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How to deal with partners chronic pain.

Hi there, at the moment I feel quite lost. My partner is 23 and he has a slipped disc in his neck and is now at the severe stage. He is in constant agony, he gets very angry very quickly and never wants to do anything. He sometimes says he wants to end it all, he feels like his life is over already. I try my absolute best to be positive and try to keep him happy but I struggle with depression and it is really starting to take it’s toll on me I am only 19. He doesn’t ever want to talk about it or go see someone. I am very unsure of what to do at this point. He is going for a total disc replacement under work cover but they are taking there time, it has been a year.Please any suggestions will help and I will take anything on board. I feel like I am not doing enough and that I am not the best person for him at this time. Thank you so much.



  • You sound like a caring and compassionate person.

    Did he get hurt at work? 

    Is that why surgery (or approval for surgery) is taking so long?

    I’ve heard good things about cervical disc replacements.

    You can help him by going to his appmts and supporting him and knowing that hopefully after he has the disc replacement he’ll be closer to the guy he was before the injury.

    Any more info you can provide on the injury would be helpful.

  • memerainboltmemerainbolt IndianaPosts: 6,473

    Hi ella54321!

    For one thing his life is not over. It sounds like he could just be beginning a good life with someone like you. At least you care enough to come here for help. If he is in that much pain he may need to get a second opinion. If this a workman's comp case he may need to get his own attorney to speed things up.
    You also have to do what's best for you or you won't be any good for either of you. 
    Take care and keep us posted.

    Veritas-Health Forum Moderator
    Please read my  Medical History
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  • Sorry about the limited information and thank you for your kind words. I go to absolutely every appointment with him and research everything. 

    He injured it at work while lifting a computer qnd thought it was his shoulder but it was his neck, slipped either the C5 or C6 disc in his neck. We went to one surgeon who insisted on a fusion and didn’t offer anything else so we got a second oppinion and discussed our options and went with a TDR which we preferred much better than a fusion. Everything is approved they are just taking there time and it is making me very frustrated. We can’t afford an attorney at the moment. It’s just what else could I possibly do from here, if I couls do the surgery myself I would haha. 

  • Most worker’s comp attorneys don’t charge anything up front. They only take a % if he ever receives money for his injuries.

    You may want to ask around to find a good attorney in your area.

  • @ella54321 it sounds like he is very lucky to have such a caring partner like you. I unfortunately didnt have any of that.. I echo what L4_L5 said about just being supportive and going to all the appointments. Once he gets surgery, just be there for him and do everything you can to keep him from needing to get up and do things. After my surgery, I ended up overdoing it a lot because the help I should have had wasn't there for me.. Keep your head up. Things will get better eventually

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  • just try to listen to him and calm him down, show you are there for him. yes, attending appointments with him really means a lot...it's not easy, and no one understands these situations and it seems you are understanding in this case.

  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,434
    I think you might want to read some of these and share it with him. All About Depression
    Especially when he talks about ending it all. Spinal problems, by now means dictate that a person can not do anything anymore. In fact he has a big edge, being young, the ability to recover from spinal problems and surgery are much greater than someone older.

    We have had a 25 year old professional hockey official, that had spinal disc fusion surgery and worked his way back to be able to officiate again. It took a lot of hard work and determination. But sometimes that is really needed, along with a Positive attitude and outlook on life.

    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
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