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STOCK MARKET DEFINITIONS

jeauxbertjjeauxbert Posts: 926
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:24 AM in Lighten and Brighten
The most correct definitions ever!


CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6-to-18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use
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Comments

  • I like your outlook!
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod
    erator

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • yeah, Buy and Hold for long term investment..
    I held a stock from the low many years ago to the now record low today. I thought it was supposed to increase..But I also bought enron stock years ago to hold and ended up with a big fat zero...:B jade
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  • =)) =)) =)) great list!!! thanks
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