I just returned to work today after nearly a month off with my back. I had a month off in January too, same thing, only this last time was much worse. My manager has referred me to occupational health for a 'formal' assessment, to see if I am fit for my job. I sit at a computer for my whole working day and my doc has said it is making my back worse, but hey, there are bills, and the mortgage to pay. My employers have already been very good to me, getting me a fancy chair to help support my back, but it hasn't helped. I know myself, my back is made worse by my work, but today just made me feel so useless, like I am being put on the scrapheap. If I am found unfit for my job, they may help me find another (I work in the NHS) but what if they find me unfit for work completely? I have felt so upset at work today, I phoned my hubby at lunchtime in tears. If I have to leave my job we will have to sell our home to reduce our mortgage. I suppose it could be a good thing, and if I change my job my back may not trouble me so much, but who knows? It is such a worry, on top of all this pain. People at work today have sort of looked at me funny, I know they think there is nothing to see, so how can I be ill?
They have no idea, do they, unless they have suffered themselves.
There, sorry for the rant, but I do feel better now. I know there are people much worse off than myself, but I just feel so low at the moment, with all this uncertainty.
Thanks for listening.
I injured my thoracic spine when I was 9 years old. 17 years later I started getting 'stuck' and x-ray showed previous Scheurrmans disease and degeneration. I have managed with strong pain killers since then (past 20 years). Now much worse. I suffer from excruciating spasms and latest x-ray shows spondylosis. Nagging GP for MRI but not had one yet. Taking Diazepam for spasms, diclofenac for inflammation, and co-dydramol for pain. I eat painkillers, ha! Without my meds I'd not be able to move.