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How to cope with my disease hurting others?

Good day

I'm new here but I have a major issue that I have been struggling to cope with: my pain and efforts to cope with it hurts those around me. They, mainly my wife and family, worry about me and try their best to help. I really appreciate them for that. 

That being said though, I struggle at times when I get bad periods. Being positive and happy isn't always possible and I slip into periods of depression, frustration and anger far more often than I would like. I hate that those I love end up suffering as well during these periods.

I guess I would just like some advice as to how I can get through these periods without causing those around me too much distress.

Thanks in advance.



  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,587
    What you are experiencing is completely normal for anyone dealing with spinal problems, especially when they turn to being chronic.
    Take a look at these Dealing with Pain and Depression
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
  • Archgerbil, Ron was spot on when he said This was normal. I truly wish All surgeons would have the patient and ther families go through a “ what to expect class” prior to their surgery. In researching, 90% of all patients experience some level of depression following spinal surgery! I know I went through a year and a half of a deep depression following mine. I was fortunate that I have a very understanding wife. Best advice I can give is to hang in there and know it will get better. Please don’t take it out on your wife and family. If the depresssion gets to bad, make a appointment with your family MD and see what they can do! Don’t dwell on what you can no longer do but dwell on what you can still do.......David


    Veritas-Health Forum Moderator

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  • Thank you for the advice, it was actually rather helpful! 

  • archgerbil, Just know most of us have gone through it. I found it helpful to come on this site and hear from others. Keep us posted!


    Veritas-Health Forum Moderator

  • memerainboltmemerainbolt IndianaPosts: 6,484

    I know what you are going through too. But my anxiety and depression led to anger and guilt. My PM doctor recommended I see a pain psychologist, which I did. And I still see him. The anxiety and depression has subsided and I've learned through his mindful teachings to be more aware of my feelings. 
    There are a lot of good articles on this forum you to read that could be helpful. As David said, come here to talk and vent, sometimes it will help.

    Veritas-Health Forum Moderator
    Please read my  Medical History
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  • Jerome001Jerome001 Cocoa Beach, FloridaPosts: 377

    I concur with what others have said about dealing with pain. Chronic pain changes you! I've never been patient but pain makes me more impatient and it's similar to a pot of water that is constantly simmering; it only take a little fuel to boil over. If you can find a counselor of some sort with training and experience in pain management that may help. For me, I did not find an answer other than trying to remember that others really don't get it. I tried to explain it to others but until you experience chronic pain I don't think you can understand. I hope you are seeing someone for your pain management.

  • I just wrote a similar post in the chronic pain forum.  I feel like I need to move out and deal with my condition alone.  I am doing everything right (counseling, PT, massage, exercise), but I'm still not managing the pain.  In fact I feel like the pain is managing me.  I don't take medication for pain because it makes me terribly nauseous and moody.  I hate spreading my pain to my wife. 

  • I’ve been in pain management over two years and am still trying to find the “right” medications.

    Please don’t give up and move out. That won’t solve anything.

    It sounds like if you can find a doctor who will be patient and try different medications you have the potential to be much better physically and psychologically.

    I refuse to give up on medications just because several haven’t helped.

    I have to keep at it until I find the right combination. 

    It’s unfortunate that loved ones don’t understand.

    Please know you aren’t alone on that. I struggle with the same thing.

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