries myself included. Your right that it is hard for others to understand. It is not like a broken bone or something they can see physically so it is hard for them to understand. Possibly you could get your family to read some on these boards and they may get a better understanding of what your going through. You need to put your energies into getting better and if you have hired a attorney let them take care of the legal aspects as this point and time. Until you feel better that part of your life isn't going anywhere anyway. Concentrate on getting yourself better and the things you can control and that contribute to yourself on the road to recovery. There are many on these boards with tons of knowledge and any time you need to vent or feel frustrated or just want a good laugh we are here for you. Take care and welcome to spine health and look forward to reading more of your post.
  • It is very hard and very trying. I currently am stressing about the reallity that my career is over at 40 and it is time to start over professioanlly again in a new field.

    Attornies and insurance are the life suckers at these times... please talk to your doc about an anti depression / anxiety med like lexapro -- it will take some adge off without affecting your mental and memory capabilities. It has helped me dramatically.

    I offer you b est wishes and much strength. Keep talking to us, we are here to help and relate
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,833

    For a Spine-Health Site introduction, Click on :

    Welcome To Spine-Health

    If you have any questions, feel free to contact (PM) any one of the Moderators here Priestess , Bruce , Paulgla, DiLauro

    The Spine-Health Web site offers so much more than these Member Forums.
    Check the various tabs at the top of the Spine-Health page and you will find so much that is offered here.

    Please feel free to contact me at rdilauro@gmail.com or send me a message
    As Tamtam said, there are many members on this site that hve been through multiple surgeries and I know from talking with other members there are those that have limited support systems for whatever reasons.
    It is not easy to have to deal with spinal problems and doing it alone just makes it that much harder. Here at Spine-Health there are so many members that can reach out and talk(posts)to you and offer their level of support. We have a very caring group here and they Do understand where you are at , what you are going through. We cant fix whats going on in your life right now, but we can sure try to be there as a support system.

    Take care
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • i'm sorry for everyone who is suffering. i haven't had the surgery yet but plan it as i am slowly losing feeling in my legs. my bones hurt everywhere and i don't feel like having sex with my husband. he's getting frustrated and i feel guilty but don't need this pressure either. i can't barely hug him cause my bones hurt and i just cry and that thought. i'm only 45 years old and feel 100.

    it's hard not having support. it doesn't help the healing process. he tries to understand but just can't possible unless he feels the pain.

    i also have vitamin d deficiency, and hope i don't have crickets and that the doctors say it's safe to have the surgery at this time.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,833
    There are many people in your same situation. When you are dealing with chronic pain, have intimate relations is not on your priority list. It may be at the bottom of any list!
    That alone can generate a lot of quilt feelings, as though you are depriving your loved one. I cant say what should or what shouldnt be done, but do not do anything that is going to cause you additional pain. There are so many ways in which couples can express their love for one another without having sex. I know that while I as at my worst, with all the medications, sex was the last thing I could think of. But that never stopped us from cuddling on the couch, and just being close to each other whenever we could.
    Spouses of folks with chronic pain sometimes do not understand what is going on. There is degrees of Fear, Anger and Help Less Feelings! All very natural.
    Communications is about the only way I know to try to overcome any of those emotions.
    Good luck and take care
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • ron,
    thanks for the support. my husband is 10 years younger than me, so every time we cuddle, he gets a boner...and wants more. i can't do the oral sex cause of my neck and pain in my arm. but i'm working on finding ways. the guilt is killing me and i worry he'll lose his patience.
    sorry if i'm too forward.

    does anyone suffer from weak legs? it's scaring me half to death. the doc seems confident that it's cause my condition is getting worse. that's one of the signs i think.
  • I had problems with my left leg..from knee to ankle. It has gotten much better since surgery. There are stil. some issues...burning/poking pains that come and go, but nothing serious enough to warrant pain meds. If you have cord compression, then it is likely this is the cause of your leg symptoms. As long as there is no permanent nerve damage, you should get better after surgery. Hopefully your surgery isn't too far away.

    Take care,
  • Hi Jan,
    Your story sounds somewhat like mine. For the past two years I have bounced around from friends to family due to surgeries and insurance issues. My wife took off two days after my first surgery two years ago and took all my stuff with her, along with my bank accounts. Lots of fun! But here I am two years down the road and I have an apartment, a job I like and I am slowly starting to pay back some bills. My pain issues have been decreased by about 40% after this last surgery four weeks ago and life does seem to be getting better. For me I look for the simple things. When I couldn't walk I enjoyed reading, when I couldn't think clearly I watched movies and when I needed to rest I simply enjoyed time sitting outside or in the library. Sometimes for me it is still just looking at the simple things that make the moment, if not the day, better...

  • dhoward .
    I'm sure if you just sat there and looked pretty your hubby would take things into his own hands.......and everything would work out fine .

    I hope you can find a way to enjoy your hubby/lover with out pain.

    You come first remember that OK hon.

    Best of luck.
  • dhoward: Sorry for your pain and frustration.Pls Google sex for the disabled and you will find the guidance you and your husband can use.Prior to any attempts please take your pain meds about an hour before prior planning will help we are in our late 70s and still enjoy each other not like the old days but but we can accomplish great intimacy not w/o pain but it is doable do not give up use Google and determination age does not matter.Couples do. Jimm1 :)
  • i appreciate the support. i can't just lay there but it's getting close to that!! ha ha dan you are funny

    i am sad today. i feel so guilty that my husband is suffering. i am having anxiety that surgery isn't the way to go. that i should try spinal decompression, dx9000 or something... i want AN ANSWER......is myelopothy REALLY only curable with surgery or will the decompression machines work?

    anyway my sugeron is positive that i will get the feelin back in my legs.
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