Surgery number 1 - A failed laminectomy 15 yrs ago, Kindly left a part of the disc there that slipped to the spinal column and caused major problems.
Number 2 - 10 mths later - Successful removal of remnants left.
Major problems with adhesions and nerve damage caused by botched up surgery's. Went on extended Pain Management courses whilst having Claudia Block epidurals monthly whilst waiting for number 3 due to snapping off a part of the calcified adhesion.
Number 3 - Successful removal of parts 10 yrs ago.
More problems due to nerve damage, evolved into DDD.
Has progressively got worse, spending more and more time bed-ridden.
Have been in bed for over 5 mths now, awaiting ramp but during the last month the spasm and cramps I am having I cant cope with them any longer.
I am a strong willed person who does not like taking medication and have found relaxation and breathing exercises worked best for pain. However even Morphine doe not help severe spasm. Only countless Diazapam eventually relax it.
Ive tried and done everything and Im at rock bottom.
I cant be not mentally on top of this as with a defeated attitude - you surely will give up.
I have to think of something positive when I wake up every morning.
In the last 3-4 weeks the spasm has became unbearable and I find myself in unknown territory.
I cant do this anymore, I have no fight left and cannot mentally cope.
The only thing that stops me from giving up is I cannot have my 15 yr old daughter find me.
Even thinking along these lines makes me feel worse.
I cannot beleive that Its not even leaving her mother less but rather messing up her life forever by finding me.
Again unknown territory - I dont know what to do.
xx Husky xx