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I know I'm being irrational, but...

LoLLo Posts: 694
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:25 AM in Back Surgery and Neck Surgery
Has anyone else ever gotten annoyed with listening to someone complain about their back pain to you when it's just a regular old back ache like the entire population gets? I feel bad for getting irritated by it, but it's almost like... Come on. Someone with actual spinal issues is the wrong person to complain about your back ache to. I wish mine would go away with something as simple as heat and rest. Like, they'll ask me how I'm doing and I'll tell them, and they're always like, oh yeah, I know exactly what you mean, I get that all the time, too. Obviously they don't when they're out running and jumping and doing things like normal. I don't get why they feel the need to minimize my pain and maximize theirs, especially when they are the ones asking me how I'm doing. It's like, so... We have the same pain, but you are able to work, do cartwheels, flip on trampolines... And I'm sitting here with metal in my spine, unable to touch my toes, out of work for a year and a half, and on nearly 20 pills a day? I dunno. I feel like a jerk for even caring enough to put it into words. And an even bigger jerk for admitting I feel this way. It's totally irrational for it to bother me... Illogical... Unreasonable... But I can't help it. Am I alone in this or has anyone else ever felt anything similar?


  • Nope--you are not alone.
    What irritates me are people who CAN get into shape, have no back issues, yet they allow themselves to get out of shape, while I would love to be able to go and exercise hard every day. Also, the people who abuse pain meds when they don't have any pain. Whenever people tell me about their back, I'll usually ask one or two questions and it is pretty easy to figure out who does and doesn't have injury type pain going on. Well...we just have to stay positive--but venting is good too. :)

  • you hit a nerve with me.
    I try not to say much about my back pain & then when I do It's like they are either trying to compete with my pain or 1 up me. I just don't say anything anymore. People don't want to hear it anyway. What I really hate is when I have to explain why I can't do something like lift a box at work or drive 2 hours or even shop all day, they always say "You're too young to have all these problems" that line really p---- me off.
    And I'm 41..I can imagine you get that sensless remark too.

    Like I stood in the "I want Fibromyalgia with a side of back problems" line. grrrrrrrrr!!!
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  • For all of those people that approach me and see the scar on my neck and then proceed to tell me about their uncle, aunt, distant cousin or whatever and they tell me about how it's just such a simple procedure and how quickly Aunt Whoever recovered. I just smile and say nothing and usually change the subject. And the "I know how you feel", comment gets me. NO YOU DON'T! You do not have a scar on your neck and just because you have a crick in your neck that a little rubbing will get rid in NO WAY compares to the pain that I have had to go through.
  • Hit the nail on the head. I didn't read her post until after I finished. People are always trying to feel worse than you. I hurt too is always the comment. Well guess what so do I but I'm like you I WILL NOT complain publicly. (Well except for here of course)I confide in a few friends but the rest of the world get that smile on my face glad to see you look. I think it goes to the misery loves company idea.
  • In my case, it's more like I feel people think I use it as an excuse to not participate. Like when I say "I can't go to your party after all, my back really hurts", they're like "ookkk, well take care then". =; I would prefer the empathetic "you poor thing!". Not that I want the sympathy, but that I want the acknowledgement that they believe I have a serious problem. =(( When I was diagnosed last year with the 11 milimeter herniation, I was like "See! I wasn't lying!". :< :< And it's not like anyone has ever accused me of making it up. However, I will admit I am one of those who care entirely waaaaaay too much about what other people think. So part of the problem is my own. 8} 8}

    And Chuck... I read your post and laughed. Only because it struck a cord. I have battled weight my entire life. However, was not so over weight that it "handicapped" me to an extent. I could climb stairs, tie my shoes, no prob. I didn't work out, and I should of. L) And let me tell you, now that I physically can't work out, I'm like "you're such an idiot, should have done it when you had the chance". :| #o We all know how hard it is to exercise in our condition. And trust me, I am not offended at all by your statement. :D :D I actually agree, but it's pointed at myself. ~X(

    Good topic Lo! =D> =D> =D>

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  • How bout when they act like you're LYING }:) because you were able to something a week ago that you CANNOT do today!
    (coworkers are the worst, but occasionally extended family members are guilty of this)

  • I understand totally. I generally won't even ask them any questions, though. I just say, oh... That sucks. Lol. Staying positive is crucial, you're right. And I agree, venting is good too. I am so glad that someone understands and doesn't think I'm the world's biggest a-hole.
  • Not to judge people that you perceive to be able to work out and lose weight too harshly. Some people may have mental, emotional or physical issues that keep them overweight and you may just not be aware of them. It is kind of like someone passing judgement on you when they have not walked in your shoes. I don't think that anyone likes being overweight and out of shape so it is always better to assume that they may have some type of issues also rather than assume that they are just lazy.
    BTW- I am not offended either but just giving you another point of view.
  • I TOTALLY feel you on the explaining thing. That gets so annoying. Eventually it's like you just want to give up and let them think whatever they want.

    1-upping. UGH! I hate that. There is actually one person in my life that we jokingly call (name)-one-upper, just because they're like that on every topic. The term is great, it totally fits the crime. Like it's some kind of competition, right? It's like, I don't need to argue over whose back pain is worse, but don't sit there the day after I get home the hospital after a 360 fusion and tell me you know how I feel, while you're out with your friends at the bar texting me. No you don't. Lol. It's kind of just like... You wanna say "leave me aloneeeee!" If they're going to be that way I'd much rather just not talk about that subject. Ya know?

    Oh yeah I get that one all the time. You're only 22, how bad can your back be? Um... I dunno. Look at the 6 incisions I have on my back/stomach combined from just this year, and then ask me again. It's like they're almost insulting your credibility. I would NOT let someone cut me open and remove a disc and screw metal into my spine if I didn't NEED it. I do understand that they don't understand unless they've experienced it. I suppose that's a pretty generalized rule, though, huh? Blah.
  • Definitely. A crick fixed with a rub and a bad spine fixed with surgery are two totally different things. The nurses in the hospital were like that with me. They told me and my roommate, who had the same surgery I did by the same doctor... That most people were up that same day and walking the very next morning. Now, mind you, we both had 360s, and had incisions on both our stomachs and backs, and neither one of us were given adequate pain control. The nurse was belittling us and making us feel like crap because we weren't chomping at the bit to get up. I barely even REMEMBER the day of surgery... Except that I got stuck in a room with a mentally challenged patient... And nothing against her, but she would scream and have HUGE fits at ear piercing sound levels that made me want to punch someone, being just out of surgery and feeling like I got jumped by a football team. Lol. UGH. Some people are just oblivious to their insensitivity, I think. I don't think everyone maliciously does it... Some just don't notice it. I'm sure I don't notice a lot of my flaws, so... I guess if they post on a forum complaining about me, I won't mind!
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