You never get used to losing something you love. It flat out sucks whatever the reason, especially when you’ve been together that long – and that is a long time! That is longer than a lot of marriages so you must have had something good going for quite a while. It is hard, hard for us, hard for them, but ya know we would change it all in a heartbeat if we could. God knows I would do anything for this pain to be gone and be like I was 15 years ago – but that just isn’t going to happen.
Just don’t say you should be used to it by now – you will never get used to it. It always hurts and it’s always hard. Sometimes, it happens for a reason, sometimes not. Perhaps someone that can be more understanding will come along when you least expect it. I will hope that for you. Being alone in all of this mess and hole of pain is not so much fun either. Just having someone to chatter with over a bite to eat, or to snuggle with is comforting. It will happen again when the time is right.
I can tell you what worked for me during the hideious “breakup”… About 15 shots of Tekillia and some really good cigars. LOL! Hope that made ya smile guy.. Take care - Marion

I have to give in to her 8 tough years of me suffering she passed thru with flying colors. She just wants happiness and not all this stress and hard times. I want that to. I have my responsibiliy on things i could have done better.

Hey A;

Sorry to hear about your relationship. I went through the same thing this past summer, although this one wasn't as long as yours, it still hurts. I too, own up to my responsibilities in why it didn't work out, we all have our parts in it, and it takes two to make them work or not. While it is easier to live this life with a partner to help out, it is manageable to live without one, as you've found out the past couple of months, and you're a strong person, you'll come out fine. The most important thing, I think, is to learn from what happens along the way on our journeys, and the next time around it will be that much better if we do. Like Marion said, when you least expect it, someone better suited for you in "this life" will come along. Until then, you have us, LOL. Hang in there!

I've come to respect you for your honesty and your awareness that it "takes two to tango." When I went through my divorce 23-24 years ago, I was a bona fide active alcoholic, and like others in that category I blamed everything on the other party, and on the surface regarded myself as faultless. The reason for that is that habitual intake of excessive amounts of alcohol is but a symptom of major underlying problems of an emotional, spiritual and physical nature, two of which are false pride and an inflated ego. Once the alcohol cleared from my system I started taking personal inventory, and boy oh boy, did that open Pandora's box! I was just as much at fault, if not more, than my ex was!

As others have said, the right person could come along when the time is right. Hang in there!

Dont give up hope, If you been together for a very long time the stress with pain can create a problem in a relationship, This is now realy the time to not fall apart but find the best way to deal with it and manage on your own to show you can manage your life even in this situation,

Make yourself as well as you posibly can and manage your lifestyle and might just turn out to be a seperation, You have to be able to learn to deal with this alone before you can offer anything to the relationship,

I know its easier said then done but it has to be done, Focus on yourself to get beter and you never know she might have a change of heart and being seperated is best of health for both at this time,

If you love something you let it go, If it comes back its yours, If it dont come back then it was never yours to begin with,

Good luck and stay strong,

Thanks for all the kind words. It does suck I do have to admit. It just was never gonna be this way we used to be the couple, childhood sweethearts, could go anywhere just the two and have a blast, such amazing dreams. Definitly was not an opposites attract, we had so much in common. It unfortunatly is something that I could never see happening without this stress of chonic pain that came into our lives.
Life is so crazy, one mistep or moment just can change your lifes path for the good and equally for the bad. Ready to switch paths now and bid farewell to 2011.

I love her enough to hope she finds happiness ( hard to compete with someone who can devote most of their time to the relationship) and just gets to have some fun.

I too just went thru a breakup. Certainly not as many years but it was years and it is still tough especially at the holidays.

Our lives change so much after whatever it was that caused our back problems. Not fair and yes it sucks.

Lets hope 2012 brings better things to us all. Please let us know how you are doing.

After 13 years of marriage she left me for a coworker that could "do things" go out have fun wasnt in pain etc. It hurts especially since she cheated with him the week of our anniversary and I was in the hospital. All things happen for a reason but that doesnt make it hurt any less. Keep your head up its hard most days but in the end you will be better for it.

I was post 6 weeks after my 8 day hospital stay when my ex of 18 years informed me that she was filing.

I told my self that as her husband who believed and followed those "vows" disagreed ... as her friend I understood.

I have spent the past 4 years making this the mosr amicable divorce in history ... we are still friends - she takes me shopping on occasion and well have been able to remain friends. The piss vinegar angst abger hate nastiness are NOT required within a divorce ... I saw my parents play that game and decided that it was no-way for me or mine.

Be strong - we are here for you. PM me at will,

Dave

Anyone who leaves there partner married or even not married lacks in integrity,

Life is not all about having fun, and if 1 hapens to fall to illness and other person leaves them because of that lets not sugar coat it, They simply lack in integrity in the relationship,

If i want someone only for the good times then i will pay for a hooker,

But if i am in it for good or bad and the ugly part of life, whatever comes at ya in this crazy life then i will stick with someone who has some integrity in life and moral and compassion, And just dress her up as a hooker. Lol. Git-ir-done

Thats exactly how I felt, as a partner for 16 years I was hurt, but as a friend I understood. Watching your partner struggle with you being in pain is almost as bad as being in the pain. At least it was for me. I think it just wears people down dealing with pain in any form for a long period of time. Not making excuses but I have done or thought about things I would not have imagined prior to being in pain. I dont think anyone ever gets over being pain free with whole life ahead of you then spend the next ??? yrs. struggling.
In a sense it is selfish what they did, but there are so many times in my life that if I would have just been selfish I would have avoided such problems in life. But I am just not built to be selfish to people.
Sucks to see there are others that deal with the pain of relationships that most likely has been impacted by thier physical pain. Guess I need to find a girl who is dealing with an injured back also, we would definitly understand each others pain.