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Feeling so overwhelmed & frustrated!!!!!!

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,623
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:21 AM in Matters of the Heart
:?
I usually do not post in this section.
I usually hide alot I guess. Well ok not all the time!!!! }:)
Yesterday was just such a overwhelming day in a bad way.
Yes this has been building up since 06 when I got let go from nursing school. I could actually say since I first got pregnant at 19 now I am 41 wow how time flys by :O
First I go to the dr. Revision surgery needs to be done as I am not fusing at L/5-S/1. So we are doing a extra level to at L/4. All new parts for me in September.
Then hubby calls his brother has Alpha 1 antripsyn.He has had it for about 7 yrs now. He is 45. Do not know if any are familar with this. Its genetic emphysema (spelling). He has to go to Boston to get both lower half of each lung removed. They also found 2 spots and do not know if its cancer.
Then another call our 21 yr old cousin left for Iraq this morning. So thoughts are needed so badly right now.

Then this morning flat tire on son's car. Im out there trying to get it filled. WITH NO LUCK MIND U. }:) Then I finally just lost it on my kids and husband.
I feel so HORRIBLE about it. The kids do nothing but want everything. Some of you can relate to that. I think its the generation. At 18 if I had a 15 grand car it would be tip top shape!!! Not a garbage pit. The rooms are trashed. I cannot keep up and neither can hubby.
He is stressed to. WONDERFUL GUY MIND U. I do not have to cook etc. Very caring will do anything for anyone. We do not argue etc. So I am a bit sad that I yelled so loud on the phone this morning. Plus yelled at the 12 yr old when it had nothing to do with her. She cried, I cried you get the idea.
I LOST IT MAN!!! I explained to her that parents just do that sometime. It builds up and we blow!!
Her saying was "you probably woke up the neighbors". YEAH SO WHAT I SAID LOL
Anyways I am ranting away.
I don't ask for perfection never have. Just some organization. I want to work again. Have my own car to do my own thing. Also to stop getting cut open every year.It just gets so frustrating. I have very high anxiety and panic. Thank goodness for the invention of VALIUM!!!!!!!
As you can see at the bottom of my posts Iv been through alot. I know there are many more people that have been through more.
I try to be strong but sometimes you just crumble without warning.
Thanks for letting me VENT out my frustrations right now.
I want to welcome all the new ppl to the site. And of course glad the oldies are still here!!!!!!!

Love * Hugs to everyone for a relaxing * painfree day!!!!!
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Comments

  • Hey Terri--YOU are only human! We are glad you are venting--it's healthy! With so much on your plate--YOU need to vent. Good that you have a hubby that is understanding! I would crumble under a lot less! So, hang tough, and keep venting to us!--Mazy
  • my friend , we all have been there and done that and if we haven't then it is only a matter of time. Just remember chicka that I am always here if you want to talk.....just let me know....take care sweetie , Miki
  • U all are so awesome as I always have said.
    I finally calmed down a bit. Took a valium and slept for a good hour.
    Still sleepy but hey.
    One good thing my daughter is gone till tomorrow night.
    My son understood why I yelled. "he said if I was getting cut open I would of went off to!!!" so I got a bit of a chuckle.
    Now I am just going to concentrate on ORGANAZATION in this house. slowly but surely. things that have not been used in a year well in the GARBAGE they go.
    Get ready for our week long camping trip which should be relaxing. I have not done that in YEARS. I know I will not be able to do everything they do. So mabye now is a good time to take up reading.
    Im still nervous about this surgery as I have heard that the 2nd time is sometimes a longer recovery.
    But this body is going to try to get in tip top shape the best that I can. (gentle of course) and go in the OR full force and ready to GO!!!!
    Thanks again you guys. I know you all have alot on your plate to.
    Hey anyone want to go to the MALL today and buy me stuff???!!?? LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL hey what can I say I have no where to wear the stuff but it makes a girl happy LOL 8) 8) 8) 8)

    Love * Hugs
    Terri
  • It's times like these that all those old cliche's we've been bombarded throughout our lives take on new meaning.

    - What doesn't kill us makes us stronger

    - How can we know the good times without experiencing the bad times

    - This too shall pass



    Hang in there Terri.

    "C"
  • We all have days where we blow up. I know how you feel after you have done it. It just sucks but at the time it just comes out. We are human and just daily life is crazy and then put our health problems on top of it and it can push you over the edge.

    Take care and know you are not alone.
  • Hey Terri,

    Honey you are only human and we all have our breaking points. I know I always regret it if I blow at someone as it's usually those who don't deserve it who are in the firing line, but they love us and they forgive us. I don't have children so I can't relate but I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to work hard for them and it all be taken for granted.

    You are allowed to feel hard done by with everything that you've been through, but don't give up hope that your next surgery will make you better. We all have to keep believing...

    Big hugs, Spicey
  • I am so very glad I found this site last year before my other surgery. I belong to a fibro site to, but its nothing like this because of course its all fibro and cfs.
    So now I have ppl here that understand the frustrations of medical issues/family u name it u all understand <:P <:P

    I am a bit better. I try to stay strong.I am not sleeping well. Here I was doing so well I could not even get up in the mornings. Now I sleep for about 2 hrs thats it.

    I got very frustrated today. We have a push mower. I showered , dressed and said what the heck. Small yard I will just do a little bit. I did not even get to the second row and my ankles and legs hurt so bad I stopped came in found the first chair and just SCREAMED/CRIED SO HARD. :''( :''( :''( :''( I even made the puppy throw up!!!!!!! :& :& :&
    Weird my back did not hurt and just my legs did. I sure hope this new surgery helps that. Praying its nothing else. O:) O:) O:)
    You would not think that non fusion would cause such odd symptoms. I will have to research more on that one.
    Hopefully tonight I can sleep if not I will be on here posting.
    Hubby wanted me to call the dr and try to get trazadone as sleeping meds do not work and give me horrible nightmares but I told him I do not want anymore meds. I already have the valium and soma so I really do not want to add to the mix.
    One thing I do not want is loosing my only kidney etc. Whole other story.
    Anyways going to do more laundry (don't have to walk with that) 8} 8} drink my coffee and well just chill.

    Love you all and I wish a pain free night for all!!!!!! >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D<


    LOVING THESE NEW SMILES!!!!!!!! LOL :P
  • Terri, if you're not sleeping well that will be adding to everything. Is it pain that's keeping you awake or stress or both? If you don't have meds that help with sleeping then it might be worth looking into it. There are herbal remedies out there that don't leave you groggy next morning, just check with a pharmacist before you take anything if you're on other meds.

    Glad your feeling a bit better though hun B)
  • They are all the same no matter where you are. My daughter is a total pig and the whole world revolves around her. Not only do I have to deal with "the queen" I also have to deal with step-children and their mom and all the problems that come along with being a step-mother and a second wife.
    I can definately feel for you...lol

    Best Wishes,
    Christina :)
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