I am feeling very down today. I just sit here and evaluate how crappy things are. I don't have any support or understanding or compassion from husband for the problems I am having with my back. He just doesn't understand what I have going through. It's always been my job to do everything around the house including grocery shopping, running the kids to sports, appts etc and now I need his help. I even got to where I was doing most of the yard work too. This was in addition to working full time and going to school part time and he was lucky to work a full week with his business. Each day he seems to lack more and more motivation for life and doing anything for anyone that doesn't benefit him in someway. I asked him to drive me to the store the other day because I had taken an extra dose of pain meds and was in a lot of pain from my PM dr appt and he flat out said no so I went alone, got the groceries, carried them in the house and put them away...alone. That just made the pain worse, not to mention I am PO'd at this point which adds to the pain. Then he thinks I am lazy because I am laying in bed in pain. It is like this everyday.
I've considered leaving him but how I am supposed to do that when I can't hardly move, don't have a job and no where to go since this is my house and I can't get him to leave.
He now verbally abuses me by telling me how fat, lazy, useless etc I am so this just compounds to my depression and anxiety.
My daughter's grandma died on her dad's side and my husband is being a jerk to the whole family today instead of being loving and compansionate to her because she is sad. She is only 12 and really is taking it hard. He has such a hard time being loving, understanding, sympathetic, compassionate etc. I know his parents weren't very nice to him when he was younger and I think this has affected him however that's no excuse to treat me lousy. I feel like I got the short end of the stick because when I got married we were so much in love and I thought this man is going to take care of me. When it came down to the time for him to start taking care of me, he can't handle it. I am a very independent person so it's really hard for me to come out and ask for help and then to be told no when I do makes it even harder to reach out for help so I do everything myself which is only causing more pain and problems with my back.
Thanks for listening to me complain about my lousy day. I just needed to get this off my chest. I am so lucky to have found all of you as you have been so helpful, kind and understanding.