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Pre-Surgery breakup

froggyrn1ffroggyrn1 Posts: 90
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:21 AM in Matters of the Heart
So I'm 27 years old, and I injured my back in May '07, positioning a patient (I'm a nurse). In October last year, I started dating a guy who was totally wrong for me, but for whatever reason, we were drawn to each other. We tried to make it work, "because we love each other," but there were so many ways that we didn't match, and I felt myself going absolutely crazy sacrificing my own needs in order to stay with him.
All the while, I'd been battling (among other things of course) Worker's Comp, dealing with failed treatments and finally appeal after appeal to get the surgery I needed. About a week before I finally got the approval for surgery, my boyfriend broke up with me. That was about 6 weeks ago. Now I'm nearly 3 weeks post-op (yes the surgery got done that quick) and I feel so totally abandoned and alone, even though I have family and friends available when I need them. I've had a few serious relationships before this, but none have hurt this badly. On top of it, he still will text or call to see how I am, which part of me is so happy when he does, but then it just kills me that it just rehashes all of my feelings for him again. I know intellectually that he was not good for me and that I will find someone who is so much better suited for me, but emotionally I'm a wreck about this guy...


  • There is another lady whose boyfriend broke up with her before her surgury too,you need to get over this guy,he wasnt there when you needed him,so you need to get over him and move on with your life..take care
  • 100% with you, BigCat. Didn't even want to get involved in the first place. Head and heart are definitely not connecting here...
  • It sounds like you have more than the surgery to heal from. It's hard for people in a totally commited relationship to go through the rigors of injury, pain and surgery much less a new relationship that sounds like it was rocky to start with. My thinking is that you should never have to give more of yourself than you are comfortable with to be with someone.

    Maybe it's time to ask him to stop contacting you. You can explain why or not, that's up to you, but you may be healthier for letting this this thing go. I hate to see a woman in pain, especially from the actions of an insensitive man.

    Take care of yourself,

  • So this will be hurting even more. It's really common to feel isolated and alone, even if you are married so I think once you have started to recover a little, then you will be better able to deal with the hurt. I've had 2 relationships end over my back issues, first my marriage, and my first long term relationship since my husband which ended just 4 weeks ago. It's horrible to feel left when you most need it, but Bigcat is right, if they aren't there for you when you need them most, then you are better off without them. It might be worth considering asking him not to call you anymore if it hurts you so much to hear from him?

    I know it won't take away the pain, but sending you some big hugs. Spicey >:D<
  • he'll be there through everything and will put you before himself. I really hope in time that you find that person. Your exboyfriend definately wasnt the kind of man you need to have in your life if he left you when you needed him most.

    Best WIshes,
    Christina :)
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