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[sad] :(

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,578
edited 02/23/2016 - 1:22 PM in Matters of the Heart
Booo. They finally gave me my date, and it's not until October 16th. I was hoping to have a nice Thanksgiving but... Looks like that's not gonna happen.

I know some people have to wait a lot longer, and some people have it a lot worse... I'm just being a baby and venting. Here's to another 6 weeks of sitting home and dwelling on how bored I am, and how much I hate not being able to work & stressing over bills and everything else.

I'm being unreasonable. I know I am. But venting makes me feel a little better. Some people have had back problems for as long as I have been alive. I am being selfish being sad over not being able to do anything fun with my boyfriend or son, and not being able to clean my house. There are a lot worse things than sitting at home in bed for most of the day, in a messy disgusting tornado of a house. I miss hiking, and camping, and going to visit family and being able to sit in a chair and chat for a while. Or muscle spasms keeping me awake. I'm just freakin tired. It sucks having to get up and take care of your child on only a few hours of interrupted sleep.

I think I'm just having a problem with stress. I'm on Wellbutrin SR 450mg a day because I was getting horrible chest pain everyday, and after multiple tests, they couldn't find anything physically wrong. I have so much drama going on right now... My extended family is really divided over money issues between my cousin and I, and she's starting so much drama... Refusing to accept my checks, harassing my landlord. I'm worried that he's going to get fed up and kick us out :( Everyone looks at me so condescendingly because I'm 22 and haven't worked for the past year and a half. I hate being judged. I have so much to do in the next two weeks to get my son ready for Kindergarten, and I am not even organized and that's a big mess. One of my kitties almost died this week... Severe anemia. That stressed me to the max. One of my other kitties just went missing. I had a jewelry party planned that I was looking forward to November 22, but from what I've heard, you shouldn't yet be sitting for hours a month in to recovery. I hope the lady isn't mad at me for canceling. I have like... 20 bucks for the next two weeks and I somehow have to get my son school uniforms by the 8th. Having drama with the BF, and feeling pretty alone lately. My son's father keeps blowing us off so I never have a day off to relax.. I know not all of this has to do with back problems, but I guess finding out I have to wait 6 more weeks to get this thing over with and start recovery just kind of pushed me over the edge.

I apologize for sounding ungrateful. I don't know why it makes me so sad, but it does. No one has to bother replying... I don't expect anything to think it's justified.. I know I'm being unreasonable. Just had to vent.


  • First, how you feel, is perfectly normal. You are undergoing a LOT of stress. I'm going out on a limb here to say most people don't have an Autistic son. Some people have never came across an Autistic person and have no idea what to do when they do see one. Second, you are 22! It is really hard to deal with having so many medical problems and only be a young woman. You have enough to deal with with a 5 yr old, again who is Autistic. You have every right to be stressed about every single thing you are stressed about. I am very sorry to hear about your cats :( It all seems to hit at the same time doesn't it? And about the job thing, if I had a normal job, I would have been out of work too. None of my bills would have been paid at all. I would have had to move home into my father's house etc. So, for you to be still having a life seperate from everything, is pretty amaizing to me! Do me a favor and after the vent period, start to look at one little thing in a positive way, and hopefully that will help you feel better. I went from running 5 days a week to barely being able to move at all anymore. I couldn't pick up my 3 year old daughter for a big hug nor could I play with her. The disappointment in her eyes that I couldn't interact with her is heartaching and depressing. Just this past week I got really depressed at the fact that my daughter barely sees me and when she does she only wants to play and I can't and she doesn't understand why. I have no energy whatsoever because I'm recovering from surgery, and she doesn't understand that this big booboo isn't like her booboo's that you put a band-aid and a kiss and it goes away. You just find the strength somehow to slowly move on each day.

    I am sorry if this offends anyone but if anyone here thinks poorly of you because they have had pain for longer they are a poor human being. Everyone here is to support each other. We may not go through the same exact experience but we do all go through the emotional rollercoaster whether its 20 years or 1 year. Stop thinking your unreasonable my dear because you are not! I hope this helps in your vent. Don't appologize for venting here because this is the best place to do it, where there are people who understand you the most!!

    Take Care and feel better soon. >:D<
  • certainly don't have to apologize for venting here. Yell, scream, cuss (well, with the little *&^^$#@$ characters). Whatever it takes. It's good that you have a date now. Not sure what procedure excactly you are having but you could possibly have a nice Thanksgiving. It's six weeks after your surgery so you should be getting around quite well if you just watch yourself. Just no BLT...bending lifting or twisting. Good luck!
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  • Thank you. Your post made me feel a lot better. It's not that I want other's to be miserable, too, but to know that other people feel as tired and whatnot is a comfort. It's hard with kids, you're right, they really aren't able to understand those kinds of "boo-boos." My son doesn't understand, either. He always wants to go to the park, or to the mall... And doesn't understand why we used to a lot and can't now. He doesn't understand too much to be independent. He's still in diapers, can't get his own food or drink, can't dress himself, can't really bathe himself... So he's still quite a bit of work. Luckily he starts Kindergarten September 8, and it's a longer day than full day preschool. That will give me somewhat of a break, and maybe if I have more time to rest without having to get up every 10 minutes, I could feel well enough to actually take him out after school.

    What kind of surgery did you have? I'm not sure what'd they call mine... They're removing the disc and putting cages with BMP through the front, then putting some instrumentation of some kind through the back....

    Thank you again... I really appreciate that you took the time to read my post, and even more so the time to reply. It means a lot :)
  • I'm hoping I can... I usually help my mom cook, which I doubt will happen this year... But maybe! Maybe we could find something I could do to help.

    I don't know exactly what procedure it is, either. I know the idea, just don't know the name. Not sure if the recovery is the same or different between going through the front, or going through the back..... or going through both. I haven't found too many people to talk to on here that have had both at the same time, but I can't imagine it would be all that much different... Still the same idea, just one extra incision.
  • I am so glad :D :D :D to know that my response made you feel better! You need some of that right now. And hey, you can always make home made mashed potatoes right? You can sit there and mash all the potatoes you want..I'm sure your family can eat more than usual this year ;) And if they didn't before, guess they'll have to this year huh?!?! :) You can always open the cans of something. Set up the table, and even have your son help with that so he feels useful if he is able to do those things. I'm sure with mommy's help he can!! :) As for my surgery I had Cervical Artificial Disc Replacement in C5-6. They sliced me open, went in, took the bad disc out, and put a metal one in. Any questions about the surgery and any of my post op stuff just ask and I'll tell all you wanna know!:) Again I'm super glad you are feeling a little better. And I don't remember if I mentioned but I am only 2years older than you, so I do know what it's like to be a young person dealing with all this!!
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  • Hi lo419,

    I was sat in tears reading your post. I know the pain of having a bad back. I know the pain of not being able to have my own kids, had emergency hysterectomy when I was 30 due to gynae cancer so as someone said look for a positive to help you feel better. Your son i sa precious gift. My best friend has 3 autistic kids, aged 8,7 and 4 and they are a handful, but they are loved so much, and they love to spend time with me. The middle child wrote me a card - telling me that I was her best friend and that she loved me. When I have my down days I read the card and think that I am lucky to have that child in my life. She makes me feel loved.

    You are a strong woman and we are all here for you. This place is a great source of encouragement and support.

    I hope my post isnt upsetting, I certainly didnt mean it to sound that way if it did, but your son does love you. A smile, a hug can say a 1000 words.

    As for thanksgiving we will try and work out what you can do, as someone said lay the table with your sons help, veg prep etc.

    Take care and if you fancy a chat come into the chat room.

    Luv n hugs Danni
  • It isn't easy being a mom.
    It certainly can't be easy having an autistic child.
    It's not easy dealing with
    no job,
    family problems,
    pet problems,
    money problems

    Being young as you are and all of the above at once PLUS back pain has got to be incredibly difficult. There's no shame in venting once in a while. We're all here to support each other when no one else will listen.

    Hang in there! Hopefully after your surgery things will turn around.
  • Thank you so much :) Your post did not upset me at all. It's so nice to hear from caring people. I honestly don't know too many... Sadly. It's nice to have a good reminder that there ARE still people out there who care about others...

    I appreciate it very, very, very much :)
  • thank you :)

    i am very grateful for this forum and the wonderful people in it :)
  • Your signature is very fitting :D
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