Lesse. I am a 23 female, I was diagnosed with spondololthesis (I hope I am spelling that right, you'd think I would get it after so many years!!!!!!!). Anyway, I had a bilateral fracture in my L5-S1, leg pain with nerve damage (fun in high school, go to get up and fall flat on my *** because a leg, or two, have disappeared)
Anyway, 5 years ago my former bf told me to check my back... BIG mistake. They say ignorance is bliss, I think in this case it was... I figured I was just weird, not injured. I don't know how I did it, I'm a rough girl, I climbed, train horses, prolly at sometime fell hard and didn't think on it.
I had surgery in 2006, spinal fusion with the hardware (rods, bolts and, a cage dealie). Now, they want to take it out. I've been on and off pain meds guilting myself that it's bad and I'm an addict but honestly... When the pain is gone, I stop taking the oxycodones... I'll take as many as I need for it to go away, and than wait til I need more... There IS a dose that is enough.
I can't describe how much I hurt. I've thought about suicide as a way out of it many times... Usually my day consists of pondering what the after effects of that situation could be like... But please, don't worry, I am safe... It's just some kind of relief to know that if I can't get rid of the pain, I can go elsewhere... Hopefully not hell
So, it's Sunday and I ran out of pain meds... I told the doc to gimme a few, just to last a week and ration them to me so I won't go "over-board" but heck, it was stormy and I took them in about 3 days... Knew I needed more. Now I guess I will have to tell him that since I AM having surgery in Jan to remove the metal, I want back on them, on the right dose, unlimited and I can detox after surgery... Then I will know if it worked, and I wont just sit here sobbing and rolling around in agony.
I guess it's a depressing intro, but I write what I feel and think so that's that. My name is Kate, and I plan to be around to help others, as well as get some extra support for me... Also, I live in the Palm Springs area of CA.
See ya later