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Depression, Frustration, Never Ends

NuttinbutthreadsNNuttinbutthreads Posts: 13
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:24 AM in Depression and Coping
Hey all,

First time post. I've have to let it out as I can't keep bothering those close to me as it seems to do no good but get them upset...

I had a TLIF on L5S1 a little over a year ago. At first seemed like a huge success, until about 4 months ago... The BMP material used for the fusion is growing to much in the wrong placed creating the dreaded pain all over again.

I've gone for two injections. The first, he tried from above and below to get to the area in question without any luck. No relief, even though he 'flooded' the area with medicine.

The second, he tried again from above, below and then from the side. He said he was able to see the contrast get to the area and yes I felt relief. However, the relief only lasted a very short time.

Pain medicine, 30 mg x 2 MSContin... At first, seemed to do very well no real side effects. Within the last week or so, feeling nauseous, high anxiety, and constant state of tiredness... Need to try something else that's not going to make me sick, increase anxiety, or increase depression.

Between my new surgeon, pain management, the insurance bastards, and non-paying customers, I am at my wits end.

Yesterday I met with the surgeon, who made me wait 2 hrs before seeing him, only to be told the MRI doesn't really show much. He made me come back for a second visit to review the MRI after my original surgeon told me all he would need is the catscan, which is what had happened. I was ready to kill him... Everything could have been completed in one meeting, not two. When asked of the success rate, he gave it a 65-35 percent ratio... not so good. Will the bone grow back? Highly likely.. There is no way to control bone growth. Very frustrating. I selected to go with BMP, because I've seen my father go through three bone graphs to fix his arm that was broken very bad in a car accident. The BMP usage eliminates the pain of a bone graph, but causes a whole new realm, like growing too much.

Insurance companies.... Highway robbery!!! I've recently exhausted my Cobra, did not let more than 63 days lapse and purchased individual health insurance. Under HIPA there should be no pre-existing condition on the policy. We'll they are really making me work at proving the case. Every time you call into the company, it takes 30 minutes to explain, re-explain, re-explain again only to be told the same story over and over again. ~X( So I don't know as of yet if I'm on the hook for all the medical bills, which will surely bankrupt me, or if they are going to pay. As of now, the surgery is on hold until i know more. I can not see going until next august with this pain... I can't stand the meds...

Daylight savings - Getting dark at 5:00 and being dark when waking doesn't help the depression side of things either...

I better get back to work and produce... Thanks for listening...


  • Hi Nuttin, sorry you are having so much pain. You can come here and vent anytime. It is a great place for support, where people understand what it is like to be in pain all the time. Are you having back pain or radiculopathy? Have you tried any nerve pain meds like lyrica or neurontin?

    I am 3 months out, okay so far, but I had the BMP too, and it is kinda scarey. Does your surgeon have any explanation as to why this happened? For instance did the BMP drift out from where it was originally placed?

    Depression is a common thread here too. All the stress and pain is enough, then comes the time change and makes it worse. You might talk to your PCP to get on something to help you out with it. I am trying lexapro, seems to help.

    Well, if ya end up having the surgery, there are upcoming surgery threads in the back/neck surgery forum, ya might wanna get in on. I am sure you have some experiences you could share with what you've been through already. I hope you get some relief soon. Take care, >:D< Cali-Sue

  • Hey Guys,

    Thanks for the kind words.

    I tried to reach out to my step mother in an email yesterday, as it was way to early in the day to call. I was expressing how my meet went with the surgeon, the bad side effects, etc.

    I'm not sure if I was really looking for anything, just looking to vent, I guess.

    Well it backfired. I will keep future ventings to this site as I really see now you have to be in the position to understand and maybe offer some nice thoughts.

    I've been bouncing around the different forums and see more and more posts about bmp. I will be sure to provide any insight from my personal experience thus far.

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  • is just getting tougher and tougher to be happy about getting on with life.

    I look and question what is it we are suppose to get out of life. Work, pay bills, work, pay bills, suffer back pain, why...

    It's getting harder for me to get up and want to go out and do things..

    I really believe this has a lot to do with the damn meds i'm on. I'm extremely sick to my stomach, tired due to the fact I can't sleep. I was up all hours of the night last night...

    I just don't see the point.
  • am sorry that you are having such a rough time of it right now but so many of us have been right where you are at at one time or another. Please remember that you can always come here and vent and that you don't have to go through this alone. If there is anything that I can ever do for you then please feel free to PM me and I will be happy to do whatever I can for you. Please keep us posted as to how you are doing and please make sure that your doc is aware of how you are feeling and how it is affecting your daily life. Take care....Miki
  • It is never easy dealing with chronic pain and the duration does not make it and better, our collective angst grows over time and we have all these things and life itself to deal with, pain waits for no man. That continuing lack of control impacts on us and our family and we all live through these limitations as one.

    The key is not to become too depressed and applaud and acknowledge the thing we can do and do every day, our goals and objectives have now been changed by imposition and all of this take time to adapt and adjust to. Tomorrow is another day and although we attempt to plan as we go, pain always makes this difficult.

    Keep smiling you will get through as many here are doing and we are all supporting each other.

    Be kind to yourself.


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  • Thanks all for the words of encouragement, and well, taking the time to read my rant.

    Yesterday was a very rough day... Trying to stay focused and moving forward.

    Work has been a bear. I own/operate a custom apparel shop and the work load has been heavy... Luckily people are understanding so far.

    I will let you know how things progress...

    Thanks again.
  • Any time you want to vent, consider us your surrogate moms/dads! It is very difficult for our family/friends to relate to the pain we experience. I'm 4 months post-op and I constantly get comments like, "Your back STILL hurts?" I just have to remember that they are ignorant (not stupid...they just don't know!).

    I hope today is a better day for you...there is a plan and purpose for your life--you will find it in time.
  • Well when the backs up against the wall, smile.. Itll make them nervous! set you emotional claws and dig in, people and ideas can only back you up as far as you let them, factoring co. are wonderful for recalcitrant customers, seeting the rules of where and when to battle has always been yours, you choose your battles and where thay happen.
    Pain just happens to be the wild card here coz ya never know when it gonna neek up on ya and waylay ya!
    Hang on tight to your hopes and dreams, adversity is where they are tested, so dont give up,and dont give in!
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

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