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Every inch of my life

eajosepheeajoseph Posts: 315
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:25 AM in Depression and Coping
My back pain is affecting every part of my life. And I guess that's to be expected. But I'm feeling like I can't be the wife or mother that I want to be. And tonight was like the icing on the cake.

My son, 5 years old, got mad at me. He mouthed off and I explained to him very firmly that you don't talk to you mommy that way. Well he was still really upset and he tried to hit me from behind. At that point, I laid it on the line to him. Mouth off again and you're going to your room. Try to hit me again and you will get a spanking. (I don't use corporal punishment very often. Usually just threatening it is enough.) He mouthed off some more. I tell him to go to his room. He won't move. I tried to steer him in that direction and it wouldn't happen. I have to make him go to his room so he knows I mean it. So what do I do? I pick him up, about 40 pounds, and carry him up a flight of stairs like a sack of potatoes. OMG I am paying for it big time right now. I just want to cry. :''(

I'm in so much pain that I cannot make dinner for my husband and myself. So instead of eating a wonderful ribeye steak dinner we're going to have Subway. My husband is wonderful and supportive. He does so much for me right now that I feel as if I'm just a dead weight, a burden on him. Intimacy........well let's just say that if we try I end up in a lot of pain afterwards.

Will I ever feel like the person I used to be, the person I want to be again? I can't take the kids to the zoo because the drive makes me hurt so bad then the walking is too much for me. I can't do so many things right now. I'm trying to keep my chin up and be positive but right now I feel like my chin is beneath the floor.

I don't know how to handle the things that come up in life that require physical exertion. OMG! Right now it just sucks!


  • My kids are usually really really good kids. Discipline isn't a big problem. But they are kids and every once in a while they go over the line. Like tonight.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 11,348
    many of your back problems. But from reading your post, it seemed as if you have not had any surgeries. You identified you have bulging lumbar discs. Has you doctor identified any action plan?
    Conservative Treatment vs Surgical?

    If you have had or are scheduled for surgery, just keep in mind that your post-op time you need to be aware of your situation and do not do anything to overdo it.

    If you are not having surgery, then you should be doing the proper exercises to strength the muscles that will help support your lower back. And again, you can not overdo anything.

    Many members here have had surgeries, some multiple surgeries and while they might not be able to do all the things they did in the past, they still enjoy everything they do. I have had 7 spinal surgeries and I do have a lot of limitations, but that has never stopped me from doing things with my family. I did have to adjust manything, but I still can enjoy life every day
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
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  • I feel for ya, sweetie! When you have back issues, you just cannot carry a 40-lb child! You could go from a bulging disk to a ruptured disk and really be in pain! I think Ron is right, you need to be doing exercises to strengthen your core muscles. Has you doc referred you for Physical Therapy? What is he/she suggesting you do?

    I think, if I were you, rather than carry the child, I would have taken away his most prized possession, whatever toy he just cannot do without! All children have their "currency." Forget the spanking for right now, you just cannot afford the physical exertion.

    Take care of YOU and keep us posted, ok?
  • I will update my signature. I had a laminectomy done about 17 years ago. Did fairly well until children came along. Then I started having more problems that would occur more frequently. In June, I slipped while running in the rain, wearing flip flops and carrying my daughter, about 31 pounds. It's been downhill since then.

    Tried PT and it made things worse. Did cortisone injections. The first one made everything worse and the second one brought no relief. I'm now a surgical candidate and will be having a fusion done l4-s1 in January.

    Am currently taking Provigil, Celebrex, Cymbalta, Vicodin and Amirx for my back and to counter the side effects of the meds.

    I'm struggling with my limitations. I just want to do what I see all the other moms doing and can't. It's so frustrating. Thanks for your support and advice.
  • Just the fact that your are voicing your feelings is a sign that you are a great mother and wife. You are very lucky to have a supportive husband. >:D<

    I have a 6 year old son who can be very trying at times. I've thrown my back out multiply times carrying him to his room during one of his temper tantrums ~X( or getting up too quickly to put him in time out because I was so mad. I understand your frustration. It's easy for others to say that you should pick up your child, however, what are you supposed to do if they fall down and are hurting. :? A mother's response is so natural and unrehearsed that you don't think about the consequences on your body. Your only thought and concern is your child. I had a complete melt down once day at my primary care doctor's. I had to take my kids in with me because I didn't have a sitter. It was shortly before my surgery and I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do and explaining to him how bad the pain was and my son says "mommy, I miss all the fun things we used to do before your back hurt, like hide-n-seek, going to the park and stuff". I lost it right there in front of the doc. :''( :''( I want to be able to get down on the floor and play horsey for my kids and run around the yard and play tag, instead I feel like a big lump that sits on the side lines and watch my kids having fun without me. We used to do so many activities that involved physical activities such as hiking, swimming, skating etc and like you, I too have a hard time just driving them to these places let alone trying to participate.

    I just try to take one day at a time and find other things to do with my kids such as crafts, which I am horrible at and makes it even funner because we all laugh at how bad mommy draws or makes pictures. =)) I read a lot of stories with them and do what ever I can to spend time with them. There are times where I have to discipline him though and I get so upset because I have to keep getting up to see what he is getting into next and it hurts just to get up and keep checking on him.

    My prayers are with you and your family.
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  • Is that I am so glad that my daughter is grown! I can't imagine what all of you parents of young children go through each and every day. I am a caregiver for my elderly mother and sometimes that is trying enough. It's nothing compared to a toddler....she has the mentality of one at times but she doesn't move nearly as fast LOL!

    You can't continue to blame yourselves for being in pain. It is not something that you can "control". Trust me, every parent has issues and as long as you give the love and nurturing that mothers do then you're doing your best.

    Hang in there,

  • for your post. This is a great place to come and be heard. It sounds to me like you gave your best in a tough situation. I want to support you in your process. One of the hardest parts of having pain for me is understanding it is a process. Acceptance was almonst as painful as the pain at first, but as I slowly give up my need to control everything i at least have more peace of mind and spirit. I hope this helps. Take good care, Jackie
  • Thank you all for your wonderful advice, kind words and support.

    I've always been so independent which makes it really hard for me to ask for help or say I can't do something. I am trying take it one day at a time. I need to stop looking at the mountain in front of me and focus on what I have done and can do. I have work I need to finish for college before the surgery. Of course there's Christmas and the day to day stuff to be handled. My daughter turns 4 on the 19th. And I might need to have surgery on my thyroid as well. Overwhelming..........

    I hope and pray that my kids don't grow up and regret the things they missed out on because of my limitations.
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