Hey Tony,
All I can think of saying/writing is... I wanna send you a soft cyber hug.. and hope and pray that you will find relief, and have an upswing in your health!
I have seen many of your posts and know that you, by sharing your story, opinions and humour, have helped so many of 'us' on this site during ups and downs.

thinking of you-and sending you postive thoughts from over-seas.

Hi Tony,

Sorry to hear about your pain and suffering. I hope for you it will be worth it in the long run.

My mom had a 3 level ALIF on Nov, 25, 2011 and she also is having increased pain. She had an abscess form around her hardware about 2 weeks post op and was re admitted to the hospital.

I hope both of you can get better soon, I do believe you will.

I'm in the same shape as you. It is so slow of a recovery. And like you I was on enough meds before the surgery that if a normal person would take, it would surely kill them. I think they could even knock down a horse! Same as you, they couldn't control the pain. I had to stay at the hospital for 4 extra days. And then they would only release me to a rehab center with a resident Dr. And I had to stay there an additional week. And when I came home I was in more pain than I could ever imagined.
And like I said the recovery is going at a snail's pace.
But it is going. I'm still in great pain, but it is now controllable. And I'm taking less meds. I'm down to what I was taking before the surgery. It's just going so slow!
At first I thought I had made a huge mistake!
We will get better my friend. But I think it's just going to take a year or more.
It has been very hard to keep going. But I am, and I will keep going. At times I have wanted to give up. But I just don't think we are made up that way.
I got my surgery on 11/29 and you got yours much later. So just know It will get better. Ever so slow!
I'm not crying for myself at this point any more. But I'll cry for you.
Hang in there buddy!
Jim

I've been there too. Unlike you, before surgery I could barely walk, never mind swim. Sometimes just shifting position while I sat (with my arms) would send me into convulsions of pain. I had three levels fused. I was in the hospital for over a week and had two surgeries while I was there. The first from the back, where they put in the hardware, the second from the front, where they replaced the damaged disks with fusible material. The recovery was HELL. The first several months I had big set backs, times when I had to go in and get a steroid pack to take the inflammation down so that I could keep healing. It took 18 months until I could even walk like I had before. I still have times when my back is very painful, but it's nothing like it was before surgery. I'm so much better now. All I can tell you is, hang in there. You might want to adjust your expectations of being active this summer. If you can do it, that will be wonderful, but you've had a major surgery and it is going to be baby steps getting back to your old self. Don't over-do or you will set yourself back by leaps and bounds. Do they have you scheduled to start physio? Just getting your muscles massaged and moved around will really help.

I know where you are. You're at the point where you feel like you will never be better, you can't move well, you're sad, you're angry, and you just don't want to do this anymore. It's normal. Do your best to find something to take your mind off your condition. Is there anything you like to do with your hands, or things that you really like to read? I was lucky that I could knit. Granted, I had to rip out what I'd knitted a ton of times because the drugs would have me confused about where I was, but at least it kept me occupied. As you can go for a walk - short walks, slow walks, a little more when you can. We're all pulling for your Tony. It's not going to be easy, but you WILL GET THERE!

Tony, I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling like it was a mistake. I hope that once you've hit the same spot as Jim has, you'll start to feel a bit better, and can begin to see a at least a little twinkle at the end of the tunnel. Recovery is long and hard, for just the easiest of surgeries, and yours was very complicated. Hang in there, you will start to feel better at one point, one day. Have you ever considered seeing a pain psychologist or something of the sort? Would you be able to get some sort of home visit of the sort for that? I think that could be something that could be very beneficial in your toolbox to help you get through these hard times of your recovery, maybe not directly with the pain, but how to deal with the pain, and the loss of even more activities and how the surgery has affected you emotionally.

Anyways, just know that we're all here for you, wishing the best for you and cheering you on.

WE all cry inside Tony, when my son was very ill I cried sideways, and as you say, listening to others should and does put our own situation into some perspective, someone somewhere is always worse off, the sister of a child I know has terminal cancer, it is compassionate to think of others and you are not soft, you have to be a real man to understand these raw emotions.

Take care you are doing well and whatever the result, you had the courage to make a decision about your future, any surgery is a leap of faith into the unknown........

Every day your new normal develops, as Howie said, we learn to share our tears here.

John, any snow yet !

So sorry you are in so much pain. It is a fairly common complaint at 4 weeks out. It will get better in time.

Someone on the forum gave me a few general guidelines/goals that helped so much.

At 8 weeks, the pain was beginning to improve. Walking was difficult but the walk, rest, walk cycle worked well.

At 12 weeks, the pain was more manageable. Mobility was beginning to improve.

At 16 weeks, Mobility was better, endurance was improving. I was walking one mile everyday.

Even though it has been 2 years since my fusion, I remember at 6 months out still feeling stiff when sitting, being unable to get in and out of the bathtub. Still needing to logroll out of the bed everyday. Needing to take naps, due to my endurance being so limited. Taking a shower and drying my head would totally exhaust me even at 6 months out.

I really thought something was wrong with me because my surgeon, employer and coworkers thought I should be back to normal at 6 months. Looking back, that was not even a workable goal. Not only that, but everyone is different and heals at a different rate, and it is ok if you are anyone who has had spinal surgery is slow in the recovery phase.

I did not even completely fuse until I was 16 months postop, so the recovery phase seemed like an eternity.

Hang in there, do whatever activity your surgeon allows and eat super healthy. Good luck, Tony!

Lisa

You can't judge or predict the future by how you feel today. Give time ... time.

"C"

You seem to realize the blessing you have with a wife who you talk with all the time. It's nice to be able to live with a best friend who loves you so much.

And I like the post suggesting..give time...time.

Get enough rest and try to recover without too many worries. I look forward to hearing about your progress of feeling better.

A day at a time!

i have never needed help as much as i do now .i thought that i was a veteran in the back pain world .i knew nothing !! this fusion has half killed me .and i mean it .on the other operation .i walked out of hospital and got in the car and was fine .in pain but fine .this time .was different because i have been left too long between surgeries .i could feel myself going down hill to the point where i knew what i could manage and i worked within that frame work .but now its all very new to me .a shower is my limit and i mean that .jim thank you i understand what you mean .you and i have had many conversation about fusions .i still think that i have done the wrong thing and now i am so scared about hospitals ..the thought of needing more surgey for whatever reason i could not do it .like jim said they were staggered at how much pain killers i needed post op .i feel its too much too late i can't see past the next hour let alone the next week .as for physio .over here its a a4 sheet of unachievable exercises and that's it .i did go privately once and he told me to swim as soon as i could .even pool walk ..i rang him and told him how ill i felt he said just wait until you feel stronger then pool walk.he also told me i should not have had the operation.not in my state of health .it was not a good idea.maybe 15 years ago .but i have been weakened so much by lack of sleep /stress/drugs and pain .this operation was ill advised and i should have listened to myself ..yes i am angry and upset and constantly questioning my self .to be honest with you all i am in a right bloody mess!!.thanks again for all you help and advice i need as much support as i can get
tony xx

hang in there tony. i have been dealing with this crap, pain dr's work for 10 years. ii know it might sound hollow but it will get better and over time you and your body will adjust.
take care
jon

I know you are suffering and right now things seem so miserable.
Hang tough.
As others have said here, you are still basically a newborn outta of this recent surgery. 6 to 9 months from now, lets do a re-check and I can only hope you will be feeling a lot better.
Meantime, stay with us all the way

i have to admit .this has taken the life out of me a lot more than i ever thought .
tony

If there was some way you could transfer some of the most brutal of your pain to me....I would gladley take it Tony!!

You have been a great friend to me ever since I jouned here...thank you for that!! You have helped myself and others with your good advice and you really care about others!!

We are all cheering for you(I know I am)and we will always be here for you. "Talk" to us as often as you need to and we will be here. "Talking" DOES help. If you need to cry, then cry, and we will cry with you! I know when we are in brutal pain we can't think of anything else, time drags sooooo slowley.

But this will pass Tony, I promise it will!!

Sending you and Kath a gentle hug because you both need one.

Your friend
Patsy W

I like your posts because of your honesty, and you couldn't have found a better place to vent. I really feel for you, and I sure hope that as time passes you'll feel better and better. The two-month point at which several of you said is the beginning of some noticeable improvement will be here in another month, so hang in there and stay strong. Gentle to you and Kathy! Love 'n , Ess

Oh Tony! My heart hurts for you! I wish so badly someone had a crystal ball and they could show you that down the road that this will all be much better.

Please please don't give up on yourself!

I am in NO way comparing my surgery to yours! However when I had my knees done I woke up screaming in agony.
They had to have my Dr come in to give me the shots for pain as the nurses were not allowed to give me any more, only a Dr could.

The first time I stood up (4 hrs after surgery) inside my head I thought "oh my God what have I done to myself". The pain seemed unbearable.

It was this bad for about 2 weeks. It took me 45 minutes to get to the bathroom which is only about 15' away.

I honestly thought I would never improve.

I know your recovery is much more involved then mine was and again I am not comparing my pain to yours.

I am saying I understand that "I screwed up" feeling.

It took me about 4 months before I started to feel like I had made the right choice.

Please give yourself time

Tony - you've received some really good advice here. I remember thinking I had made a horrible mistake. I figured I would never walk normally, never be able to tie my shoes (I wore slip-ons for about two years after surgery), never be able to enjoy my life again. Fortunately, I was wrong. I'm still a bit limited -- can't do everything and I don't try to, but I can walk long distances, drive, get out and enjoy myself. I have a portable kneeler/bench I use in the yard so I can do my gardening, and I bought a push reel mower so I can mow the lawn without having to tug on the starter cord of the gas lawn mower. It takes a long time, but things eventually work out.

I certainly understand about thinking you'll never want to have surgery of any kind again. I was totally worn out before my surgery. They put me on Ambien for a week before so I would sleep, as I too was in no condition to go into the hospital. I ended up having two surgeries. When I awoke from the second, I was screaming in pain. The nurse on duty told me I'd already had all the pain medication allowed and I couldn't have any more for at least two hours. I told her to call my doctor. She said he was still in surgery with someone else. I told her there were phones in the OR. She refused. I cannot tell you the things I threatened to do to that nurse or the doctor. Of course, I couldn't move, so no one really cared. Actually, the nurse shut the light off, closed my door, and left me all alone in the dark, screaming my head off. Oddly enough, when my friend showed up (I found my phone and called her) and found me in the dark, crying on my bed with not even a blanket for comfort, all kinds of nurses showed up to help me. Believe me, I couldn't wait to get out of there, and even though I have a condition now that should require surgery (not back related), it will most likely be a cold day in hell before they get me back in the operating room.

You are going to have horrible days. You are going to be horribly depressed. Do NOT give up. Keep coming here and talking. Eventually, you'll have half a day that doesn't feel too bad. Things will get better and better. You may then experience a set back (I had three big ones along the way), but you WILL eventually get better. We're here for you. Most of us have had hellacious experiences along the way. Others here have pulled us through, and hopefully, we can do the same for you.

Wait till your incisions have healed well before getting in the water to walk, but when they have healed, that will probably be a good exercise to start with. Do not rush things. As I said, it took me 18 months - a year and a half - before I felt like I could even walk normally again. I still have times when I get stiff and I limp a bit. The outside of my right foot has been half-numb, half-pins and needles since my first surgery. I have a feeling it will be like that for the rest of my life. BUT, all in all, I'm so much better than I was before surgery. You might end up with things that aren't quite the same as they were before surgery, but hopefully, you will eventually feel it was worth it.

Hang tough, Tony. We're right here if you need us.

Just remember that you can't let the surgery and injury dictate your every move. Yes to a big extent they do, but each day you will find a way no matter how small, to circumvent that.

One step at a time Tony. One step at a time.

"C"

and as each day rolls on i get further away from the horrible operation and hopefully back to some NEW normality .i have to forget the old me and focus on a new me .i have been getting a lot of PMS from a member and he /she has been helping with the hell too .PAT its nice to here from you too .i just wish that i was 12 months away from now .i don't like being this way .and i realise just how i managed to live my life pre op .in a small way i was able to do stuff but at the time did not realise just how much i could do {even though it was not much} it was a lot more that i can do at the moment .so i know that it will take a long time to recover .easy to say but hard to do
tony

Tony, every day that passes, is one more day past the surgery. As each week passes,the memory of post op will soften. You will never forget what you were feeling, or are feeling now, but it will soften.

I have my adr on Monday, and I too have been told that due to the amount of meds I am on pre op,I will have a special team watching me closely afterward.They will need to step up my meds even more due to the post op pain, and then carefully wean me back to where I was. They also want me to try to cut back on the day of,to prevent difficulty for the anesthesiologist.

I just keep trying to focus on how I will feel once I am over the surgery and first weeks, months after.

Hang in there Tony!
Karen

If I could jump in my car and drive over to visit you, I would. I'm just so frustrated that I can't do it right now. But perhaps, when I am able to later on, can I visit you again?

I posted before I read your comments above and I wish I hadn't done so now. I said things like - we must chat, but be warned, I'll probably moan more than you! I wish I'd seen your post first. Trust me to put my blimming big foot in it.

I would never compare my own pain issues right now as being on the same high level you're currently going through at the moment, but I just wanted to say that I really do understand your depression, fear and worries about your future prognosis, your perceived slow progress and the doubts you are having about whether you should have gone ahead with this operation or not. To a much smaller extent, I feel exactly the same.

The thing is, what's done is done. You can only deal with what your circumstances are now. If you cannot do the things you did before (albeit not so much from what you have said), then you must look at other ways of measuring your progress and try not to grieve for what you used to do (I know it's much easier said than done). Even though you're understandably upset, we would all be in the same position, with what seems to be a slow recovery so far, the high level of drugs you're taking, the lack of stamina and your low moods - you must look at the positive things you have achieved.

I know they won't seem much of an improvement right now, but when we have chatted on the phone recently, you've said that a couple of things are a little bit easier now than they were when you first got home. Hang on to those small improved steps. Hopefully, in the next couple of months or so, you will look back and find that you have improved that little bit more, and so on.

I feel for everyone who experiences back pain (and referred pain is just as bad as well sometimes) because nobody can truly understand it until they've been in our shoes.

As a Christian we are given to understand that the Lord would not give us anything we cannot bear to handle. Obviously, many times, I have had a problem with this, and reading the way you have explained yourself so honestly, makes me 'shoot one up' for you.

I can only pray that from this point forward your recovery will improve, day by day, week by week, even if it is going to take more time than you expected. All you can do is keep constant dialogue with your doctor who hopefully will take care of your pain management, try and stay positive about the tiny improvements you are aware of, try and help Kath emotionally as well like she helps you, I know this is so difficult to do, but it must upset her so much to see you in such pain and trying so hard to help you.

What about keeping a diary - just jotting things in daily so that, please G-d, when you look back and read it, you'll see that progress has indeed been made over a period of time.

We will have that chat, if not this week (as tomorrow I'm at the doctor again!), but perhaps next week OK.

Keep posting on Spine Health !! Everyone has contributed to your post because they care about you and are supporting you from all over the world and we are all interested to see how you're getting on. They've given you some good comments, something for you to hold on to whilst you're having such a rough time at the moment. You've read how some people have even been where you are now and eventually came through the other side, which is so reassuring.

Take good care and one step at a time
G-d bless
xx

Tony - I forgot to mention (probably because I've kind of chosen to block it out), that as part of my spine surgery I was enrolled in a research study on PTSD - post traumatic stress disorder - from back surgery! I had to fill out forms every time I went back to the doctor about whether or not I was experiencing psychological trauma from having been through the surgery. Well, yes! I've sort of blocked a lot of it out, there are parts I choose not to remember.

So, remember, there is ongoing research that recognizes that spinal surgery can be a life-changing traumatic event. Don't feel bad about complaining about the pain. It hurts! As Sue says, grab on to the little improvements you notice from time to time. Hopefully, you will begin to notice more of them. Some day, the improvements will outweigh the negative parts.

Be well and continue to heal.

Linda

Tony -
I share some of your feelings, in kind though not degree of despair. In January on top of all of the spinal problems I've been dealing with, I broke an 11 year old surgical steel plate that was the only thing holding together my unfused ulna. All I did was pop my wrist and the steel snapped. I found myself with an unstable fracture for 2 week until a very painful surgery I did not want and a recovery I was not prepared to deal with. I got lectured by recovery room nurse that I needed to be detoxed because she had to give me 4 mg dilaudid to get the pain under control.

I got home and proceeded to throw myself quite the pity party. To get past it, I decided I was going to have to adopt a recovery song and play it until my ears bled.

Have you ever heard "The Fighter" by Gym Class Heroes? Whenever I cannot stand the pain of my chronic stuff and the new arm rehab pain, I play this song top psych myself up to get through the next five minutes, shower, trip to doc's, etc.

I was hoping that maybe if you listened to it, you'd realize what we all know about you - that you are one hellova fighter!
MACK

WOW the thought of more surgey fills me with horror i don't know if they have an anesthetic strong enough to get me in the hospital !.i am so sorry that you needed surgery on an old wound ..you know ...i feel like i am not me anymore and i have done something stupid like having a tattoo on my face {i don't have a tattoo on my face !!!!}.buts that how i feel ..i feel like i have made my situation worse .i know that i have never felts so ill in my life and so scared all the time ...its going to be a long slog!
tony

Tony, I stopped in to see how you are doing. I am happy to see that you have a great support team here at SH

I don't know what kind of music you like but I am a hick and enjoy country music. There is a song that makes me think of you. One line is "if your going through hell keep on going. You might get out before the devil even knows your there"

It pretty much means - we have to keep fighting to move forward so that our life does not become full of bitterness, hate, fear etc.

Keeping moving forward and this will someday be history.

*thread hijack* Linda - OMG! She shut the door and left you alone?! I know you speak the truth but that seems unreal. I think I would have freaked out BIG time had that happened to me.

I think of my friend often and was wondering how you were doing. Is the pain easing any??

I know when I had my one level fusion the pain was BRUTAL!! I walked into the hospital looking like a normal healthy person but when I came out I looked like death warmed over!! I was in a wheelchair, my head was slumped to the side because I could not hold it up, my eyes were sunk in and I was the color of paste, my hair was plastered to my head from sweat!! I was clutching in my hand 3 different scripts for pain medication and I needed them all and could have used more!!

It was a long time before I could even hold my head up!! Like you, I was wondering what the h@%% I had done to myself.

Have no fear Tony.....this will pass!!
Hang in there my friend!
Patsy W

but i had ordered a script for this morning .so kath collected them for me and i had my pain killers dead on 9am .thank you kath! .the thing is because i need many pain killers just to get to the point where at on point i thought was bad ..not i long for that bad feeling as the new pain is too much for me to cope with .i hope you all understood that! .i can't do much still and from what i can gather its going to be a long time before i can get back to the day before i had the operation !! sso in my mind i feel that my original reservations and many conversation i had with many of you was correct ...i should not have had this operation as i was not fit enough and the inner me was shouting at me don't do it ..but for some strange reason i did not listen to me .i just when with the flow.now my life is about accepting what left .and at the moment i can't .the thought of living like this for any number of years fill me with fear .i must get better for this to have been worth it .but as last night proved to me .i am a very long way from that .there should be a waring and the truth of what can happen if you have a fusion ..the was nothing given to me apart from the basic .having an anesthetic and the risk .staying in hospital and you visiting hours and a small bit about following you operation you may be..in more pain /unable to walk or go to the toilet .you will be catheterised and that was about it ..nothing was said about the excruciating pain post op the fact that my own wife had to wash me and clean me following a visit to the toilet {very embarrassing } as i was unable to reach without hurting myself .they also don't tell you that your appetite will be all over the place /you will have pain that you did not have before you operation and you will be so weak and frail and your emotion all over the place .and all the other stuff i have mentioned since i have come home ...yes i know there are the very small few that have this op and are back to work within a few months and don't have any of the problems i have mentioned .but i have talked to real people that have had fusions and many of them are more like me than like the others .so to end i though i knew what i was getting in to but i never thought it would be anything like its turned out to be .good luck to anyone going for ALIF.PLIF

I can so sympathise with everything you say!

You're right, nobody really tells you about the 'bad' stuff - because I suppose they hope you won't experience it to that extent. We all knew there would be post-operative pain, that all makes sense doesn't it?

But who knew that after many operations we would both end up feeling worse now than before the fusion and for the pesky pain to get worse as (in my case) new pain-causing symptoms have cropped up as a direct result of having the fusion in the first place, GGGRRRHHHHH!!!!!

As many have said - you are still so early in your recovery, but I know it doesn't help when you feel there has been no improvement in your pain.

I do not have any answers, Tony, because I can't find them for myself yet. It's so frustrating and sometimes I feel like I've had surgery under false pretences - if you see what I mean.

All glowing accounts are given about the successes they've had. I even attended many Spinal Support Group meetings before my fusion operation to talk to people who've actually had the surgery - ha! I was even one of those people 4 weeks after my fusion standing up and telling everyone about how amazing it's been, how wonderful the surgeon and how I was off ALL medications! Now I realise that it was only the 'success stories' that attended (why would the surgeon ask someone who is still in pain to go and represent his excellent skills?). No, if they are like me now, then obviously they wouldn't be invited to attend. It does give a false impression, but I need to keep remembering that my surgeon did not say my pain would ever improve - my surgery was done to stabilise my spine. You see, I keep forgetting that and it's so important because the last revision surgery WAS a success - it's just that I have not benefited from less pain (yet?).

I am still trying to stay positive. If I'm asked how I'm getting on, I just reply "Fine, in the circumstances" because it BORES me rigid to tell anyone about how low I really feel, how much pain I'm in and how my employers have made me feel like S**t over the last couple of years, so now my confidence and self worth have hit the floor.

I know I'll NEVER have more surgery again - not unless they carry me into the operating theatre unconscious or comatosed, ha! I'm just going to have to deal with it with the continued (and much appreciated) help from my surgeon and my local GP, who is a star.

I don't know if I'll ever be allowed to return to work. I'm seeing the Union boss this Friday to "see what my options are" and will later see my occupational health doctor, yet again. I just want to work and keep earning money to pay the ever-increasing bills that I feel so guilty about not contributing to and putting added burden on to my hubby. But what can we do eh? I'm hoping that "time" will sort everything out eventually.

The only way I tend to feel better about my own situation right now is when I hear of people I know who have had awful illnesses and are left totally unable to live an independent life any more - I mean, they cannot walk, talk, feed, wash, drive - nothing, but their mental function remains as sharp as ever. And that makes me feel so sad, knowing that my situation is nowhere near as bad as theirs and therefore I have nothing to moan about whatsoever if I look at the bigger picture.

Another thing. Whereas, when I was working, I'd obviously have pain issues and take extra medication to help, there was always something else going on that required my attention. Now, at home, with too much time to contemplate - I think that is the worse thing. I need to find something that occupies me that takes my mind off my current situation. If you've got any suggestions, please let me know ok?

So, Tony, I'm sorry but I cannot find the right words of support and encouragement right now. It sucks. It's frustrating. I don't know about you, but it feels like we've somehow been lied to, or the truth has not been explained in total black and white. You see, I've done it again.......... I've totally forgotten about the reason why my fusion was done in the first place - stability NOT pain relief. I should have this tattooed on me in clear view so that whenever I'm feeling miserable about my situation (like now!), I'll read it and KNOW that pain relief was never a guarantee.

But, having moaned enough for everyone today on the planet today (sorry about that) I still feel that although your progress may be very slow, you WILL still continue to improve and hopefully look back on this time. When you do, you'll be of enormous help and strength to other people on Spine Health that are going through the same thing.

I am sorry if my comments are all over the place today, that's just how I feel right now. You know you can phone me at any time and we can moan together ok.

lets face it ..its no ordinary pain is it .i know that without my pain killers and TENS and recliner .i would not even be able to get comfy is .the pain from major surgey and old wounds and arthritis is awful and lets face it we have both had major surgey .i know my limitation right now and they are not much .and i think that i am comparing myself 6 weeks ago to how i am now and feeling like saying why did you do that to yourself .you could .on a good day /.walk the dog wash a car and manage with pain killers to get comfy ..things like showering did not make me tired and sad cleaning myself after toileting was not a problem but now its like being a baby i am having to learn to do stuff again and its very hard work .for the minute all i want to do is crawl under a rock and sleep .the recliner will do ! you know what i mean
tony

I have not read everyone else's responses yet, but I would just like to say I can completely relate. I had a much less complicated surgery and was told I would only be in the hospital overnight. I ended up being there 5 days due to difficulty controlling my pain. My NS said he had never had a patient stay that long for a simple discectomy. I was later diagnosed with AS, which I now believe was a contributing factor, as the inflammation tends to be much worse for me, which makes the pain much worse. I am now 7 months out from the surgery and STILL find myself looking back and wishing I had not done it. However, I do not know how much of what I am experiencing at the moment is AS-related and how much is surgery-related.

All you can do is take it one day at a time. Try not to think about how long it is going to take to feel better, because you will drive yourself crazy. Try to live in the here and the now, and remember you are still not too far out from the surgery. I know that 4 weeks seems like a lifetime after any type of spinal surgery, but you truly are only in the beginning stages.

(((Gentle Hugs))) to you and remember that you are NOT alone! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Hi Tony

I am sure that you have thought of this. But will ask any ways

Is your Dr aware of this unbearable pain? If yes what is he/she saying about it?

Normal for your surgery?

Was your surgery to help with pain or like Sue was it only to stabilize?

I hope that these past few days has brought you some progress in your pain levels

the ALIF was to stabilize the spine and if there was any pain relief ..that would have been a bonus .yes my doctor knows about my pain and is giving adequate pain killers i am seeing the consultant on the 21 to see what he has to say
tony

Sorry I haven't been around to support you but right now sending up a prayer for you to get some more pain relief and some strength to take baby steps and so you can have strength to shower and walk a few times a day no matter how far.

I hope things will start to turn around for you and proceed forward with some healing. Have you had your x-rays yet to see how you're fusing?

I hope you heal as well as Bob in the Forest and I'm wondering how he is also. I hope we will be of a help to you as you go forward and no turning back because you can't right? Baby steps and hold on for just another minute when you think you can't go on just hold on and you will get through this.

Hugs and sending positive healing thoughts across the pond from Canada to you. Gentle Hugs. Pal Charry

in 2 weeks i see the consultant so i should know more then .i am not too good today as i went to ASDA and i was there for about 30 minutes .today i feel like i have ran a marathon
tony