So, since I live with my parents and am unemployed and in trial limbo I am pretty much as screwed as you can get...I'm waiting on medicaid, but right now I can't afford to get my scripts and have been in withdrawl for about a week, I've been on the meds for almost 4 years now.
I don't know what to do anymore, my brain feels like scrambled eggs and I can barely think straight...I'm waking up 10+ times a night because I hurt so badly...I'm going to the doctor on the 14th, I tried to call their office and get something done because I am so tired of living like this. I know exactly where my pain level is at and it is not good at all. The nurse said all they can do is give me an epidural or I can go to see the chiropractor, which I did and he couldn't even move me or adjust me.
My shoulders are killing me, my head hurts, my neck is killing me and everything is tensed up. I think I'm done with the withdrawls, but I can't get any sleep. I keep waking up in tons of pain.
My mom is convinced that the meds make things worse, I don't think that I've found the right mix yet...Right now, my PM says my only choices are Opana ER or Methadone, but Opana is horrid and doesn't do squat. I don't want to get back on the Methadone because I can't go to the bathroom (excuse me for saying so) hardly at all when I'm on it, never mind the constant heart attacks my parents and sister have when I was on it about 2 1/2 years ago. NO muscle relaxers, nada, just the cymbalta.
I just don't know what to do anymore...I'm so lost, I'm so tired and I hurt so badly that I want to knock myself over the head with a hammer, but I fear that will cause more damage. I've been talking to a therapist, but nothing has come of it yet, meaning me learning to live with this. And my mother is convinced that I need to learn to live with it, but I don't have the strength. It's been almost 4 years, I'm so tired of fighting onward.
Anyways, if you don't see me on much, that's why...I hope all of you are doing well and to those who aren't, gentle hugs to all of you! Maybe when I don't feel like such crud I'll be able to sit here and respond to PMs and stuff...Sorry!