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Family Ties - How do we keep from driving them away?

Alex P. Keaton May have not been understood by his family, but nevertheless, they were a family “dependent” upon one another. When one of them hurt, it didn’t matter if no one understood, or even agreed, They just stuck together because they loved each other. They understood.They shared Family Ties!

I often find myself, in an effort to just stay sane, mostly during times of max pain, that I find myself unknowingly moaning, or at the worst of times even at the worst of times lashing out at the pain itself in anger, and one of my loved ones notices, not EVERY time, but here and there, time and time again, until you wonder if they are just sick of you. Most of the time, you hide it. But eventually...

So, how do those of us with chronic pain keep from driving our loved ones away as we navigate the pain pathway and still keep our “family ties”? I have my way. What’s yours?

(Sorry for the parallelism. I was gunna rant, but chose this route instead. Sue me!)

Glen - Ps 20

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Comments

  • Glen,The first year after my forced retirement, I was very depressed to say the least. I felt I had lost my identity. Friends you had slowly by slowly stopped coming around. Your hobbies you once enjoyed, sat in the garage gathering dust.As the once full beer cans started piling up. I thought many times of just saying goodby as I felt useless to everyone. My forced retirement wasn’t pretty to begin with and I held that anger in for a long while. But one day I looked in the mirror and didn’t even recognize the man looking back at me. If it wasn’t for my wife I never would have even tried to get out of the hole that I had dug around me. Slowly I climbed out and began living a new life. I put my faith back where it should have stayed.. The beer cans disappeared never to be seen again and I actually started to rebuild myself. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. I accepted my chronic pain and limitations. I still have some anger at times over the forced retirement but like pain, I don’t let it control me. I have a great wife who has stood beside me in the worst of times and never gave up on me. No, I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone but in a lot of ways it made me stronger!.....David

    DavidG

    Veritas-Health Forum Moderator

  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,528

    Glen, I think what you feel at times is something  so many people living in chronic pain feel.   We all realize that there are pills we can take when we have the physical pain, but when it comes to the emotional pain, there really isnt that one magic pill.

    You might want to take a look at   All about Depression and Coping

    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
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  • memerainboltmemerainbolt IndianaPosts: 6,399

    I think my husband is used to it. All of the little moans and big sighs, laying across the dinning room table to stretch. He doesn't ask "are you hurting" anymore, he knows I am. But that doesn't mean he doesn't care. Does it drive him away, no. He is my caregiver and I don't know what I would do without him.

    Sandra
    Veritas-Health Forum Moderator
    ---------------------------------------------------------------
    Please read my  Medical History
  • You are truly blessed!

  • David, I can relate, brother. I can relate!
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  • So, I guess it’s just me!

  • Glen, I don’t think it’s just you. I think you share a lot in common with a lot of us. I know sometimes especially on the bad days, I feel Iike I’m alone in this. As far as family goes. There is no way any of my family or few friends really know how I feel inside. I always think, if they could walk in my shoes and feel my pain and thoughts that they might understand. But it would take more then 5 minutes for them to truly understand. I could be in a crowd of a 100 people but yet I still feel alone. I know most members probably feel the same. But I always tell myself each day before I get out of bed, I can make this a good day or a bad day! But have to admit, some days my body makes the decision for me. Hang in there my friend.....David

    DavidG

    Veritas-Health Forum Moderator

  • Thnx D. I just see myself pushing everyone away when I’m in pain, when all I want and need is for them to be closer than ever! I try to hold it all in, but I just don’t understand the simple stuff. I’ll figure it out, always do!

  • Glen

    This all comes down to acceptance, the first person to accept your pain is you, that is the hard part of all this, I have been dealing with some form of pain for 32 years, the last 5 have been the worst, your body and mind go into a mourning stage, you still want to do all of the thing's you used to, but you can't, once you accept that and find the thing's you can still do and enjoy or new thing's that bring enjoyment, it becomes somewhat easier, you also have to remember that friends and family need time to adjust to the new you, family and true friends that truly love you will always be there, but you still have to treat them with respect, even on your worst days, that can be the hard part.

    Chip 

    challenger
    Veritas-Health Moderator


  • memerainboltmemerainbolt IndianaPosts: 6,399

    Glen

    Chip put it so well. Acceptance, what we can't do anymore. Then you look for what you can do and enjoy doing.
    I loved riding my Harley, 4 wheeler and yard tractor. Those were my passions. But they are gone now but gained acceptance of what I have wrong and moved on. 
    When someone ask my husband how I am doing, it is usually, when is she going to get better. He tells them she's not but would enjoy a visit from you. Well, that never happens because they think all I will talk about is my pain. Sound familiar?

    Please take care and let us know how you are doing.

    Sandra
    Veritas-Health Forum Moderator
    ---------------------------------------------------------------
    Please read my  Medical History
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