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treated inhumanely. doctors, pharmacist. no one will help

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,578
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:24 AM in Chronic Pain
i filled an rx for oxycontin at walgreens 2 days ago. i never felt so humiliated. i'm still shaking. i've had no life in 10 years, since pain began. when the clerk took the script to the pharmacist, they began snickering. i cannot sit nor stand longer than 5 minutes without pain. i politely asked how long it would take. the pharmacist yelled at me to sit down. i sat for 2 minutes and then tried to ask again, but i never got the chance to explain that i wanted to pick up the meds the next day if it was going to be a half an hour.

i just went through a very traumatic break-up and was dumped off at my parents after moving to ca. i had told my 'fiance' that i had chronic pain and that moving was the worst thing for me. he said he would take care of me. well, the house was filled with black widows and filth and instead of resting like i needed, i was forced to fill holes in the walls, etc... i was bit on the knee the first week. then we were evacuated due to a fire. long story short, he was the kind of guy that wanted to be seen as nice, so instead of telling me that it wasn't working out due to my 'limitations'--he had mentioned a couple of times that he wanted someone that could sit and listen to music at bars for a few hours and he knew that i couldn't do that before i moved--so he did the worst thing he could do.

it probably sounds crazy. i am so ashamed, but i have contacted attorneys and now the anger at him has turned inward. when i asked him what he had decided to do about us since he was lying about his ex-wife all the time, he said he didn't think it would work due to my pain. that would have been okay with me, but it didn't stop there. instead, he got angry, like he was angry that i had pain, like it was my fault that i had disappointed him. he pushed me when he was leaving the room. i said 'how dare you' and tried to slap him. i guess i did exactly what he wanted, even though i missed, as he called 911 and lied ot the police, told them that i was on narcotics and neglected to tell them that he had been drinking. when they questioned us, his ten-year-old daughter was there, and i told the police that i didn't remember whether he had shoved me with two hands, etc. when the cop questioning me left, i overheard him telling the other cop that i had 'hit' him. he used the word hit again and again. i was in bed resting, mind you, when he came in to talk. i'm pretty thin 5'7 and 112 pounds and he's 6 ft and 200. i've never hit anyone. but i had survived a domestic abusive marriage--which i believe caused the chronic pain in the first place--and swore that no one would ever physically abuse me again. hence, i did react by saying 'how dare you' and trying to slap him, like katherine hepburn would.
well, they handcuffed me, since he told them i was on narcotics. i still have nightmares and have not gotten over the feeling of filth and criminal that spending 6 hours in jail left me. he posted bail and the next days were a haze. i think i went crazy. i already have post-trauma-stress disorder and all of a sudden my surviving domestic abuse turned into me being an abuser. i kept telling him to build a time machine so i could forget. i still can't stop obsessing about it.

the worst part was that i had two great doctors. a pain therapist and a pain doctor who actually spent a lot of time with me telling me that when someone is in a state of anxiety and panic, the chemicals in the body go nuts and no amt. of pain medicine will make the pain go away. it made sense. i didn't believe that my fiance would do it, but he told me to leave after i had just moved into the main house with him 5 days prior, after awakening with about 800 ants crawling all over me and in my bed. i had been living in the guesthouse because the ex-wife calling constantly was hard to deal with.

anyway, this is a long story, i know, and i'm getting to why the pharmacy thing was so distressing. i'm feeling very suicidal at this point. i'm sorry. my ex-fiance had written a letter to the DA telling most of the truth, that he didn't tell police that he had been drinking, that he wasn't hurt, that i had attempted to slap him inself-defense after he had pushed me, and that he called 911 because he wanted to teach me a lesson. he said that twice. i still don't know what the lesson was.

maybe he thought that his admission, which he wrote the day after would get him in trouble, but suddenly he told me that i had to leave. i was already suicidal from being in jail and falsely accused. he put a tow on his truck and put my car on it. i went into denial. i kept saying, you're not going to just drive me to my parents in nv. i was literally on my knees begging him for mercy, telling him that i needed time to think, that i didn't have a doctor in nv anymore as i had left. and i had thought that with the therapist and bio-feedback and the new doctors i could maybe have a semblance of a life.

my ex didn't say anything. the next morning, he started stuffing my stuff in the truck roughly until i started getting scared and helping so things wouldn't break. i kept begging for him to take me to a hospital so i could think, as i was still in shock from being falsely arrested. they had not rejected the charges as yet, and i wish i had been thinking more clearly as i would've known that he had confessed that he pushed me first and that i hadn't even slapped him, but only tried in response. but i was too scared and shocked. he told me that if i didn't go to nv, he would get me in more trouble. after him lying to the police once, i was really scared. the thought of being in jail without a temperpedic bed and all the other acoutrements i need for pain was too scary. so i got in the car and was in unbearable pain for 7 hours drive and was dumped at my 80 year old parents' home like unwanted trash.

ever since, i have been to 5 pain mgt. doctors and none of them want me. no one wants to help. i guess it was bad timing. my general practitioner, who i went to after the pain clinic that i had been a patient of -- on and off -- since 2002, left a message saying they would not treat me anymore and to see my general practitioner. i am on a large dose of pain meds and had been on the same amt. for over 2 years. 240 mg. of oxycontin, along with breakthrough meds.

the pain doctors i went to were in shock. i cannot get my old pain doctor to call me back and give me a reason for why they refused to see me anymore. and the trauma of what my ex-fiance did is still causing me horrible nightmares and anxiety which makes the pain worse.

two doctors didn't even bill me, one of which argued with me with the whole 'i have a family to support and can't afford to lose my license' thing. he told me to pretend that i'd never come in as he was 'damned if he treated me and damned if he didn't' he also shoved a newspaper article in my face about my general practitioner, who is being investigated for over-prescribing. this was the first time i had been prescribed narcotics from him, though.

but i am black-listed now. every page of my pain mgt. records says that this dr. is my primary care. i don't know where to go anymore. i feel like trash. and the pain just gets worse. i look in the mirror and i swear i've aged 10 years in the past 3 months. i can't believe that months ago i truly believed that i would soon be managing my pain and have a functional life instead of being bedridden daily. i can't even do the things i used to do like write or paint.

so the other day, i go to walgreens to fill a prescription from the doctor being investigated and was treated like i was a criminal. i can't take it anymore.

i am now terrorized at the thought of even seeing another pain mgt. doctor. since i can't drive longer than 10 minutes, my old mother needs to drive me to the clinics on the other side of town and she was even humiliated. i leave in tears every time.

i'm at my wits end. i've had no life due to pain for 11 years, lost my ability to have children and now i can't find a doctor. i even asked one, who refused to rx meds, if he could just do injections or whatever so the pain would get better. i realized that my old pain mgt. clinic wasn't interested in injections or other treatments after the first 3 steroid, which didn't work. i never saw the dr., just he physician's assistant. in march, i had asked to try to taper off the meds as i was down to lvl 4- 5 and i wanted to get off of them. i didn't do well, as the drop of 80 mg. caused the pain to rise immensely, but i was doing find on the medicine i was on and thought i could just do it slower, maybe 10 mg. a month or so.

i don't know what to do. i keep telling myself that i have to keep trying to get a doctor. i make all these appts. and then i don't go because i'm too afraid. i'm too afraid to go into a hospital. i think they would keep me in due to my desire to die, even though i am giving myself a year to find some help with the pain before i do that. i don't want to die. i want to live. i just don't have a life at all right now, and the way my ex-fiance treated me was so horribly traumatic that i cannot seem to crawl out of the pit of anxiety and panic and fear and self-loathing.

and now even the pharmacists are looking at me funny. i have an rx for 30 mg. oxycodone which i was going to use to see if i could self-taper as i am so afraid to tell doctors what i am on, even though i am legal and being prescribed and have been on the same for 2.5 years, and before that methadone and a slew of anti-depressants, etc., but i'm too afraid to go to a pharmacy now.

i think that my parents would be relieved if i die. i haven't seen any of my friends who are scattered all over the country because i can't travel and i don't want them to remember me like i am now. i used to love life so much. i don't know what to do.

i learned 5 months ago that my stress and depression affects my pain levels quite a bit. but how do you fix it if the pain is causing the depression. i went to a shrink and he told me that he couldn't help me either. he said it sounds like the pain is causing my depression and anxiety and it doesn't sound like a chemical imbalance.

what do i do now that doctors don't want me. i feel like trash. i even told them i hate being on meds. but i spend almost all day in bed, save for stretching exercises i force myself to do. 8 years ago, i was a yoga teacher. i want a life back. this isn't living.

and i feel like a criminal now, and the stigma of being on pain meds is even worse due to my ex-fiance lying to the police and making me sound like some sort of violent person, when i'm not. i don't even eat animals because i don't want to cause harm to anyone. i think he just didn't want people to think he was dumping me because i was in pain, since his friends knew that, so he had to make me look like a criminal. i know he was wrong and it was abusive, but i can't stop that little voice telling me that i'm just not enough anymore. i'm broken. and like a broken toy, no one wants me. not even doctors.

i have another appt. on the 7th of november with a pain doctor and probably should get another primary care physician, but i'm too afraid.

and i'm afraid that if another doctor tells me that he or she doesn't want me as a patient again that it will be too much to bear.

how much more can i take.

i wish that i wasn't on pain meds, but i have no idea what to do. i wish i would have known more in the begining. i guess i should have researched more, but after my divorce, and a few surgeries--lost my uterus and ovaries as the gyns thought nerve pain in sacral area was due to enlarged uterus--they sent me to pain mgt.

when i moved to nv, i went to a pain mgt. clinic. well, the doctor was greedy, i guess, but vision in restrospect is always 20/20. i was on 10 mg. 2x a day of vicodin and he put me on 30 mg. of methadone and told me it was a 'baby dose'. i now know that was an incredible leap. when i told him that i was sleeping all the time, he put me on 80 mg of oxycontin. every two years, it seemed, my tolerance would go up and eventually i got to 240 mg., which is a huge amt., i know, ,enough to scare all teh doctors away and enough to make me an unwanted patient.

if i could find a doctor to deal with the pain, i would happily go to a detox to get off the pain meds. but the sacral pain gets intolerable. i don't know what to do.

if anyone has any suggestions or knows of a doctor in the henderson area of nv, near las vegas, pm me please. a neurologist would be fine.

i'm giving myself a year. technology keeps improving and although the pain mgt. physician's assitant told me that if someone were to deaden the nerves where it hurts completely, that i would have phantom pain. how does he know for sure? i want to try anything and everything i can.

i just don't know how tofind a doctor anymore and am scared tto be turned away. i'm panicked now. i've never felt more unwanted.

the experience at walgreens' was the last straw. i filed a complaint but what's the use. i'm too afraid to even talk to them in person on the phone. i'm just too scared now.

i probably should put this somewhere else. i'm afraid that i will scare all you away too. i don't know where to go or who to turn to anymore.

thanks for reading.


  • Everyone here will be supportive of you and everyone cares and will offer you a ton of wisdom. But please!!! don't do what you are suggesting call this number first. 1-800-273-TALK
    I was really sorry to hear about all of your problems. So very sorry. Please hang in there. Help will come.
    I don't think I read your diagnosis in there though. Depression and pain go hand in hand. Please ask questions here everyone will do their best to help you.
  • I hope you find a Dr. to help you. Is there a hospital around there? They usually have clinics beside the hospitals don't they? I wish I could help but I don't live in the States. Check the hospital or clinic websites. Good luck in your search. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
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  • Oh, sweetie...I wish you were in VA, I'd come over and just hug you over and over! I'm so sorry for all that you are going through. Real criminals get treated better than you have been. Please don't give up on finding a doc. I'm thinking if you go to a shrink and ask him to put you in a rehab facility it might be a start. When you go to your next visit, have it written out ahead of time everything you have been through...dates and doctor phone numbers, anything you can. Stress to the doc that you desperately want to come off the meds! Please keep us posted on how you are doing, ok?
  • I don't know what to say. This is a terrible crisis. Let me tell you that you are NOT a criminal. You did a right thing by getting a lawyer so they can throw out what that douchebag fiancee said those defamatory lies about you. I know your parents love you and they rather have you than not have you at all. This guy abused you and took advantage of you, and did not give a crap about your pain.
    File a grievance against Walgreens with the state board that regulates pharmacies and takes complaints. That is unproffesional behavior and it's none of their $%^damn business what's going on. The script is still legal and written for a legit reason, and they need to just shut their mouths. Don't allow them to speak to you like that. If it happens there again, or anywhere, you ask to speak to the manager, or call the corporate number on the wall, and file that grievance I talked about. I'm trying to help you empower yourself, and I am so angry about what happened to you.
    Right now you need any support you can get, and you NEED help. You are still a chronic pain patient. I don't know the details, but all I know is that you didn't do anything wrong, and it's not your fault that the doctor is being investigated. It's so unfair that patients in that situation are blacklisted for no wrong doing on their part.
    For your sake, have nothing to do with that ex fiancee. Only deal with your attorney. You have to take care of yourself.
    Remember, your mom's love is unconditional. I have a feeling that she'll stick by you no matter what.
    In the future if you meet someone else, if they have the same characteristics of the bad boyfriends, DUMP THEM. You deserve better. Once they lift a finger at you, LEAVE. Don't perpetuate that cycle.
    Feel free to PM me whenever. You've come to the right place. You have a right to be happy, and a right to get the care you need. >:D< >:D< >:D<
  • hello , im so sorry for all your problems you are having, things will work out, i had a similiar story i know it is embarrassing at the pharmacies especially the big chain one that beging the c... anway i have several lumbar and cercical disc herniations and been chronic pain for 5 yrs. luckily i havent needed a pain management doctor but may need soon. my family doctor prescribes my meds. i was on high doses also. look your best bet truely is to start to cut down and wean to were you can lead somewhat of a life, i learned thru the years all the medicine in the world you can take it never completely takes a way your pain, you have to learn to live with some pain, we all do. my doctor cut my pain medicines also so i had to buy some from a friend of a friend to wein myself cause he put me cold turkey. to tell you the honest truth i am only on vicodan hp 2 times now and the pain is the same if i take 6 percocets or 2 vicodones. i believe from personal experience the more pain meds we are on the higher tolerance for meds and lower tolerance from pain. you did nothing wrong so ont even think about waht happen to you. i feel real bad. i was taking valium for panic attacks and vicodan for pain plus zoloft for depression / panic attacks i got pregnant 2almost 3 yrs ago, my finacee begged for a child i already had 3 but all grown the oldest 23 and 2 grandchildren 3yrs & 4 yrs old i now have my own 2 yr old. i never thought i could make it thru those pregnancy at the time epidurals and injections were helping me somewhat but my obgyn agreed with my family doctor that my medicine was ok to take during pregnancy, due to how bad i would be without it, i was a high risk being 38 yrs old plus the baby was being monitored alot by ultrasound for growing so fast. well i had alot of early labor were they gave me meds in the hospital via iv and sent me home and back for about a month. then i had my son 6 weeks premature. well embarrassed was a social worker from the hospital taping her car for me to call her to my sons incubator after i was discharged he was in the hospital for a week. no problems he was eating a breathing on his own and was a hefty 7lb 3 z and 20 inch. long same as my first child full term, well i was the talk of the icu pediatrics i heard from the social worker said a nurse said i looked scared when i seen the card to call her..? what? and i was abusing my medicine??? i had tons of blood work they should of checked right? i was only taking one valium and 1 vicodan a day by my own choice thru my pregnancy and was aloud to take 4-6 a day of each. the nerve of these people. i showed them my prescription dates in my purse and said see the date from may its september this is a month supply. i said take my blood now whatever you got to do, she changed her additude quickly and said you know because of your history i have to ask you questions. i lived in nj at the time and been going to the same obgyn 7 yrs before this pregnancy in ny. so they thought i was hiding a secret drug history because i chose to give birth at my obgyn's hospital. duh i like my doctor and this is his hospital he knows the medicine im on and guress what he wrote my prescriptions sometimes too because i had to come here every week due to high risk and had no time to go to my family doctor too just for my regular meds. so believe me i know how you feel. the rude phone call from the big chain cv? when my doctor called in percocets when i sprained my ankle around christmas last year had a fit who's this doctor what kind of doctor you just picked up your refill of vicodan last week, ,,,aAND? I SPRAINED MY ANKLE AND IM TAAKING THE PERCOCET THIS WEEK DUH NOT AT THE SAME TIME AS THE VICODAN DONT WORRY MISTER PHARMACIST. SO NOW I STICK WITH THE FRIENDLY SMALL PHARMACIES THAT MY DOCS KNOW WELL. HONEY I HOPE YOU CAN TOLERATE ALITTLE PAIN AND BE PREPARED JUST IN CASE YOU CANT GET YOUR USUAL DOSE START CUTTING ALITTLE SO YOU DONT HAVE TO GO COLD TURKEY LIKE MY DOC DID TO ME .. VOMITING AND SHAKING IN FRONT OF MY 2 YEAR OLD.. AND THEN HE CALLED ME IN 3 DAYS WORTH TOLD ME TO COME IN FOR THE HARDCOPY SCRIPT AND NEVER GAVE IT TO ME. BUT I HAD THAT FEELING AND USED THAT 3 DAY SUPPLY OF PERCOCET TO WEAN OFF AND IT REALLY DID WORK BUT I DID HAVE THE VICODAN FOR BACK UP TOO. IF YOU ARE DEPRESSED OR WANT TO TALK SEND ME A PRIVATE MAIL HONEY. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. THERE ARE SO MANY KIND UNDERSTANDING PEOPLE ON THIS SITE, YOU WILL GET THE HELP YOU NEED, BUT PLEASE DO NOT USE THAT BIG WORD SUICIDE YOU CAN DO THIS WE ALL CAN.

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  • Please make sure that you make it to your appt on the 7th and don't cancel. Since this is a new doc, I would think that a brief history of your pain meds and treatments and pain cycles written down for the doc would be helpful. That way you don't forget anything if you get nervous or upset.

    Best wishes,

  • I echo what others above me have said so well.

    All on this website have chronic pain and walk a walk like yours so know you are not alone. Your story makes me angry at the injustices you have suffered.

    I hope you will make a list of the people who LOVE YOU and put it somewhere you can see it every day. something i do is make lists of positive affirmations as well and read them. Cheryl Richardson's website is good for this. Keeps me out of negative self talk. :)

    So you are reminded to think good things.. This helps me when I am thinking negative and go down the spiral of bad thoughts which leads to thoughts of giving up.

    I pray God send you strength to keep going...each day is a new day and fresh promise. If you are not a believer in God, then your own higher power...please reach out to everyone positive in your world.

    Hugs to you.
  • Stockbroker. Gabriela, you are not alone anymore. We will all support and understand you. You are doing well to be done with that lowlife. He did not deserve you and you know the old saying....what comes around goes around? I would not bet that your parents would be glad to be rid of you. No parent ever wants to outlive their child. Think of as many positive people and things in your life as you can and hopefully that will give you the strength to rise above all of these morons that have treated you so badly. The only suggestion that I would have for you if you truly think that lowering your meds is in your best interest is to possibly find a methadone clinic near you. Forget what others think. You are the only one that you need to impress. Keep on going to docs with your head held high. You have done nothing wrong. You will find one that remembers what the hipocratic (sp?) oath is all about. Oh, and it would be pretty darn hard to scare us away. Good luck and please keep on posting.
  • Ok here you are, a wonderful fully realised human being with all the worth and dignity worthy owed to a person, never ever forget that K? never ever let someone degrade what is perfectly good and wonderfull in Gods eyes, no one here has a right to degrade you,EVER! feeling sad is part of the process of being handled in an outragious manner, dirtbag boyfriend isnt worth your time or nuerons, leave him to the lawyers and behind you.
    Your gonna be allright, but you have to believe it first! you will come out the other side of this stronger and better, and again, you have to believe. I am sad at the way youve been made to feel less than worthy, no has any right to impose on your beautiful and shiny spirit that way! I say shiny cause your still on your feet and still fighting, even though you may not feel like you are. this is the good fight, this is a rightous battle for which you are fully prepared and ready to join, dont be afraid, youve got a whole mess of enraged and informed spiney's ready to fling it all to the winds and come to your aid, its what we do, its what we believe, in people like you . your a wonderful and peerless creation, fully worthy of love , dignity and respect, so..
    demand it!
    your going to be fine, believe it or not, this will pass, and you will be stronger, you may not feel it right now, but you will!
    dont give up, you have rights, you can go to the ER and seek help, find a place, stand your ground, demand your rights as a person of worth and dignity, give a chance to the services of some proffesional help,
    I want to tell you something,
    there is no shame in reaching for help when you want it, there is no shame in wanting to reach out those wonderful arms of yours to ask.
    here we are all equal
    we all have demons to battle every day, every hour,
    we are stronger for reaching out and grabbing the hand that helps us,
    some one said..
    when you cant run anymore
    you crawl
    when you cant crawl anymore...
    you find someone to carry you
    you would do mit in a heart beat,
    you would rush to the aid of someone reaching out, you would take them in your arms and hold them, hold them up, carry them, and when you couldnt anymore, you look and ask,and there is always someone there to hold you. never fear, there is always help, all you have to do is ask,
    dont think of taking the ultimate step, your way better than that, find some help, keep in contact with us, and we'll weather this storm together...
    we'll ride the storm down till there is onle calm waters
    we will ok?
    but we need you to reach out so someone can get hold of you
    there is someone always there to drop what their doing and rush to the aid of one of their own.
    Ive got to go for right now, but, I will look for you , others, will look for you,some will pray, I, will pray, for angels to come down all around you and protect you in this dark hour of need. reach out and ask for help at the hospital, or, someone left a number,for help too, there is always a place to go, and someone to talk to, dont be ashamed, there is absolutly nothing to ba ashamed of, dont be afraid, there is help waiting to come, take care of your self K?
    there will be peace
    as John would say..."be kind to yourself"
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

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