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i will be sooo happy when i die



  • with shame i admit, i have tried myself in 2003. I was hopeless, helpless, felt like no one cared, or even tried. Failed marriage, failed career..... basically just a failure in general. i woke up in hospital, completely strapped to my bed, with hoses coming out of me everywhere in phsyc ward. In short, it's a miracle i don't have brain damage, and even survived. But what i put my family through was and is not worth it. I never thoughts of suicide, i just did it. Even though i struggle everyday to keep going, i thank God i am still here, simply because of what i would of missed, and the pain and suffering that would of happened if i was successful. One of the hardest thing i have ever had to do was to see my sister taken off of life support Feb 13, 2006. She is my best freind, and the rest of my family could not do it. I held her hand as her life passed, and to this day i still grieve, because she was the one who truely cared, and had the biggest heart I have ever seen. She died due to complications of schleroderma, yet stayed strong to the end. To this day, the only comfort we have as a family is that she is not suffering anymore, but we are. That is the reality, those left behind continue to suffer. I suffer because i miss her so much, and i always will. It's not a matter of if a crisis happens in our life, just a matter of when, and how we handle it.
  • >:D< >:D< >:D< after reading your post it had me in tears, but it also shows no matter how hard life gets, life still goes on . you are an inspiration >:D< >:D< ;)

    Angie x
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  • I have considered the odds of being dead or alive. But I remember when I used to hate one of my aunts. And on this certain day 12 years ago, she played a Yanni cd in her car. I loved it. Even as a young teen! Even though I still dont get along with her, I still to this day listen to Yanni. Then I think of all the subtle ways my life has changed another's. I have been a medic for 6 years and Army for 7. Now I cant do either one. I sucks because thats all I know how to do. But I know that my life has purpose even if it changes on life for the better. I dont consider death as an option. Just something that might happen someday. Because I live by my saying.
    ****My impact on others can last a lifetime.
    Will it be a positive or a negative one?****
    And if I were to kill myself, it would have so many negative impacts on others, from friends and family, to the EMS, fire and police personel that will have to be involved.
    So just remember, on any action you take whether it will be negative or positive will impact someones life.
  • Martha,
    As I've mentioned before, I too have had these same exact thoughts. But how can I do that on purpose? My beautiful and loving husband lost is equally beautiful 20 year old son in a car accident 18 years ago. It's something that never should have happened. I loved this young man with all of my heart and to this day my heart remains broken because of it. I can't even imagine how my husband feels. What a waste of life! To have it taken without any choice at such a young age. Who are we to throw it away on purpose? When I'm feeling especially low I think about the children who are in cancer wards around the country fighting and for many, losing the battle for life. If they can do it, and with such little complaint, then why can't we fight for our own lives a little harder? Could any of us look one of those children in the eye and say "it's too hard"?

    What an honor it must have been to be able to hold your sisters hand during the most important time in her life. What a treasure that you will always have. If only we could all share the same experience. Bless you.
  • Has anyone thought maybe this person is just yanking our chain? They do only have two posts. Just an observation from being on multiple forums.
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  • We have had a few posts like this, where no one returns to let us know they are ok. All we can do really is send our support, and hope that this person is truly ok.

    I guess I'd rather read a prank, then think of other reasons why this person doesn't come back and tell us they're ok.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,526
    and we have seen it here already.
    This person is a seasoned Spine-Health member.
    In fact she is a very smart and talented young lady.
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
  • Ron, have you tried to contact her?
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,526
    her several times over the past 18 months. Like I said, she is a very smart person. Have to leave it at that
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
  • i have also had these thoughts and even if this is a prank it's something we all think about every now and then and i think it is helpful to address these thoughts on here. I read thru all the posts and it made me stonger just by taking a couple minutes to learn how people keep faith and hope alive when times are tough. It is something I am stuggling with because chronic pain is extremely frustrating and sad. We must remain strong together, and talking about the hard stuff is how we can accomplish something positive.
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