Sometime soon , we taxpayers may again receive an Economic Stimulus payment.
This is a very exciting new program. I will explain it using the Q and A format:
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q.. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a
high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by
spending your stimulus check wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will
go to China .
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India .
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico ,
Honduras and Guatemala .
* If you buy a car, it will go to Japan .
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to
management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by:
1 spending it at yard sales, or
2 going to ball games, or
3 spending it on prostitutes, or
4 beer or
5 tattoos.
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the US .)
I'm going to go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that I met at
a yard sale, and drink beer!
"I have been told my statement or statements are not logical. Would Mr. Spock ride a bicycle down a wooded mountainside when there was a perfectly good stationary bike at home?" NOTICE: Please consult a real DOCTOR before doing anything that may hurt yourself or others! Please be careful!Medtronic SCS Placed May 4, 2009. Cervical, for chronic right shoulder, upper arm pain.
ROFL!!!!!
"If you ever need holding, call my name, I'll be there. If you ever need holding, no holding back, I'll see you through..." Jackson Browne, whose poetry in lyrics and music have seen me through so many years.
That last part cracked me up. LOL
I will have to pass on the prostitute. Maybe I'll just a tattoo of a hooker holding a baseball bat in one hand and a beer in the other
• The only valid excuse you have to give up is if you are dead.