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think new meds are making me crazy; i don't know what to do help please

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,578
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:25 AM in Pain Medications
since i've cut back on my normal pain medications, and started neurotin and/or lyrica--i've tried both and both seem to do the same mental things--i have had severe depression. i'm suicidal and scared and probably need to go to a hospital but i'm too afraid.

i'm not myself. i look in the mirror. i can't even look at myself in the mirror without crying. i look that different.

i cry constantly. and i don't know what to do. i was doing fine on the oxycontin for 3 years and now i can't find a doctor to prescribe the same because of a big scare in the newspapers. a pcp lost his license and that happened to be my doctor, even though he never prescribed me pain meds, save for when i moved back and my pain clinic didn't want me anymore.

the old pain clinic i had for 7 years didn't even give me a reason why they wouldn't treat me anymore.

i'm going nuts on these new meds. choice between unbearable pain and insanity. i don't know what to do. i can't deal with the pain, but i don't want to go insane and i'm sick of crying all day long. i can't think.

i can't work. i've lost my longtime editing client of 7 years because i can't function. i used to be intelligent and i feel like my iq went down 80 points.

i won't even answer the phone to speak to friends i used to know because i can't communicate and forget everything.

i'm afraid to tell my pain mgt. doctor. he was the only one that would take me as a patient. i saw 6 doctors and none wanted me. i have nerve pain in the left sacral area and all that shows up on an mri is a slight bulging disc. i've been in pain since 1997, lost my uterus first, then ovaries as docs thought it was causing pain, then husband.

i'm a new patient now and the pm doc wants me off the opiates. he took me from 240 oxy and 4 hydromorphone a day to a 50 fentnaly. i can't tolerate pain without lyrica or neurontin and i've told him neurontin was causing cysts and boils so he put me on lyrica, but he lyrica is even worse mentally, so i started taking neurontin again but still having psych problems.

i cry all day and my face is distorted.

i cannot think at all nor read and i have a masters in literature and used ot read a novel a week, plus write. i used to be a published author and now my brain feels fried and dead. i can't think at all.

and i look like hell in the mirror. all puffy and red-faced.

i feel like a ghost of what i was 4 months ago.

if i tell the pain mgt. doctor, he will not work with me as he doesn't like prescribing opiates.

i'm afraid that if i say anything to him he will just think i want back on opiates which did work and then he won't hlep me and i can't find another doctor.

has anyone experienced loss of sanity from neurontin or lyrica? i am not having opiate withdrawal symptoms at all even though i think the patch is about 1/3 of what i was taking. i know the doctor is cutting me back way too fast, but i'm too scared to tell him because he made it clear that he wants me off the opiates.

he said he would go slow, though.

does the fentynal patch make you feel suicidal and depressed?

i'm on all new drugs and i hate myself. i dont' know how much longer i can take this. i want my old self back. i liked myself in august. how can i change so much? i don't look the same in the mirror. my mother states at me like i'm a freak.

i don't have a supportive family. i've been crying so much that my father calls me cry-baby so i hide in the detached tiny room i live in save to go into the house to get food and bring it back.

i don't feel human anymore. i used to be a nice person. and know i'm too afraid to even call my friends as i think they will notice the change and i will lose them. i need to get better first. i'm embarrassed to go out of the house because i look so strange with the edema in my face.

am i suicidally depressed to the point of looking up life-term mental institutions because of the withdrawal from the opiates? i've been on opiate meds since 2000. started pain mgt. in 2001 at 30 mg. methadone, then was switched to 120 oxycontin, then 240.

i also tried morphine sulfate, 300 mgs a day, and i was fine on that even though it was less than the oxy.

i have tried cutting back on the opiates before on my own to assess my pain lvls, as back in march 2008, my pain was down to 3-4. i remember a lot of pain, but not suicidal and insanity like i am now.

is it a mixture of the neurontin/lyrica and opiate withdrawals that is causing severe depression.

i just hope the epidural works on the 12th and i can stop taking the neurontin and/or lyrica. both do the same. i can't afford to lose the only pain mgt. doctor who will even give me an epidural. if this depression gets any worse, i'm going to have to check into a mental institution. i am not myself at all. i feel like i'm going crazy.

sorry this is so long. i can't think and repeat myself and don't know where to go. i didn't even want my therapist to see me. i feel like i am a different person from 2 weeks ago and i know i look different. i can't speak normally anymore nor think nor communicate.

i just want to know what's causing it>? is it the neurontin and/or lyrica? or is it the change from oxy to fentyal or is it just the lowering of the dose of opiates?

i don'tknow what to cut back on. my pain doc also wants me on celebrex and i don't even want to add another medication right now. i don't have arthritis. i have nerve pain.

it's very localized, always been in the left sacral area and very painful like a shard of glass being twirled around.

i hate this. before i moved back here, i was fine. i felt good and was working with a doctor in california who was going to wait until my life calmed down then cut back on the opiates very slowly.

i told him i couldn't take ssri's or epileptic medications. i had tried them before, for like one day and i just couldn't take it.

but now i have no choice. i can't deal with the pain without the neuroton/lyrica--neurontin works better--and the side effects are making mem lose my mind.

i just want to be functional enough to work so i can move from my parents home which is toxic and then when i'm calm and happy, i want to try to cut back.

my former doctor didn't want to change my opiate medications due to my depression. but the pain docs here are all very frightened about prescribing and i don't dare tell them anything. i just take what they give me.

but i don't want to go crazy or commit suicide. my cats are the only things that keep me alive. if i could find a syringe and sommething to put them to sleep i would put them and me to sleep. but i won't let them go to an animal shelter and abandon them.

if anyone has any experiences with these drugs in combination with withdrawing from opiates after 8 years and apost traumatic stress disorder, which i have as well from an abusive marriage which i believe caused the nerve injury in the first place, please pm me.

is this going to pass? do i just need to hold on? should i stop the lyrica/neurontin and deal with the withdrawals and hope that i regain my sanity even though the pain will drive me crazy?

i guess if i can wait until the 12th and the epidural works--never had one--maybe hte pain won't be too bad.

i went through cymbalta withdrawals back in 2006 and i was suicidal from that. it took six months for mem to feel normal and i was cutting down very very slow. i don't want to get dependent on lyrica/neurontin. i had to have someone baby-sit me for 2 weeks on the last part of cymbalta withdrawal, but i don't have people like that here to help. and i was down to opening the capsules and counting 10 little beads out of the 300 on the last week and then every other day and i still felt the tingles in my head.

i'm very sensitive to ssri's. can't take any of them. i've tried. and i think i'm having the same problem with neurton/lyrica but these do help the pain. cymbalta did nothing.

do i have to decide between sanity and unbearable pain?

i wish i could find a doctor that would put me back on the meds i was on for 3 years that worked so well that i thought i could cut back a bit on my own. now i'm nuts and broken.

i want god to take me off this planet. i am smoking too again after quit for 10 years. i just don't care aobut myeself anymore. i don't have a brain anymore. i can't write. and i'm a novelist and i cannot do anything i used to do.

i can't live like this.


  • Hiya Gabriella >:D< >:D< >:D< You are not alone in your struggle :) We are all here for you >:D< We understand your pain and your frustrations with making doctors listen :? Gabriella, in my experience when i can not make doctors understand and or hear what i am saying ~X( , then i have not been talking to the correct doctor #o My advice to you based on my experience i would see your family doctor as so as possible if i were you :S , and ask him to review all of your medication ad discuss with him how you have been feeling >:D< Can you also get to see a CPN or a psychatrist? :? Please let me know if i have been any help to you >:D< Let me know how you get on :D Your virtual friend O:)

    Angie :H >:D<
  • Gabriella, I know that you DO care about yourself, and you desperately want change. Maybe this is why you are smoking again?; you feel helpless, ARE helpless, with some of these situations, and you need a change, and by smoking again, you are empowering yourself by choosing to smoke. I know that it's bad for you to smoke, and when the other problems in your life are resolved, I don't think you will feel you need to any longer.

    I'm not going to post too long a response to your message. First and foremost, I am sorry that you are feeling this way; I can relate and sympathize, and I wish that I could help you.

    The best thing I can do for you, in my opinion, is to suggest that you book time with a psych ASAP, and preferably by referral through your PM's office. Call them, let them know you are feeling this way, just use a couple of key words (don't leave the big ones out), and they should have someone who is excellent that they can send you to. Your situation is not at all uncommon, but is certainly unbearable at best.

    Please see someone now, take a proactive approach. Your epidural may help your pain, but there are other issues you need to sort out that are not going to be fixed by your pain medicine. I suppose what this is all leading to is that you need to be honest and open with your doctor, and that means that even if they don't ask you if you are depressed or feeling suicidal, you need to tell them. Maybe print your message from this post and take it to them; it's the most honest, straight forward truth you could give to them, and possibly could be the best first step forward you could do for yourself. And of course, just my opinion.

    Whatever your choices or decisions, myself and everyone else here will always be here to support you.

    Take it one step at a time, it's not always going to be hard, but it's not always going to be easy.


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  • Hello.I just read your post and I'm sorry that you are feeling this way and going through so much.It is beyond my capabilities to help you,but I would like to offer my support & understanding.

    The smoking is bad for you-yes-but right now it seems to be the least of your worries.Of course this is only my opinion and you may not be the slightest bit concerned with my opinion,and if so that is ok.I understand that too.

    Many years ago (about 12) I was going through a very rough patch in my life-struggling with many issues and suffering emotionally.I had a really hard time making the important decisions that needed to be made in order to even start to overcome some of my more important issues so that I could begin to heal,grow,learn,start over.But I couldn't make decisions,or even start because I held myself back in not deciding.I discussed all of this with my Dr.,who said something to me that I have never forgotten,and I have used this many times in my life since then...he said,"Robin,you need to make a decision-it might not be the right decision,you can figure that out later-but you need to start somewhere."

    He also started me on a medication to help with my nerves-which were very bad at the time-and it(the medication)really helped.I made a decision.Then I made many..some were good and some~not so much.But life has been better to me since then..and I've been better to life.

    I'm not telling you this thinking that I have all of the answers,I'm not that concieted,and I actually don't know much-but I do know that we all have to start over sometimes,and we all go through what I call 'our own hell' from time to time.But I think my purpose here-in part at least-is to try and help another if I possibly can.I'm not always successful,I fail a lot,but my intentions are good.

    Please know that there really is hope,even if you can't see it,or imagine it exists during the worst of times.And if your parents are toxic and unsupportive well,that's unfortunate,their support might be beneficial to you right now...but you can do this without them,or in spite of them.You can do this for you and there will come a time when you won't be as dependant on them(as in needing to live with them).Until then try to think of it as a stepping stone..toward your own home.

    We are all here to support you :)))
  • made me feel ughhh, so i laid off. try telling you doc to not be so hard on you as he weens you from the opiates. maybe he's pushing to hard?
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • Gabriella,
    The Lyrica and the Neurontin can cause your symptoms of depression to worsen. You need to call your doctor honey and you need to do that today!
    If you are in the mental state that you are contemplating suicide, then you need to get off those two meds immediately. It will only worsen the longer you are on them.
    It doesn't happen to everyone, but it does happen to some and your PM needs to know that you are one of them.
    Hang in there honey and call your doctor.
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  • thanks angie,

    i don't have a primary care doctor anymore. he lost his license a month ago. i think that's why the pain mgt. doctors don't want me.

    i do have a psych, but he said he can't help me with pain. i have a new therapist, but he knows nothing about chronic pain either.

    it's difficult because i can't drive longer than 5 minutes and am on medicaid, so there's not much to choose from.

    i'm going to stop the neurontin and lyrica. i hope i can handle the pain, as i looked up a comparison chart and an 80% cutback in opiates is quite a bit, so i'm sure a lot of the depression is coming from that.

    i still have 10 30 mg. oxycondone and am trying to cut back slower. i don't know what to do when i run out.

    the new pain mgt. doctor said he was cutting me down slowly, but 80% decrease is not slow imo.

    i guess i'll have to go to the er when it gets too bad even though i'm terrified that the pm doctor will get mad.

    i see him on the 12th for an epidural, so i hope that will work.

    i think i moved back at a very bad time since all the doctors in this city are afraid due to the front page news article that caused my primary care to lose his license.

    not fair, but...

    thanks and hugs,

  • thanks jwm.

    i do have a psych, but he said he didn't know how to help.

    i guess i'm afraid of telling any doctor that i'm suicidal.

    you see, my primary care doctor, who made the front page 3 times and lost his license, was sued because he was prescribing pain meds and anti-anxiety meds to a patient who committed suicide.

    i'm afraid that if i mention suicide at all, the doc will force me into detox which means no pain help at all and no temperpedic bed, and all my other things i need to be somewhat comfortable.

    i know i need help, i just don't know where to go. i was so happy 6 months ago, when i had a pain therapist and a doctor that was very caring. that was in a different state.

    i moved back when my fiance broke up with me and found out afterward that my old pain clinic wouldn't take me back as a patient. that's not right, since they treated me for 7 years.

    if it gets too bad, i'm going to the er. maybe they will find me a doctor that will treat me and is near enough to drive to.

    thanks for the smoking info, but i hate myself for smoking. i read that smoking is bad for pain... so i'm hurting myself.
  • robin,
    you don't sound conceited. i just wish i had a doctor still who would call me by my first name. i am dealing with a lot.

    everyone else, thank you for your support.

    i think the worst of it is that my pain mgt. doctor of 7 years abandoned me, along with my primary care doctor losing his license.

    so the docs i have are all new, and the psych is no help, the therapist is nice, but has no knowledge of pain, and the pain mgt. doctor is quite hard with detoxing way too fast imo.

    i am afraid to tell him about the neurontin and lyrica. i stopped taking it yesteday so i hope some of the suicidal stuff will subside.

    neurontin did work well for the pain, though.

    i think my nerve damage is from a botched surgery as well. it started a year afterwards, when i went to an acupuncture as i was numb. the numbness went away and the pain began.

    i just want my life back and i don't think i'll get the same one. one doctor i went to told me that i needed to grieve the things that i could no longer do.

    that wasn't that bad when it was physical stuff (except for losing abilty to have a child for nothing), but now that i'm not being prescribed pain meds, my mind doesn't work and i can't even escape in books or writing. i'm having a hard time grieving the loss of everything


  • Is your avatar a picture of you? If so, you look like just the sweetest person! Hope today is a better day for you. Have you tried to get a new primary care doctor? My heart really goes out to you. >:D< >:D<
  • I'm glad that you have a psych, but sorry he cannot help. I know I said 'be honest!' and it is usually the best way, but I completely understand your reasons for being afraid to mention it to your doc.

    On sort of a side-note, I don't think it's fir that your PCP lost his license due to a patient and their suicide; I'm sure he was doing his best to help the patient, not to kill them, right? You, amongst others, now have to suffer as a result of this. My old internist, great doc, had a patient do the same thing, but it never came up in the news or anything. He was prescribing anti anxiety meds and pain meds as well, but there was no 'sue happy' family around to try to blame it on a doctor. Some of them are just, sure, but there are just too many frivolous lawsuits abound.

    As far as a new Dr or PM, I found mine as a referral from a local urgent care. The urgent care doc was a pain management specialist himself, and so the referral was highly regarded (by me) and has turned out very well. I suppose I am just agreeing with you; a referral from someone working closer to your new potential doc/PM is the right way to go.

    Best wishes, and hugs too, I could use one myself!

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