My back pain is affecting every part of my life. And I guess that's to be expected. But I'm feeling like I can't be the wife or mother that I want to be. And tonight was like the icing on the cake.
My son, 5 years old, got mad at me. He mouthed off and I explained to him very firmly that you don't talk to you mommy that way. Well he was still really upset and he tried to hit me from behind. At that point, I laid it on the line to him. Mouth off again and you're going to your room. Try to hit me again and you will get a spanking. (I don't use corporal punishment very often. Usually just threatening it is enough.) He mouthed off some more. I tell him to go to his room. He won't move. I tried to steer him in that direction and it wouldn't happen. I have to make him go to his room so he knows I mean it. So what do I do? I pick him up, about 40 pounds, and carry him up a flight of stairs like a sack of potatoes. OMG I am paying for it big time right now. I just want to cry. :''(
I'm in so much pain that I cannot make dinner for my husband and myself. So instead of eating a wonderful ribeye steak dinner we're going to have Subway. My husband is wonderful and supportive. He does so much for me right now that I feel as if I'm just a dead weight, a burden on him. Intimacy........well let's just say that if we try I end up in a lot of pain afterwards.
Will I ever feel like the person I used to be, the person I want to be again? I can't take the kids to the zoo because the drive makes me hurt so bad then the walking is too much for me. I can't do so many things right now. I'm trying to keep my chin up and be positive but right now I feel like my chin is beneath the floor.
I don't know how to handle the things that come up in life that require physical exertion. OMG! Right now it just sucks!