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pissed off hate what they done to my husband

elviseelvis Posts: 79
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:23 AM in Depression and Coping
i am sitting here and drinking which i would never do in the week my husband as ddd and is in a lot of pain and no one will lesson iwe have been every were to get help but know one as done yet the pheso told him if it hurts when he walks to sit down wfere every he is and wait five min and them get up and start again he as to do this every 10 min how can you do this every time you go out were we work dont help ever they have lost the form that we needed to clain so he get his wages for the time he is off so now we have to worry about that i am now on tablets to help me with the stress and depression i am going through it dont help when i keep crying all the time so i am not at work as well now so mode stress about money i dont noe how much more pain he can take
i need some help here please with what to do


  • :''( Elvis im so genuinely sorry to hear what you and your husband are going through, pain,money worries,depression..it all takes its toll and its hard coping.........i dont know what to say except for drinking wont help, it will only make matters worse..i know u know that and probably thinking i dont need to hear that but its true... i hope things get better,i really do....you will be in my prayers tonight.......... :|
  • I'm so sorry things have taken such a bad turn for you and your husband. Just remember that there is always something that can be done.
    You said that you lost the claim form for your husband's work. Is there a reason that you can't get another form? If you can help the money situation a little perhaps the stress will go down a bit for both of you.
    I agree with vivavegas, drinking isn't the answer and will make you more depressed. Time to put down the bottle and take the bull by the horns! You didn't explain why he isn't getting the help he needs, can you explain it further so that we can make suggestions?

    Hang in there, things can get better, okay?

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  • Elvis, what you need to do is, firstly stop drinking,stay off the tablets roll back the tears and get on with it, why cant you take a grip and go to work stop crying be positive and understand life is hard and its up to you now to support the family and work.
    I have had DDD and a whole lot more over the last four years and after 16 months off work with no money thats hard, my wife went back to work and kept the family, why cant you? thankfully I am now in the postion to return to work and will do in the next few weeks, one more visit to burn off the nerve endings and all things are go, go, go.
    If my wife can do it so can you.
    I wish you and your husband all the very best, work it out and get on with it.

  • hi yea my name is carol
    thank you for your replys
    my husband as ddd and i dont now what i can do for him with the pain he goes for Physical Therapy evry week and the have given him 6 exercise to do every day but the pain his there all the time and when we go for a walk his foot goes numb as well he as told the Physical Therapy this and she said that its part of getting better when he does the exercise he can feel some thing rubbing in his back and the pain then today he went out to buy a paper this morring and he came back in quite a lot of pain and had to sit down for a while i dont now if this is noramal for this to happen with ddd could someone please tell me if the rubbing in the back and the foot going numb is what should happen

    hi went to the physio today with my husband and i was not happy with what she was saying we asked for the mri and she still said no that he dont need it she also said that the pain was in his mind but i know its not when asked what did she mean she said that the pain goes to the brain and that he needs to stop the pain waves going to the brain i still dont ungerstand what she means but i bet if she had the pain she would know it was rell also when we told her that his foot gones numb she said that was a good thing How can that be a good thing she also said when this happens to sit down for a few min and then get up and start again but that would mean he would have to stop evety 10 mins cause that how long he can walk these days as you can see were are getting now were fast he was also told today by his work doc that if he dont get his back going again he will have to leave his job i am being ther efor him evey step of the way but i am very pissed off with the doc and physio and i and stressed and deprest as well i am on tablets for this as it hard for a wife to see there husband go through this for 5 month now how some of you on here have been going through this for years i dont know how you cope
    sorry this as been a long one but i just need to talk
    and i know that i should stop drinking and go back to work but i am having lots of problems there with my boss and all the thing that he say to me about sex so you see that why i cant go back to work yet because off all the stress i am having i am more worryed about my husband at the moment then work
    thanks carol
  • Carol,

    you have my sympathy for having a husband who is ill, but his DDD they can do something for. My husband is ill, he has a muscle wasting condition. For him to walk any distance he uses a wheelchair, short and I mean short he uses a cane. So celebrate your husband can walk.

    Stress? yep been there done it. Lay off the alcohol, its a depressant and if you suffer from depression you are making the problem 10 times worse.

    Be pro-active. Make a list of things that need doing to improve your situation.

    So far I have come up with:
    Get off the booze, seek help from a support group if you need to.
    Get another form.
    Get advice about the work situation, especially if your boss is sexually harassing you. He can't do that! (he can as he is, but he is wrong for doing it)
    Go through the list I have already said to make.
    Make a diary, write down the good and bad. When you re-read what you have written see it as written by a friend - offer that friend advice (yes you will then be helping yourself - you have control and thats great)

    Trust me I know exactly where you are coming from about being depressed, and feeling everything is going against you. I had 2 days like that this week, I wanted to do nothing else but cry but I knew that wouldnt solve anything. I made my list, and I worked through it - the feeling of seeing issues/problems being ticked off/erased was great.

    My situation isnt great but it really could be so much worse. I had to make phonecalls to people I owe money to, I explained my situation and they have come up with a payment plan - they cant help if they dont know that there is an issue. These guys are human too.:D

    Sorry this is a long post, I really feel your pain, and thta of your husband, but take control, work through the issues and trust me, you will get there.

    Love and hugs
    Danni xoxo
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  • thanks dannik but i have tryed ringing people that we have to pay money to and asked can we pay so mush a month and some were ok but some have said no that they want it all in one go i am trying to deal with my drinking and some days i will stop then i have a bad day and it starts again i hate when i just sit there and cry and i dont know why the gp as given me citalopram for my Depression and zimovane to help me sleep but i dont think that they are working as i still feel the same way i have started a claim about my boss so hope that will help me as well thanks for your help
  • Carole,
    Your husband has you to help him, and standing by while watching the one you love in pain and feeling helpless is not easy and something that one has to have some experience to fully understand. Our PM residential gave support to carer’s, in acknowledgement to the difficult task caring for someone can be on a continual basis.

    The ripples of chronic pain by implication expand from the patient and soon reach all those around, emotionally psychologically and physically at times. The key thing is to help yourself, depression can take time to develop and as a carer you have given your all in support and are now in need of some support and encouragement yourself.

    I have been depressed and so has my wife as a carer also, worrying about the unknown future and wishing you could do more. Many here had or have your husbands symptoms and we are all willing to help and be supportive, “pissed off ” is how we all feel at time and really captures the essence of frustration and angst about what is happening.

    They are not saying that the pain is not real or that the origin of its creation is in our heads, the pain is real and we are thinking of the impacts in our heads as consequence, we hear those words used over and over and the emphasis although correct is being explain incorrectly.

    Perhaps if you could help him you would feel better about yourself, keep a pain diary look at times when the pain is worse and the medication and volumes used, find out what works for him and what does not, I do understand his life becomes 15 min episodes of activity before additional rest is needed, you sit then stand, sleep may not give any relief. The more things you try the sooner a specific strategy for you will develop.

    As a patient it was my responsibility to assist my wife as a carer wherever possible to stay well, it was never my intention to burden her sufficiently to contribute to her depression and I have learned over time to be closely attentive to the whole situation and we have both coped as a consequence.

    Carole, you are doing a good job in difficult and challenging home and work circumstances and you will improve over time, good luck to you both and some good advice from other posters here.

    Take care and keep posting and be kind to yourself.


  • hi i would like to say thank you for your replys and i am feel a little better today i am going to try and not drink as much but when i have a bad day it just get to me i hate see my husband in pain and not being able to do anything like he used too do

    but we will get there in the end and i hope i can get off this drink and be my self again with out taking tablets as well

    thanks again all off you
  • Carol,

    Everyone is giving you good advice. Please hang in there and both you and your husband work on improving the things you can improve. Stop drinking because this will be worse then your husbands pain if you keep it up. Believe me because I have two family members who have had problems with drinking. One has stopped for years and the other is still drinking. Try copying everything and anything that you do relating to your husband. This way if someone loses a form you can supply a duplicate. When you talk to anyone on the phone, get the persons name and write down the date, and time you spoke and what was said. Documentation is very helpful. I think you are on the right track in trying to get your husband an MRI. Maybe he needs a new doctor, someone who will take this more serious. Without the MRI it is difficult to know exactly what the damage to his back is and what could or should be done.

    Good luck
  • Carol,

    Have been thinking of you today. You are in a hard situation, one thats very familiar though to my husband and I as I was his carer until I got sick and then we have had to muddle through things together. At times this has been very frustrating, especially when his health took a nosedive, he didn't want to admit how ill he felt as he didn't want to worry me. I told him as his wife I already knew he wasn't well, I was just waiting for him to tell me.

    Take each day as it comes, some days are good, some days are so bad you want to stay in the safety of your own bedroom.

    There was a prayer, I think its called the Serenity Prayer and its very apt.
    God grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I cannot change;
    courage to change the things I can;
    and wisdom to know the difference.

    Living one day at a time;
    Enjoying one moment at a time;
    Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
    Taking, as He did, this sinful world
    as it is, not as I would have it;
    Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will;
    That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

    Each day you spend together is a day to celebrate and rejoice, as so many people are lonely and don't have that someone special in their lives thats loves and adores them.

    We are proud of you Carol, we are here for you to offer you any help and guidance that you feel you need.

    Take care
    Love and good wishes to you and your husband
    Danni xoxo

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