I just wanted to ask those of you that are on disability or are applying for it...how or when did you let go and admit to yourself and everyone else that you just can't make it anymore going to work?
I'm 12 weeks postop from an ALIF L4/L5. I still have a moderate bulge at L3/L4 with nerve root displacement that he didn't touch. I've had pain everyday since surgery except for a Fri/Sat/Sun about in the middle of the 12 weeks. I don't know why I had no pain those days, but I wish whatever it was would allow that again! I'm fighting really hard to continue my routine, getting up sore and stiff at 6am, getting ready, getting two kids ready and on the bus, driving an hour to work with heated seats and on my pain meds, then working 8 hours sitting on my back, getting up every hour or so and hobbling to the bathroom and walking down the hall, then driving an hour home, picking up kids at day care and band practice and then getting something for dinner or cooking quickly, then laundry, homework, bed. It was hard before my back got bad, but now it's even harder.
My left leg is still weak after the surgery. I can't get out of the car on it alone, I have to swivel and get out on both feet. I have to lift it up to put it into the car once I get sat down.
I'm so afraid to let go and apply for disability retirement and my option LTD and SSDI. I'm afraid they won't see my condition as disabled. I know you have to wait 5 months before applying for SSDI and your doctors have to say you are disabled. But what is disabled? Do you have to be in a wheelchair? Can you still grocery shop and hobble around? To me my job of programming and sitting for 8 hours, seems like it would be hard to say I can't do that anymore, but it kills me.
I'm really confused and probably not saying the right things. I'm just so tired of clawing my way thru the days to survive and live and work.