May be a common theme this week... I know the pain gets to all of us, mentally, and we work through it and move on (or try to). Lately its been harder and harder. I feel like I spend an extraordinary amount of time thinking about managing pain: medications, adjusting dosages, moving meetings at work so I can get in to phys therapy. Planning my life - commuting at a time when I can get a seat on the train (because standing for 20 minutes is truly painful). Always having a tagline for why I can't drink at various festivities, etc etc.
I've doubled my nerve pain med to the maximum daily dose and I'm still having pain (it was an effective medication just a couple of months ago). I have a second nerve pain med and I'm going to talk to my surgeon about increasing that one as well. The phys therapy gives me very temporary relief, and I am still not able to get any aerobic exercise due to the stenosis. I'm struggling. I know others have it way worse than me, but I live inside this body and more and more I'm hating it.
The idea of surgery scares me because it is no guarantee, I could end up worse off. Yet living like this is making me feel like I just go through the motions. I'm not really "living."
Does this make sense? Anyone else ever feel this way? How do you overcome it?
Jan 2009 L5-S1 ALIF
May 2017 ALIF L4-L5 with PLF rods added L4-L5-S1