I usually do not post in this section.
I usually hide alot I guess. Well ok not all the time!!!! }:)
Yesterday was just such a overwhelming day in a bad way.
Yes this has been building up since 06 when I got let go from nursing school. I could actually say since I first got pregnant at 19 now I am 41 wow how time flys by :O
First I go to the dr. Revision surgery needs to be done as I am not fusing at L/5-S/1. So we are doing a extra level to at L/4. All new parts for me in September.
Then hubby calls his brother has Alpha 1 antripsyn.He has had it for about 7 yrs now. He is 45. Do not know if any are familar with this. Its genetic emphysema (spelling). He has to go to Boston to get both lower half of each lung removed. They also found 2 spots and do not know if its cancer.
Then another call our 21 yr old cousin left for Iraq this morning. So thoughts are needed so badly right now.
Then this morning flat tire on son's car. Im out there trying to get it filled. WITH NO LUCK MIND U. }:) Then I finally just lost it on my kids and husband.
I feel so HORRIBLE about it. The kids do nothing but want everything. Some of you can relate to that. I think its the generation. At 18 if I had a 15 grand car it would be tip top shape!!! Not a garbage pit. The rooms are trashed. I cannot keep up and neither can hubby.
He is stressed to. WONDERFUL GUY MIND U. I do not have to cook etc. Very caring will do anything for anyone. We do not argue etc. So I am a bit sad that I yelled so loud on the phone this morning. Plus yelled at the 12 yr old when it had nothing to do with her. She cried, I cried you get the idea.
I LOST IT MAN!!! I explained to her that parents just do that sometime. It builds up and we blow!!
Her saying was "you probably woke up the neighbors". YEAH SO WHAT I SAID LOL
Anyways I am ranting away.
I don't ask for perfection never have. Just some organization. I want to work again. Have my own car to do my own thing. Also to stop getting cut open every year.It just gets so frustrating. I have very high anxiety and panic. Thank goodness for the invention of VALIUM!!!!!!!
As you can see at the bottom of my posts Iv been through alot. I know there are many more people that have been through more.
I try to be strong but sometimes you just crumble without warning.
Thanks for letting me VENT out my frustrations right now.
I want to welcome all the new ppl to the site. And of course glad the oldies are still here!!!!!!!
Love * Hugs to everyone for a relaxing * painfree day!!!!!