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If you think; you’re the only one affected by your chronic pain –YOU’RE mistaken!

jj-from montrealjjj-from montreal Posts: 60
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:24 AM in Chronic Pain
Take my word for it, everybody around you is affected.

In my experience it is crucial that everybody without exception; parents grandparents children – (significant other) who ever is directly involved in your immediate life Have a sit down with your pain doctor and have them ask any question they want, and let the doctor answer, believe you me it carries a lot more weight if the same words came from a doctors mouth, then yours.
I remember some of the question; my parents both in the seventies asking the doctor if I’m going to become a drug addict, My son asked if I was going to die, my wife just simply asked;
“Please tell me when am I going to get my husband back?”.
I will be honest with you; it was not easy for me to sit back and listen to them, to see the desperation on their faces. I never realized how much it affected them.
You know something; at the end of the day, my pain situation did not change, however;
Now when I take my pain killers in front of my parents Im not questioned any more, when I have one of my flair ups and my pain levels are extreme my kids know, this will not kill me( leaving toys on the floor so I could trip over them will)
As for my wife, well let us just say; we are optimistic.
Understanding the situation with the “right” information is, one of the most important step in the recovery process
Remember; as bad as you feel a hug goes along way, they need it.

Keep smiling
A little back ground;
I’m a 48yrs old male, I have moderate to severe chronic pain everyday of my life for the past10 years,
I was diagnosed with sever stinosis in the neck, severe D.D.D
At 37 I had to have a lamanectomy from C3 to C7 inclusive, do to herniated disc that affected my spinal cord. The doctors have made it very clear that there is real nothing left to try, medically.
Presently I can not feel with my hands, no sensation, I have pain from my head to my toes. I have been on every type of pain medication and all stopped working after a while
Now I take Lyrica and and medical marijuana
(My advice to the world ,” acceptance, never give up, keep your self occupied . get physiological help, just to put things into prospective. Try to smile)


  • Hi JJ,
    When I had my first neck surgery, my surgeon required my husband to meet with him. And the seriousness of the situation was explained. My husband tends to joke and laugh at everything.... My subsequent surgeries I have been alone.My little girl is well aware of my back troubles and pain. I constantly remind her that I'm ok. You apparently have a relationship with good communication and cooperation. I, on the other hand, do not. My husband's regular response to any of my issues is " what do you want me to do about it?". And unfortunately, when a child watches one of the parents treat the other with little or no concern, they tend to imitate that. My mom's reaction is to remind me of the type of work I've done my entire life. So you have an exceptional situation , to me anyway. And I am glad for you!
    Because it sucks to deal with it all alone. And your family is fortunate to have someone , who, even though is suffering, is concerned about how they are doing!
    Wish there were more like you! Feel better and take care
  • Yes, when the words come out of the doctor's mouth, they tend to carry more weight. My husband can't make it to my appts, so I have to relay information. He's a comedian too, but when it comes to back problems, he knows due to having it himself. Everybody is sympathetic and supportive, even now that is obvious that I am not going to be the same physically anymore. My family is frustrated and wants me to get better, but they don't want me to subject myself to procedures that have barely a guarantee.
    I said once that I might just have to adjust to how I am, and learn to live differently.
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  • Thanks for sharing that with us.
  • Knowledge is definately power. I think many of us have spouses, friends, coworkers, whathaveyou that are curious but do not wish to "butt in". Information in my opinion is good to have and give out to the people close to you. If they can sit down with you doc, even better. I for one am very interested in my back health and so research alot and know alot from the 10 years I have been dealing with it. It is good to remember that the layperson does not have as much knowledge about it as I do.

    Thanks again for sharing and I am happy that you family is willing to consider your feelings!

    One Love,

  • I have been in chronic severe pain for almost a year and a half. Those closest to me (including my grown children) just cant take seeing me suffer so. I am transparent to them. If the pain is almost unbearable you can't hide it, and they don't know how to help so they run.
    Any ideas.
    Less pain to you all, Eric
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  • My husband at first was the same way. He would just say I don't know what to do for you and he pretty much ignored me. He didn't know how to deal with it. He grew up with a mother that was always complaining about her pain so he is pretty much numb to anyone with pain. He is starting to come around although the other day when I asked him to take me to the ER he really dragged his feet and acted put out by the whole thing. We are getting counciling now and hopefully he will get on board and stop pretending my pain doesn't exist. He did get angry the other day but he explained he is not angry with me but angry with what the pain has done to our lives. I can cope with that, its a step in him acknowlegeing my pain. This has been one of the toughest years we have had and we have had some pretty tough years.
  • You could be telling MY story! It's the same thing at my house, minus the complaining mother. We don't really talk very much and it seems like the only thing I know to talk about is how crappy I feel. I don't want to sound like a complainer to him, but pain is what I know about, 24/7. I noticed that he is 'looking' depressed to me and I don't know how to help him. Since I have been hurt I have gained quite a bit of weight and I know that it bothers him because the woman he fell in love with was thin and fun! It seems that no matter how hard I try, I can't shed the weight. Maybe hypnotherapy?! Plant the idea in my head that "food is bad", just until I'm able to lose some weight! lol ">image
    I guess I'll keep to my computer therapy, for now. I'm open to any ideas to help the relationship between my husband and I. I really would like to fix things, as much as I can anyway.
    OK, back to the chores...">image
  • It is so frustrating because my husband didn't "buy in" to a broken wife. I used to be fun but I just can't get there due to the pain. I feel a little abandonded because he did tell me that although he is going to be there for me he does need to have a life outside of this dark place we are now. It really made me feel bad at first but he is right, just because I can't do things I shouldn't expect him to sit around the house and wait for me to get better.

    He joined a Corvette Club recently and I was rather upset by it. They meet up twice a month for dinner and so far I have been unable to go, but he goes and I encourage it now.

    I am hopeful that this is just a "season" and soon I will be back to some sort of a normal life. There really is no other way to look at it. It is what it is right now.
  • My husband has to handle me like fine china. He likes to snuggle, but I often head him off at the pass because I'm afraid he may cause pain by accident. He's super careful rubbing my back, and he know to stay away from where the sciatic nerve runs. It's really sad.
    I have to be waited on because I'm slow, I take long to get dressed ( I don't want to look like how I feel), and I need help with this or that. Sometimes I feel like I run my family ragged because they have to pick up my slack. I used to have high expectations and it was hard to let go. I wanted everything perfect. Now I just wait for a couple weeks til the carpet gets vacuum. People want to relax on weekends, not do strenuous chores.
    I guess everyone here is getting used to this new way of home life, and having to help mom with things. I taught my kids how to use the washer and dryer, vacuum, and dishwasher. I see it this way- these are necessary skills they need for when they go out on their own.
    My husband has lots of hobbies to keep him entertained and his stress at bay too.
  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,732
    My wife is a rock and I have 1 brother that suffers chronic pain from back surgery also. But my grown children and all the rest that are close to me. Well..... you just put it into words for me. I am transparent to them. And I don't blame them as it's not that they don't care. They care very much. But I guess this is their way of dealing with it. My idea for you, me, and all the rest of us is STOP trying to understand it. That leads to massive depression. And Just learn to ACCEPT IT. It may become easier with time.
    Good luck, Jim
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
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